You are Garfield, the world’s laziest cat. You’re so lazy that you slept for an entire month. After finally waking up, you realize that you’ve gained over fifty pounds. You wonder how this is possible, until Jon explains to you that you were eating in your sleep. At first, you’re impressed with yourself, until you…
Episode 259 StoryYou are the Turkinator, a cyborg avian programmed to exact revenge on the human race. Your first target is the leading manufacturer of turkey’s Tom Tuckers. This is a mission with every Turkey’s life on the line. “Tom Tuckers? That guy who was trying to get me to join his company?” you say. “I don’t…
Episode 252 StoryYou are Jack Healy, a 30 year old man who is spending another birthday alone with a cake and a fork. You remember sending everyone at work a invitation but no one came to your party. You can only assume they were all busy or you just didn’t get their names right. Today is the…
Episode 250 StoryYou are James, a guy who has had a hard time finding one particular grocery item. It’s butter. You have gone to a dozen grocery stores in the past year and none of them have had butter. You wonder why that is. One day, you are at the grocery store when you see the butter…
Episode 249 StoryYou are Mr. Cookies, a guy who likes cookies so much that you changed your last name to reflect that. You eat so many cookies that even the Cookie Monster thinks you’ve gone too far. He tells you to go on a diet, but you ignore him. You can eat a box of cookies in…
Episode 232 StoryYou are Henry Enchilada, an enthusiast of corn-based food living in Iowa. No Nacho November has begun! You have vowed that, for the entire month of November, you will not eat any nachos. This is very difficult for you, because nachos are your favorite food! Temptation comes from all over as you browse the internet…
Episode 228 StoryYou are Arson Welles, famous actor and pyromaniac. You have a great idea for a spooky radio show. On Halloween night, you begin broadcasting pretend reports of people spontaneously combusting all over the United States. You even have a few people “call in” to the show to share the terrifying things they’ve witnessed. To your…
Episode 226 StoryYou are Big Smoke from GTA San Andreas. You are pulling up to the driveway area of Burger King, when a waitress asks what you would like to order. You cough, the new invention of a cinnamon-sprinkled soda making your tongue sting, the surrounding traffic providing the sick instrumental needed for the completion of your…
Episode 218 StoryYou are Mr. Appetite, a fast-food manager. One afternoon, your stomach is growling, so you go into the kitchen where you see dozens of employees preparing dozens of meals. You are so hungry that you start grabbing the meals and start eating them. One of the employees says, “The food’s for the customers.” You reply,…
Episode 209 Story