your name is Greg, you work for Bed Bath and Beyond.

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your name is Greg, you work for Bed Bath and Beyond. You have to get a spreadsheet done in by 1pm, but you are too hungover to think.
 You go home, fall asleep, wake up and find that your wife has left the house. She is now living with her boyfriend who is also her boss.
 Now you really don't feel like working and you barricade yourself in the bathroom. You put and "Out of Order" sign on the stall and sit on the toilet starring at the ceiling for 8 hours. You clock out and feel victorious.
 This is how it goes for most people.
 Your manager quickly catches on to your scheme and then next day when you try to hide in the bathroom, you notice the door is locked. You feel a tap on your shoulder and your manager tells you, "We have to talk."
 "What's going on?"

"Your girlfriend is pregnant and you're refusing to discuss it with me. I can't let this go on."
 You use this oppurtunity to get pity points with your manager and tell them that your girlfriend left you and the child is her bosses & not yours. You hope your manager will give you the day off, but
 he turns you down and says that you have to be there at noon for an important meeting. You are too exhausted to argue with him.
 You begrudgingly attend the meeting. It is the CEO of Bed Bath and Beyond here today to talk all about:
 short term and long term plans. He walks in and sees you sitting on the floor and says, "Hey sweetheart, I'm glad you came in.
 The CEO makes you stand up and tell everyone who you are. You tell them your name is Greg and you really just want to sit on the toilet for 8 hours and do nothing. The CEO looks at you and says, "Brilliant!"
 You take a deep breath and say, "I don't think so."
The CEO of BBE is a little surprised and says, "Well that was pretty damn stupid of you.
 The CEO reveals that he is putting you in charge of the company for a week as part of a new program. You are now the CEO of Bed Bath and Beyond and your first order of business is:
 You are to go to every store in the store chain and tell them that if they sell one item to any customer who doesn't have enough money, they have to buy a thing for free.
 Then your advisors tells you how long that will take and you say, "Actually, nevermind. Just send a company wide memo that all items this week are 99% off!"
 The CEO thinks that's pretty clever and says, "Okay, you've got my attention!"
You walk out the room and head to your car.
 It's only 9:03am, but you call it a day. The next morning when you wake up, you turn on the news to see that Bed Bath and Beyond has gone bankrupt! You go right back to bed.
 You rest your head on the pillow and fall asleep.
A few days later you awaken to a knock at the door. You open it to find your manager standing there.
 Your manager starts to tear into you and say this was all your fault, but you slam the door in his face and go right back to sleep.
 The next day when you wake up you find out that your company went from being profitable to a loss. Everyone was wondering how you could be so dumb to get such a big company to go bankrupt.
 A news reporter knocks on your front door and you give an interview to answer for your actions. You tell everyone that you did it because you are lazy and you hate to work and nothing would make you happier but to sit on the toilet for 8 hours a day. This resonates with the American people and you become a national hero.
 Everyone forgives you.