You are Todd McGlocklyn, a crazy hipster.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Todd McGlocklyn, a crazy hipster. You have decided to go on a slasher spree, but you don't want to use a conventional weapon. Instead, you decide to use the most obscure improvised weapon you can think of:
a piece of chewing gum.
Your plan is simple. You will take one of your girlfriends to a movie and sneak into her car after it's parked. 
 You offer a piece of gum to your girlfriend.  She accepts and you jab the chewing gum right into her throat.
 The gum blocks her airway for several seconds until she starts to choke and cough. You then pull out your phone and start recording.
 You go viral on Tik Tok.  You are nicknamed The
 Gum Gun.
This is the story of how you became The Gum Gun.
I had just graduated from high school when I met my first girlfriend.
 You lean in for a kiss with your girlfriend on the very first date.
 It was the summer before college and we were both eighteen years old at the time. We kissed passionately as our tongues danced together.
 You wanted to run away with her together, but her time was cut short when
 a guy she liked came up behind us and punched me in the face.
She screamed and ran off. I could see she was upset and hurt.
 It was Brian Griffin, a gum salesman for ChewGood Chewing Gum.  You vowed to get revenge against Brian and confronted him at the Gum factory.
 He grabbed you by the hair and pulled you towards the back door of the building. You pushed him away and went outside where you found your girlfriend running through the woods. 
 You leveled up and gain the following gum murdering ability:
 You now have the ability to kill anyone with chewing gum. This includes people who aren't wearing any gum or people with gum stuck in their teeth.
 You unleashed a flood of chewing gum and engulfs the factory floor and smothers Brain Griffin.
 Everyone else except Brian gets sucked into the gum vortex.  You rescue your girlfriend and escape.
You become a celebrity and you move into a small house in an upscale neighborhood.
 Years pass and you still have one thing on the back of your mind: killing Brian.  But Brian remains hidden until one day you run into him a truck stop in Nevada.  Brian reveals that he is now the leader of a Gum Chewing cult named
 the Church of Gum.  The Gum Chewing Cult has taken over the world and they are using their new powers to conquer the world.
 You join the Church of Gum to get closer to Brian and wait for him to let his guard down.  Brian invites you over to dinner one night: this is it!  Brian dies tonight.
 You rush to the church and enter through the front door.  You find yourself in the middle of a church service where the congregation is all standing around a giant gum ball statue.
 You listen as they all chant the same thing over and over:
 "Gum, gum, gum!" You can hear them chanting in tongues and you see a giant gumball rolling across the floor and coming towards you.
 You roll out of the way just in time and bump into the love of your life.  You lean in for a kiss and she tells you that she has also joined the Church of the Gum.  She forces gum into your mouth.
 You immediately choke and cough. You look up to see a giant gumball rolling towards you and you scream. You jump up and run out of the church.
 You fish a wad of old chewing gum from out of the nearby garbage can and fashion a machete out of the hardened gum.  You sharpen it on a nearby rock and then re-enter the church wear you slice Brian's head off in front of everyone.
 You are hailed as a hero and join the Church of the Gum. You become an official member of the Gum Chewing cult. You kill dozens of people and become a legend.