You are Skipper, member of the Monster Squad, a pre-teen organization hell bent on preventing the Universal Monster organization from taking over the world with the help of a dark amulet. You open the fight by kicking The Wolfman in the nards.
The Wolf man recovers and kicks you in the nuts. His face is red as he says "I warned you."
"I'm not wearing any underwear!"
"Oh shut up!
You and the Wolfman roll on the ground in pain until another classic monster shows up to your house:
Dracula. He takes the Wolfman's place while you're out cold. You have to get back to the Monster Squad headquarters before it's too late.
You return home and tell the rest of the Monster Squad what happened. Hector says he doesn't know about this war with the monsters, but you tell him, "If they can get hit in the nards, we can win this."
They all laugh at that one.
The next day the Monster Squad is having a party for a new recruit, a girl named Angela.
It's also Halloween night and suspect that the monsters are mounting an attack for tonight. Angela tells you she has a very specific set of skills that will aid in the fight:
She is a master of disguise.
She slips into the costume of a sexy school girl and heads off to the Monster Squad mansion.
You watch as Angela single handedly catches all the monsters. You ask how she did and she points to the front door as Chris Hansen walks out and says, "Good job!"
You say thanks and go inside to find the rest of the squad.
Chris Hansen introduces himself and asks if you are the new member, Angela replies that she is.
You lean in for a kiss with Angela.
Her hand grabs yours and pulls you away. You look at her and see that she's wearing a device around her neck that looks like a big diamond necklace.
You scream in terror, "It's the dark amulet!" and watch Angela transform into a monster!
You run out the front door and back to your house. You slam the door behind you and hide under the bed.
You hear a noise and see a shadow pass over the bed.
You peak out and take a look at Angela's new monster form:
She is an enormous black bear. She scratches your chest and says, "I've got you now bitch." You try to fight her, but she kicks you in the balls again.
You fall to the ground and are about to be mauled to death when you rip off the dark amulet and throw it across the room shattering it!
Your new powers activate as you yell, "Aaaahhhhhh!" and launch a fireball at the bear. She dodges it and you grab her by her throat and hold her down.
You are about to blast the bear monster with a fireball at point blank range, but Angela turns human again. You take her back to monster squad HQ and tell Gizmo what happened. Gizmo exclaims, "You shattered the dark amulet!?" You say, "Yes... what's the worst that can happened?" You hear a loud noise from outside and see that a giant Cthulhu monster has appeared.
You look at your watch and see that it's 3: 00 AM.
You turn on the TV and see that it is showing a live broadcast of the Monster Squad headquarters on the news.
The news graphic says. "BREAKING NEWS:
The Monster Squad is fighting a large monster on the street outside their headquarters. The police are trying to contain the situation, but no arrests have been made yet."
You, Angela, and Gizmo have to find a way to kick the Cthulhu in the nards. You have an idea:
You and Angela will transform into monsters to stop the monster, and Gizmo will transform into a monster to kill the monster. You tell the rest of the squad this plan and they all agree.
After you all tranform into monsters, you realize the irony of the situation. You are literally now the thing you are fighting against: you are monsters fighting monsters. You attempt to end the cycle of violence by making a peace offering with Cthulhu.
You say, "Cthulhu I am willing to make a deal..."
"I don't care about you or your stupid rules! I only want peace!" Cthulhu replies.
You sign a peace treaty with Cthulhu. In exchange for peace with the monsters, the Monster Squad has agreed to the following demands:
1. They must have a budget of $1 billion dollars. 2. They must be able to put a monster on the cover of every magazine in the country.
You agree. Peace is made. On the cover of Time magazine is the first "Monster of the Year":
You. You are interviewed and tell everyone that you are the best monster fighter ever.
You and Angela go to the Monster Squad Headquarters and find Chris Hansen.
The moral of the story:
If you are going to fight monsters, do not wear underwear.
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This story contains material that might be considered offensive to some people. This story is fiction.