You are Sammy the Sandpiper, rejected 90s mascot.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Sammy the Sandpiper, rejected 90s mascot. Your current mission is to prevent the evil fembots from invading the universe at the behest of the evil Dr. Sputnik. The fembots break into your woodland home and immediately proceed to
 have sex with you. You then proceed to kill them. While this may be a neat way to kill, you still feel a little bad about it.
 You say to yourself, "The ends justify the means." You notice a clue on one of the defeated fembots, it is a manufacutring plant address on the west side of the city. You head directly there as there might be some clue of Dr Sputnik's whereabouts.
 After arriving, you enter the factory and see a large male robot with a beard. He is wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope. "Hello," he says.
 You says, "Hey fat nerd bot, have you seen this man?" The robot nods and then retreats into an office. You follow and see
 a video playing on a screen. It shows several different images of women, dressed in various outfits, some completely naked.
 You observe the women closesly and for hours looking for... clues. You turn the bearded robot and say, "Where is Dr Sputnik?"
 He says, "I do not know," and then you see him walk out of the room. "Dr Sputnik," you ask, "Where is he?"
 You ask over and over, but you are secretly overflowing his memory chips to hack the answer out of him. It works and the bearded robot tells you, "Dr Sputnik is hiding out in
 our underground tunnels. We have been trying to locate him for some time." "Underground tunnels?" You say, "What's in them?" The robot replies, "That's classified information!"
 You ask over and over again to hack the answer out of the bearded robot. The bearded robot finally answers, "The tunnels are filled with
 toxic waste, radioactive material and other dangerous substances." You say, "I can't believe I'm hearing this, what is it exactly?"
 You risk and trudge through the toxic waste to find Dr Sputnik. You finally find him in the tunnels, but the toxic waste has tranformed your body into
 that of an old man. He is lying in a pool of toxic waste, which has killed him. You are now old, like the rest of the world. You are hit with an idea.
 You live the rest of your days in the Playboy Mansion with all of the remaining fembots. Fembots can only kill once they've had sex, but lucky for your you are so old that your pee pee don't work no more.
 There is only one thing left to do.
You are now ready for the final showdown. You head to the elevator and press the button to go up.
 You hit then button for "Heaven", take the elevator all the way to the top, and punch God right in the balls!
 The elevator opens up and you see a beam of light. It is your wife Nadia in the arms of Mr Big. He has a big smile on his face and says, "Well done!"