You are Pope Francis.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Pope Francis. In an attempt to make the religion more interesting for young people you introcude some new cool reforms to the christian church:
the Vatican owns all its own land and rules from there. Rules that are easy to break. You have your first successful coup. You are a happy priest. You are a proud one.
You take over Italy very easily. You simply tell folks that God told you to do it and you assume power without any fight. Your next country to take over is:
You are king of England! The whole country is yours. Nobody is in charge except you. As a bonus, you are also gay.
This decision to come out of the closet instantly divides your followers. You reveal your new boyfriend is famous Hollywood star:
Tom Cruise. Some of them are horrified, while some of them are excited. It is up to you to decide who you want to be friends with.
You are King of England.
The fact that you are dating a huge A list celebrity makes your critics start to come around and be Team Pope again. You feel lucky and drop another huge bomb shell on the world when you reveal:
You are a vampire! This is the biggest revelation of all.
You reveal this by sucking the life out of a rich old grandma that broke into your home. The video of you going vampire mode goes instantly viral and plays on every major news network across the world.
You are a hero.
You are now king of all Europe.And in the middle of this chaos you get a phone call.
It is the United Nations. They are telling you to stop your takeover of Earth or else they will wage World War 3. You say, "No. Bring it on pussies!"
You then make a dramatic gesture and attack the UN. The ensuing battle leaves you completely bruised and bloody. You go back home and immediately start drinking blood. It's like the cure for cancer.
You completely regenerate after drinking an olympic sized pool of blood. You say to Tom, "That was so refreshing, but where did you get all this blood?" Tom says, "
I was at a party and I got drunk and took a big gulp of my guests blood." You say, "You're a fucking idiot! Why the hell did you do that?"
Tom looks confused, but you tell him that rich people blood is demonic and weakens your bond with God. Before you know God appears before you and says, "*sniff* *sniff* is that demonic blood? Oh Popey, you've been a baddddd boy!"
Tom gets a little pissed and leaves.You go back to work. You rule the world.You are very successful. You rule for quite awhile and you live happily ever after.