You are Paul Blart, a mall cop.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Paul Blart, a mall cop. One day, you are strolling around the mall's grocery store when you see a man trying to steal butter by taking sticks of butter out of the box and then stuffing them into his shirt. His name is Jason. You confront him and say, "Hey, take that butter out of your shirt and put it back in the box."
 "But I'm not stealing it," he says, "I'm just taking it for my mother."
"Well, you need to leave this store now," you say.
 You watch Jason dejectly take the mostly melted sticks of butter out of his shirt. You say to yourself, "Another job well done!" Your supervisor watched the whole thing and says
 , "I'll have a talk with that boy." The next day, you see Jason again and he is still stealing butter from the store, but you catch him.
 You catch Jason butter handed again, only this time you ask, "What's really going on?" Jason bursts into tears and says, "Ok ok you got me, this butter is not for my mom, it's actually for
 me. She's sick so I'm helping her out." You give him a hard stare and tell him, "You're fired!" He goes to the bathroom and leaves the store.
 A year passes and you are driving your Segway into work when you see a homeless bum screaming in pain and covered in beer cans. It's Jason! You can't believe how far he has fallen, and you decide to help him out. You offer Jason a job as night guard, but he tells you that he is not homeless but actually the CEO of the mall!
 You don't believe him, so you ask him, "Where did you get all this money?" "Oh I got it from my job," he mumbles. "I'm the manager now!"