You are Lardy McHardy, a fat 700 pound man and current Guinness world record holder for eating 170 hot dogs in 8 minutes.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Lardy McHardy, a fat 700 pound man and current Guinness world record holder for eating 170 hot dogs in 8 minutes. One day, you receive an email from your rival and arch nemesis: Tubbs Heavyson. He challenges you to a hot dog eating contest in town square! You lick the Cheetos dust off of your fingers that had been there from the night before and grab your keyboard. You write to him
 back, "I'll accept your challenge."
The next week, on the Friday before the competition, you arrive at the town square, where you will meet with Tubbs for the first time.
 You are shocked by Tubbs appearance. He is not at all what you expected him to look like. Tubbs is a
 short, skinny guy who has a long torso and wide shoulders. His face is chubby and his hair is greasy. You can't help but think he looks like a clown.
 Before you can say hello, Tubbs hit's you with a witty quip about your weight:
 "You're as big as a house!"
Tubbs then hands you a clipboard filled with papers. On one side of it is a list of rules and regulations for the contest.
 You read the new surprising rules and regulations to the hot dog eating competition:
 1) The winner must eat a total of 170 hot dogs in 8 minutes.
2) There are no judges.
 You accept under condition that instead of side to side, you are face to face with Tubbs. Tubbs agrees and the competition begins! A huge crowd is gathered around as you are slamming hot dogs into your mouth. You notice something odd about the way Tubbs eats his hot dogs:
 he takes them out of the bag and slaps them against his belly. What's worse, he does this every single bite.
 You realize he is taunting you and you retort with a taunt of your own:
 "You're just a fat clown!"
After you finish eating the last of your 170 hot dogs, you notice that Tubbs has not yet finished his.
 Just as you are about to declare victory, you look up into the sky and see it is hailing hot dogs! Your empty plate is quickly covered in a pile of cold wet hot dogs. You look around and see the park becomes flooded with hot dogs trapping everyone here.
 You decide to run away from the flood of hot dogs in order to get some fresh air. As you run, you hear someone yell out, "I got a hot dog!"
 You turn around to see it is Tubbs yelling. Tubbs is claiming victory, and you cannot allow that. You swim back through the sea of hot dogs and roll your fat ass onto the stage and say, "Nobody wins until all these hot dogs are gone!"
 As you begin to walk off the stage, Tubbs approaches you and says, "You know, I'm not trying to win this contest. I'm trying to humiliate you."
 You lean in for a kiss with Tubbs.
 He grabs your hand and says, "I want to show you how much I love you." You kiss him back and say, "I am yours forever."
 You level up and gain following self care powers:
 "No matter what happens, I will always be there for you."
As you walk off the stage, you notice that everyone has turned their backs on you.
 You didn't want to be famous anyway, you only wanted to be loved. You and Tubbs speed waddle into the sunset.
 The next morning, you wake up alone in bed and rub your eyes. You remember last night and wonder if it was all real.
 You hear Tubbs yell, "Pancakes are ready!" and you squeal in excitement. However you are too excited and when you get to the stairs you fall down them and break through the wall to roll out onto the lawn. You are hurt badly.
 You open your eyes and see Tubbs standing over you. You try to sit up but Tubbs grabs you by your hair and pulls you back down.
 You lean in for a kiss with Tubbs, except he pulls away and says, "Humiliation time!" You look up and see the local news has captured everything and a small crowd has gathered to laugh at you.
 Tubbs then proceeds to strip off your clothes, leaving you naked in the sun. You look at him and say, "I don't understand.
 Tubbs looks back and tells you why he has done all of this:
 "I have been looking forward to this day all year. I have been training for this moment for months. I've been eating nothing but hot dogs since July.
 I have been working out like crazy. All my friends and family think I'm a freak and they would never let me live it down. But now, all that is about to change."