You are Frank, the man of a thousand hats.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Frank, the man of a thousand hats. One day you wake up to find that your favorite hat, the "scarlet fedora", has been stolen. You need to get it back.
 You have no idea who stole it, but you do know that if anyone had the means or motive to steal it, they would have done so already.
The first thing you do is go to the local police station and file a report. After all, you're their most valuable customer.
 You meet Officer Cory and tell him your Scarlet Fedora has been stolen. Officer Cory slams his fist down on the table and says, "What the HELL has gone wrong with this town?" You see that behind Officer Cory is a corkboard with a map of the town and a bunch of pins in it. Officer Cory tells you there has been a rise of hat theft like he's never seen before.
 He's going to start patrolling the streets at night looking for any missing hats. He wants you to come with him so he can show you where he patrols.
 You are so happy that Officer Cory is giving your case so much attention and you lean in for a kiss with him.
 After kissing him, you get into the car and Officer Cory drives off. As soon as the door closes, you pull out your phone and call your wife.
 Your wife sounds panicked and tells you there has been a home invasion and that a mysterious man in black has stolen your vast collection of hats!
 You tell her what happened and she immediately calls the police.
When the police arrive, they are shocked to hear that you own a hat shop and that you have a large collection of hats.
 You and Officer Cory arrive at your home and you reveal your troubled past to your wife.
 She explains how she found out about your secret life and that she knew it was time to divorce you.
 You fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness, but your wife packs her bags and moves into a hotel until the divorce is finalized. Officer Cory says he can stop by every once and while to make sure you are ok. Your immense pain has given you a spark of inspiration for your hat making and you craft a whole new slew of hats.
 You even come up with a way to make the hats invisible so you can wear them without anyone knowing they're there. The police officer leaves and you start to work on your new collection.
 You realize that the police have moved on to more serious matters and that if you are going to find this thief you are going to have to setup a hat trap. You release a press statement saying you have a fancy new line of hats that you are going to sell in your shop next week. You sleep in the store and wait for the thief to arrive. A few days pass, but one night you hear the glass break. He's here!
 You rush over and see that the burglar has managed to break into your hat room and has found your invisibility hat. He's going to use it to steal your hats!
 You can't see the burglar, but you know he's in the room with you. You begin flailing wildly until luckily one of your karate chops hits the burglar right in the eyeball. The invisibility hat falls off and you see the burglar is none other than
 Officer Cory! He's bleeding from the eye and he's trying to run away! You grab him by the collar and drag him to the front of the store.
 You feel so betrayed by Officer Cory, but you lean in for one last kiss.
 You kiss him passionately and he lets out a groan of pleasure as you taste his blood. You finally let him go and he runs out of the store.
 You are at a crossroads in your life: do you call the police and turn in the man you love or do you let it all go? You
 decide to let it all go. You want to be a free man. You put the burglar in the backseat of your car and drive away.