You are Chuck McGuck, a famous gambler known as “The Gambler”.

Posted under Story On By Chief

You are Chuck McGuck, a famous gambler known as "The Gambler". One day while playing cards with your rich buddies, you feel a fart coming on. Naturally, you decide to gamble on it.
 You bet on the fart and you lose. Now you have to pay for it, but you play again and again and again, until finally the card game is over.
 You reveal your troubled past to the dealer.
 He tells you that he has heard that the Police Commissioner was a fussy eater and that he would like to meet you.
The next day, a stranger arrives at your home.
 It is Dale, the police commisioner's assistent with a list of acceptable foods that the fussy commisioner will eat:
 green beans, yellow squash, marshmellows, hot dogs and hamburgers.
 You bring a casserole to the Police Commissioner's house with everything he likes except you could find any yellow squash so you replaced it with pumpkin and hopes he doesn't notice. The Police Commisioner opens the door and you lean in for a kiss.
 "Oh my, I'm sorry Mr. McGuck, you're not my type. You're a bit skinny and have a big nose. You're a little too old for me."
 You and the commisioner finish the entire casserole. The commisioner says, "That was the best thing I've ever eaten!" You say, "Funny you say that, it's everything you like! Except for the squash, I had to use pumpkin instead." You see the commisioner get fuming mad, "I HATE PUMPKIN!"
 You are now a wanted man, you go to work for The Secret Service. Eventually, when they need a new agent, you are chosen.
 You are given the code name:
 John Q. Public. You are assigned a safe house in Washington D.C. and given a large amount of money to live on.
 You immediately take all the money and head to the casino where you lose it all on Blackjack.
 "This is terrible!" you say, "I'll never get my gambling back!" Suddenly, a voice behind you says "Hey kid, you want a free meal?"
 You turn around and see it's the commissioner who force feeds yellow squash into your face until you lose conscisiousness.
 "Sorry I couldn't do anything about your wife, but I'm sure she's fine. I'll let her know how much you enjoyed the casserole."
 You take this as a threat and make it your sole mission in life to make the Commisioner suffer.
 After a few months of torment, the Commissioner finally calls the National Guard to his house and you are sent in to kill him.
 In order to prevent a war between The National Guard and The Secret Service, you lean in for a kiss with the police commisioner.
 This time, the kick is more forceful. Instead of being a friendly kiss, it is now a violent one. You quickly rip the commisioner's throat out.
 The moral of the story:
 Never mess with the Fussy Commisioner!

You return home and immediately call your family and tell them you have killed the Fussy Commisioner.