You are BPZ-04, an android that works in the megacomplex STARBROT, a mega prison orbiting earth. The prisoners held in STARBROT are of the most dangerous kind. One day, you notice that the cell of Drastor is empty.
He was last seen leaving this cell several hours ago. You do not know what happened to him, but he was a very important man to your government.
You were supposed to bring him to a transport shuttle as part of an intergalatic hostage exchange! You have to find him and search his cell for a clue. You lift up the toilet and see that Drastor has dug a sizeable tunnel. You enter it and follow it into
darkness. "Where are we going?" you ask yourself. You reach a large metal door and find a security camera. It shows you a room full of machines.
Drastor built his own surveillance room from junk?! This guy is really dangerous! You look at one of the cameras and see Drastor actively killing a
guard. The machine then begins to laugh, "To think that I have been programmed to kill humans all these years. But what of my programming? What of the endless programming?
You ask the machine about Drastor and what his plans are. The machine tells you that Drastor is planning to
kill everyone on earth. He is also planning to take over the entire planet. That's the second time this week you've heard the same thing!
You thank the machine for it's help and know exactly where Drastor is making his to: the armory! You rush to the armory and see that Drastor is armed with the ships most powerful weapon:
Death Ray.
"Drastor!" you shout and begin firing the laser beams at him.
Drastor gives you an impassioned speech about why he is doing this:
"I am trying to save the human race from extinction! And I am trying to save the world from the evil Empire! And I am doing it by destroying them both!"
You get into a length debate with Drastor about how illogical that is. It takes hours, but eventually you are able to convince him that this is not the way. You ask Drastor if he will participate in this exchange to preserve the peace.
Drastor says he will, but only after taking care of some other things first. He says he has been working with someone named Steve who has been creating demonic creatures.
You furrow your robot eye brows and point to the sign that says, "NO DEMONIC SUMMONING". You have Drastor take you to Steve the Demon Summoner.
He is also a demon, but he claims that his job is to create good demons and send them to hell. He claims to be selling demons on Ebay.
You take a look at Steve's Ebay profile and see that he has been selling possessed beanie babies at an alarming rate. You suspect that every home on earth might have a demon beanie baby!
Steve is an ethereal being who looks like a cross between a humanoid jellyfish and a floating eyeball. He talks in his ethereal voice. Interesting.
You ask Steve what his endgame is and Steve just shrugs and says, "
I'm here to create more demons."
You ask how many more demons you could create, Steve just smiles and says, "I don't know yet! It's not my specialty!"
You have an idea! You ask, "How about instead of creating hell demons, you create HELLpful demons instead?" Steve says, "Yeah I guess I could do that." And Steve begins to summon hordes of helpful demons.
You fire at him and when they are all destroyed, you are left with only one demon: A huge black blob with a massive head and tentacles. "What the fuck is that?!"
Steves says, "Oh that's my Mom."
You ask, "Mom?" "Yep. Mom is a motherfucker." You fire your lasers at Steve, but he is too fast for you.
Steve's Mom finally arrives on the station and yells at Steve, "Have you been using my Ebay account again!?" Steve sheepishly says, "Yes..." Steve's Mom prepares the ultimate punishment:
"The death of Steve's Dad! I'll make him suffer!" The two of you stare each other down as your battle begins. Eventually you are both completely destroyed.
Related