You are a boss hated by a group of female coworkers. You spy on their group chat as see they talk shit about you often. You decide to speak up one day and say
you think the word "bitch" is in bad taste. The next day she says you are not important enough to get your way.
You schedule a 1 on 1 meeting with the coworker leading the bullying campaign against you: Debbie Wankynowski.
You arrive and see her immediately when you enter the private office. After chatting, it's obvious you have a similar personality. She later requests that you do something barnyard related for fun.
You stand up to Debbie and say, "Oh yeah? Barnyard stuff? Like visiting your family?"
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You work this job 3 years and it seems like the only thing that is different is that after a couple of months you are getting women too.
Things with Debbie are getting serious and you bring up that you think you and Debbie should be "exclusive."
She breaks down in tears so hard, you wonder what has happened in the past.
You don't know if you should, but you ask Debbie to tell you about her ex-husband.
He had a pick up truck that she wanted to get rid of. One day she said she found out he tried to buy it with some money she stole from another place.
You are shocked to learn about Debbie's life of crime and proceed to share a secret of about your own troubled past:
your first sexual experience was while looking for a co-worker's mule that broke down.How you got to work almost makes you seem more interesting.
Debbie looks disgusted and responds, "You slept... with a mule?" You realize this was a mistake to reveal to Debbie and try to pass it off as a joke.
You explain you did find it odd to find a less attractive mule in a lonely area. You show her pics of her wife, son and even daughter.
Debbie calls in the town preacher believe your love with a mule is some kind of Satanic ritual.
You take the opportunity and leave. How could you have predicted this would happen?Best thing you ever did was stop fucking around with a mule.
When you arrive home your house is surrounded by News Reporters. Everyone wants to know more about your mule relationship. You panic and blurt out:
"That story made a few little girls into lesbians."
You never thought you would be a lesbian, but you were a hit with every girl.It becomes one of your great jobs.
You go to sleep in hopes that they will be gone in the morning, but when you wake up and head to work they are still there! In fact, there are about 10 times as many reporters as yesterday and they are all asking the same question:
"Hey, Curlgurl, you are having extramarital sex now?"The boss shouts at them,"Get the hell back to work!"
You fight your way through the hoard of reporters and make your way into work late. Everyone at work is calling you "Curlgurl" and you hate it. You call an emergency office meeting to address you newfound infamy.
Everyone is watching as you can handle a group of guys trying to take you down. The inquisitive reporter asks who your boyfriend is and you explain the situation.
You explain that you've done things in the past you regret and that makes you human. You explain in detail your relationship with mule:
when you were young, hanging out in herds with other farm girls. You met one in this situation and fell in love with it which was a normal reaction.
Revealing this splits public opinion on your relationship with a mule: half of people think it is disgusting and the other half think it is disgusting, but think you should be free to love whoever you want.
At this point it is obvious no matter what you do, people are going to think differently about your mule than they think about yours. Everyone went back to work.
Your coworkers stop bringing up, but they never look at you the same way ever again. You are able to keep your job because of threatening a discrimination lawsuit, but you realize you hate this job. You really want to be on the farm again. So you return to the family farm and see the mule you fell in love with all those years ago.
It is much the same, but its not dead and its hot!You and the creation grow closer and closer, but it soon feels like there is something you are missing and you give it up.
You and the mule have a platonic relationship and grow old together on the family farm until you die.
Your kids never knew their mother.No one ever bought a co-worker a mule.Debbie gets fired and has a nervous breakdown thanks to how she was treated by her coworkers.
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