Virgil Walker, hair product magnate

Posted under Episode 100, Story On By Chief

You Your kung-fu alter ego is Hair Care. One day, your sidekick, Sham Fu, tells you about a mysterious blues man making trouble in Follicle City. His name is Joel Walker.

> You go with him You decide to take him on. He offers to pay you double what he would normally pay for your services, and you accept. The next day, you meet Joel at his apartment. As soon as you enter the door, he grabs you by the throat and begins choking you until you pass out.

You wake up chained to the bed. Joel takes of his disguise and reveals himself as the Dirty Hair Hippy Man, your arch enemy.

"I've been waiting for this moment my whole life," he says. "Now I can finally get rid of you". Joel proceeds to beat you senseless while you're unconscious. When you regain consciousness, you find yourself tied to a chair. Joel has put a knife to your throat. "Who's the winner?" he asks. "The loser?"

You say "I guess you've beat me," you tell Joel. Meanwhile, you are working your hands free from behind the chair with the power of Walker-brand Leave-In Conditioner.

Joel looks at you in disbelief, "What the fuck? How did you do that?! That's impossible!" You explain, "It's the secret ingredient of Hair Care". Joel laughs, "Ha ha! Ha ha! You think it's just some magic potion? It ain't!"

You throw hair gel at his feet and he is instantly stuck to the floor.

You continue throwing more hair gel at him until he falls over and breaks his neck. Afterwards, you laugh maniacally, "That was fun".

You spray Nair on his entire body until he is completely hairless. Then call the police and have him arrested.

Afterwards, you laugh again, "Well, if you want to kill someone, I'm sure there's plenty of other people who'd love to see you suffer". Scene 2: A New Beginning... A year later, the city is peaceful once again. You are happy with your new found peace.

Sham Fu comes to you, crying. He is completely bald. He tells you that the top Korean hairdresser in town, Bong Yoon Sassoon, shaved his head as revenge for you getting his friend Joel Walker arrested. You look at the sky and yell: "SASSS-OOONNNN!!!"

At first, you don't know how to react to this news. You didn't expect this to happen either, so why now? But then, you remember something. "Hey", you ask Sham Fu, "what happened to Joel? Did you shave his head too?" Shamelessly, Sham Fu responds, "He got killed by a drug dealer".

upon hearing the bad news, you rub "no more tears shampoo" into your eyes.

You start to cry uncontrollably. Suddenly, you hear a scream coming from outside. "Shit!", you shout. A woman screams and runs off screaming, "Help, help, they're killing them!". Then, you see two men dressed like cops standing near the window of your house.

You realize the men are Bong Yoon's nail salon techs. They pull out nail guns and unload on your house. You dive to the floor as a hail of nails come through the window.

As the nails fly all around you, you are hit several times. In fact, you feel nothing except pain. Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain in your chest. You gasp for air and try to breathe, but you cannot. You feel like you will die right here. Then, you suddenly feel a warm liquid flow into your wound. It feels like honey.

It's the Barbacide, it heals you instantly and gives you super strength. You run outside and the nails deflect off your body. You whip your pony tail at the Bong Yoon's men and knock them unconscious.

Then, you grab one of their pistols and shoot the guy holding it. You run back inside and blast another one, before kicking the last one in the face. You run upstairs and open the safe where you keep your money. You count out $100 million dollars and give it to Sham Fu. "Thanks bud!", he says.

You head over to Bong Yoon's headquarters. Sham Fu is very stressed about going with you, but you work some Walker-Brand relaxer into his scalp, and he calms down and agrees to join you.

> You go with Sham Fu You agree to accompany Sham Fu because you don't want to be alone anymore. You walk with Sham Fu towards the office building. Soon, you reach the door. "Come on, let's go", you say. "No, no, we gotta go together". Sham Fu points to the building.

You see Sham Fu is pointing at a sign on the door that says, "No shoes, no shirt, no service!" You and Sham Fu put on shirts and shoes and race in to the build to find Bong Yoon Sassoon and defeat him.

The three of you take out the remaining five members of the Syndicate. After defeating them, you return to the mansion where you meet up with your friends. You are happy that everything worked out well. Later, you get ready for bed when a voice calls out to you, "Good night, Mr. Nice Guy. Good Night".

You look out the window and see Sam Fantasma, known in America as hair-cutting titan Fantastic Sam. He holds up a hand, and your window shatters. The shards of glass race toward you and slice your ponytail off. You scream at the shear unfairness of it all. Fantastic Sam laughs like a maniac.

He grabs the broken pieces of glass and throws them at you. You jump back and duck behind the couch. As the glass hits you, you feel a burning sensation in your chest.

You rub some barbacide on it and continue fighting.

Suddenly, you feel a strange sensation. You think you might have been poisoned. You vomit blood and fall to the ground. Suddenly, you feel a strong urge to urinate. You look over at the TV and see a news report about a man named Michael Scott, who had been shot in the neck while he was driving. His car crashed into a tree and burned to the ground.

Fantastic Sam swears vengeance on you. "You have tangled things up in this town for the last time, Herr Care," he tells you. "Much like your overpriced hair care products, you claim to clean things up, but you damage the root in the process. I declare you unfit for sale!"

> You kill Fantastic Sam You decide to end Fantasma's life. You climb onto the roof of his mansion and fire a shotgun blast directly at his heart. Fantasma falls backwards off the balcony, dead. With the death of Fantasma, your gang has become a lot stronger. You go back to your room and lie down.

You relax by rubbing various lotions and conditioners into your hair and body. You are content with power and laugh to yourself.

You wake up the next morning with a headache. You sit up in bed and notice a small red dot moving slowly across your left eye. You groggily stand up. You see a bullet hole in your ceiling. You quickly rush downstairs. When you enter the bedroom, you see a bloody mess. There is a pool of blood on the floor near the bed.

You see Sham Fu with a bright red head of hair and realize he has just dyed his hair. "There's a new hero in town," he tells you. "Rumor has it he's from another planet. The people call him Supercuts." You and your gang, the Deadlocks, declare war on Supercuts, but he is immortal.

He shrugs off bullets and other weapons. He defeats you easily. "I'll show you what real heroes are made of," he declares.

You text your superhero girlfriend "Lady Jane" and beg for help.

She arrives and helps you. When you finally finish killing Supercuts, you find that you have killed two super villains instead of one. You also learn that he lives in the sewers under the city. You wonder if you should leave or not.

You ask Lady Jane why she's showing off so much cleavage, and she tells you it's because she's a feminist. You descend into the sewers to destroy Supercuts' Lazarus barber chair, which will stop any attempts to bring him back to life.

When you arrive at the basement entrance of the barbershop, you hear a loud noise. It sounds like it came from above. You run upstairs to investigate. You find the entire place destroyed. You can smell the smoke billowing from the wreckage. You search through the rubble and find several severed human heads. They are wearing the same clothes you saw in the living room.

You see Supercuts appear out of the smoke.

He smiles at you, but then looks away. "What the hell happened here?" he asks. "A villain called Supercuts blew up my house, killed my family, and now wants me to join him in destroying the world. What do you want to do?" Supercuts takes out a large notebook and begins writing something in it.

Supercuts shows you what he wrote in the notebook. It reads: "You think you are the hair in this story, but have you ever considered you are the grease and residue that builds up over the course of a day? Perhaps it is you who needs to be washed away." You realize Supercuts is right.

You've been doing more harm than good. The next day, you meet with Supercuts again in his underground lair. You tell him you're ready to take him down. He says he knows you are. He points to a pile of bodies in the corner of the room. "These were my men. They died trying to arrest me. Now they deserve to die too".

You wait until Supercuts is not looking, then you punch him in the mouth.

He grabs your arm, but you pull back and kick him in the face. He collapses, unconscious. You grab a knife from the table and stab him in the throat. The rest of your gang comes running in. "Why did you do that?!" you demand. They say nothing, but they all agree that you need to change your ways.

You find and destroy the Lazarus barber chair. Supercuts is gone forever. The pile of his henchmen slowly start to get up and pledge allegiance to you. You decide to make this your new HQ.

You have a hard time deciding what to do about your girlfriend. She is pretty hot, but you don't know how to handle her. You could keep her as your sidekick, but there are other problems. The whole point of being a supervillain is to cause trouble. If you lose her, you might never be able to do it.

You decide to just be friends-with-benefits with Lady Jane. You settle into life as king of the underworld. The people call your Hairpin now. No one can touch you. But you start hearing reports of a new hero, the daughter of Supercuts. She's growing in power every day and winning the hearts and minds of Follicle City. Her name ... is Aveda.

> You follow Lady Jane The only thing worse than losing Aveda would be having to deal with her alone. So you go after her. You send your gang after her, but they are defeated. Then you send your own gang after her. They are defeated. Finally, you send Lady Jane after them. She succeeds in capturing Aveda.