Tony, the world’s biggest fan of the film Sister Act 2

Posted under Episode 119, Story On By Chief

You saw the film about 15 times in theaters. For your birthday, Jason gets you a Blu-Ray of Sister Act 2. Jim almost forgot your birthday, so he quickly rushed to a Goodwill and bought a VHS copy of Sister Act 2 that's in bad shape. You say, "Jim, this is a pretty cruddy gift." Jim gets offended and throws the VHS at a wall.

You: "I'm sorry, I know it's not good quality. It was my birthday present to you". Jim: "Yeah? Well, it wasn't mine! I don't give a shit what movie it is!" You: "It's a DVD, Jim!"

You see that there is a hole in the wall where Jim threw the VHS. There appears to be something there, perhaps a secret room.

You walk over to the hole and look down into darkness...

You hear the voice of Whoopie Goldburg come through the darkness.

> You go Down The Secret Hole Whoopie Goldburg: (Sigh) I hate these stupid movies. They're all the same. (Sigh) I wish I had never seen the first one. I wish I hadn't seen the second one. I wish I hadn't seen the third one. And I really wish I'd never heard about the fourth one!

Jim and Jason follow you down into the hole. You realize you are inside the mind of Whoopi Goldberg, and she hates most of her movies.

She says, "This isn't funny anymore! This is just boring! I want to be free! I want to get out of here! I want to leave this place! I want to leave Hollywood forever!" Whoopi Goldberg: "Please, Jim, can we stop talking about these movies? We should watch something else!"

Jim says to Tony in disbelief "This lady started out as a comedian??"

Whoopi Goldberg: "No! This is who I am now! This is me! This is who I've always been! I'm who I've always wanted to be! Please, let's just enjoy life! Let's just have fun!" Suddenly, a door opens up. A man with glasses steps out. He has long hair and wears a suit.

It's Bill Duke, director of Sister Act 2.

Bill Duke: "What do you think you're doing down here?" Whoopi Goldberg: "My friend wants to talk to you about his new movie. It's called Sister Act 2". Bill Duke: "Oh, okay. What's wrong with it?" Tony: "The plot is terrible. It makes no sense".

You and Jason realize that Whoopi can hear Jim's voice in her head, but nobody's else's, and it's slowly driving her insane. You tell Jim, but he doesn't care.

He tells you to turn off the light, and then you both exit the basement.

You ask Bill Duke to create a Sister Act-iverse where Whoopi Goldberg can finally find peace from the Jim in her head.

Bill does so.

Jim says to Whoopie Goldberg "You need to pull yourself together and get back in the game Whoopie! You can make it to the top! You need to pour your heart into the Sister Act Trilogy like it's your destiny."

Meanwhile, Tony, still living under the bridge, hears the sound of music coming from the front yard of the house where he lives. He goes outside to investigate. Tony: "Hey! Is that a concert going on out there?" Neighbors: "Yes, and it sounds great". Tony: "Great! That means you guys are having a party right now".

You realize you have traveled to the cast reunion party for "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." Whoopi is having the time of her life.

She's got a bunch of old friends to dance with, an amazing stage show and a whole lot of money. Suddenly, a car pulls up. It's Eddie Murphy. He looks very unhappy. Eddie Murphy: "Wha... wha... wha... wha... wha... wha... wha... wha... wha... wha..".

Jim makes Whoopi ask Eddie Murphy why he looks so sad.

Eddie Murphy: "Why do you look sad? Are you depressed about how your career is going?" Eddie Murphy: "Well, I mean... I guess I am..". Tony: "You're depressed because you feel like you've wasted your talent? Because you're a hack actor?" Eddie Murphy: "That's not true!"

Eddie Murphy agrees to star and direct Sister Act 3. No one ask him to, but you are very exited to hear this.

Afterwards, you ask Jim if he thinks Eddie Murphy will ever act again. Jim answers "Not unless he gets shot or stabbed by someone trying to kill him. Then maybe..".

Jim comes up with a plan to scare Eddie Murphy so bad that he reevaluates his life and recommits himself to his craft.

Tony asks Jim what the hell happened to Jim's family. Jim explains that they were killed in a freak accident involving their car. Tony asks you what did Jim say? You don't know anything about it, but you see that Tony is looking at you strangely. Tony: "I'm sorry, but you'll have to take my word for it".

You don't believe Jim for a second and realize he is going to convince Whoopi to stab Eddie Murphy.

> You go to the party You decide to go to the party. When you arrive, you bump into Whoopi Goldberg, who is also enjoying herself. She says hello to you. Whoopi Goldberg: "So, you're the guy that made all those girls fall in love with you. How nice, I was wondering when the chance would come".

Invite Whoopi to come upstairs with you.

> You invite Whoopi to come upstairs with you You walk up to the stairs and open them. There sits Whoopi Goldberg. She smiles at you. Whoopi Goldberg: "Hello, I'm glad to meet you". You kiss her goodbye and proceed to the party. As you enter the room, you notice that everyone is dancing.

You realize Whoopi was coming on to you, you head back to the room and take your pants off.

Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain. Your dick is bleeding profusely and you're terrified. Someone stabs you in the neck with a knife. You die instantly.

You see Eddie Murphy standing over Tony's body.

Eddie Murphy: "Damn, that was quick. Now I gotta deal with this mess". Later, you wake up in the morgue, which is empty except for a doctor examining your body. The doctor: "It appears you had a medical emergency that caused you to bleed out and die quickly. This is the first time I've seen anyone die this way".

You vow to the ghost gods that you will get revenge on Eddie Murphy. You try to make contact with Whoopi Goldberg, a known psychic, through the netherworld.

She has no idea what you're talking about, but she gives you a call anyway. Whoopi Goldberg: "Who is this?". Ghost: "This is Whoopi Goldberg, please help me!". The next day, you go to Eddie Murphy's trailer, where he has been staying. He is sleeping in his chair. He wakes up and sees you.

You pretend like you are interested in sex, and then cut off his balls with a sharp broken piece of pottery.

He screams and falls backwards onto the floor. He tries to defend himself, but you grab him by his hair and choke him until he passes out. Later, you wake up in the morgue, which is empty except for a doctor examining your body. The doctor: "It appears you had a medical emergency that caused you to bleed out and die quickly".

You go to Whoopi Goldberg's house and look through the window. You see Jim and Whoopi sitting on the couch kissing passionately. You are shocked and jealous.

You run inside and start beating up Jim and Whoopi. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy is watching TV and sees the two men fighting. He runs down to the street and starts yelling at the top of his lungs "YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! YOU KILLED MY GIRLFRIENDS! YOUR LIVES ARE ENDED TODAY!"

You realize that just like in his movie, Eddie Murphy plays multiple humans in real life. You have to hunt them all down and kill them. But first, you decide to haunt your non-bro Jim.

You tell him that you need him to do something for you, but he doesn't want to do it. You scream at him and kick him around until he finally relents. You tell him to go find Jim, then you leave.Later, you wake up in the morgue, which is empty except for a doctor examining your body.

You are summoned by Jason, who is feeling left out.

You explain that you need some information from him. Jason: "What is it?" You answer. Jason: "Are you still alive?" When you asked him, he didn't really think too much about it, but now that he's dead, you can't remember any more details about him. You go to Eddie Murphy's trailer and knock on the door.

You continue.

Jason: "Hey, I heard you guys got into a fight last night". When you opened the door, Eddie Murphy was lying dead on the ground. His girlfriend, who was crying hysterically, was holding his hand. You: "Yeah, I did, but why?" Girlfriend: "Because I loved him so much..".

You say "Did you love him, or did you love his fame and money?"

She replies "I loved both of them" You: "And you killed him? Because if you did, then you should be ashamed of yourself". Afterwards, you decide to haunt Eddie Murphy's trailer. You wait for Eddie Murphy to return home from work. He never comes home. You check every corner of the trailer park looking for him.

Tony uses his bloody ghost dick to write "Murder" backwards on the side of Eddie Murphy's trailer.

After a week passes, you finally manage to track him down. He lives in an apartment building called "The Park Apartments", which is located near the same place as you live. You arrive at the Park Apartments. Inside, there is Eddie Murphy, who looks very tired. He opens the door and says "Hi, how are you? Are you going somewhere tonight?".

You call and exorcist to come and get rid of Eddie Murphy. You then follow it up and setup a date with Whoopi pretending to be Jim. You tell Jim to come over and prepare to make whoopie with Whoopi.

> You meet Whoopi Goldberg When you arrive at Whoopi's apartment, she greets you warmly and asks you to sit down. She tells you that she would love to talk to you, but she needs to take care of her own business.

Jim puts his finger on Whoopi's lips and says "Shhhh. We both need to take care of some business." and Jim begins kissing Whoopi Goldberg while at the same time looking at Tony's ghost in the corner.

Meanwhile, you are having trouble getting Whoopi on your bed because she refuses to give up her spot. Finally, after a few minutes, you manage to convince her to join you. Whoopi: " know that guy who died yesterday?" You: "Yes, he is my ex-boyfriend".

You try and climb a penny as Jim and Whoopie take off their clothes and get in the bed.

> You get ready to fuck Whoopi Whoopi: "Why don't we start with this..". You: "Wha...No, let me finish". Whoopi: "Okay, okay, I'll listen". You: "Let's begin".

Whoopi sits down at the pottery wheel as Jim holds her in his arms tightly, and Tony is there too.

Suddenly, Whoopi begins to moan loudly and writhe on the potter's wheel. Suddenly, Jim gets up and walks towards Whoopi. He grabs her hair and pulls her head back. Whoopi: "What the hell are you doing?! Stop it right now!" Jim: "Stop what?" Whoopi: "Don't touch me!"

Jim apologizes and caresses Whoopi. "I'm sorry," he tells her. "You know, deep down, I'm a feminist. I've never told anyone that before."

Suddenly, the pottery wheel stops spinning and spins again. This time, Tony steps forward and starts to pull Whoopi away from Jim. Whoopi: "Get off of me!" Jim: "Sorry, sorry, sorry..". Whoopi screams and cries. Finally, Jim gives up and lets Whoopi go.

You take off your ghost pants in front of Whoopi.

She notices your penis erect and blushes. "Oh my god! Oh my god! What are you doing?!" Whoopi: "I'm not sure yet. But, I think you're a good man". You: "A good man? A fucking good man? That's just great! I want to thank you for being so understanding!"

You undo Whoopi's robe with your poltergeist. Jason sits in the corner, staring and breathing heavily.

You tell Whoopi: "Come here, baby. Let's play a game". Whoopi: "Really? Okay..". You grab Whoopi by the shoulders and pull her close to you. You kiss her passionately. Then, you push her against the wall and shove your cock inside her. Whoopi: "Ahh! Fuck!"

You continue.

Whoopi: "Mmm, yes... Yes..". You: "Now, take off your panties". Whoopi: "But... But... It hurts!" You: "It doesn't hurt, because it's all about pleasure". Whoopi: "Pleasure... Pleasure.... Mmmm... Ahhh!!!"

You see ghost Jason in the corner choking himself and grinning.

Whoopi: "Ahhhhh!!! Fuck!!" Jason: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuuck!!!" Whoopi: "Ahhhhh!!!" You: "Just relax, honey. Just relax..". Then, you cum inside Whoopi.

You say "That's a Whoopie!" You high-five Jason.

Afterwards, Whoopi is still holding onto you. "Thank you, Mr. Good Guy" Jason: "Hahaha! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I didn't know you were a good guy! I was trying to save myself!"

The shadow monsters come and take Eddie Murphy, who was hiding under the bed, and Eddie screams and they drag him away into the night.