You are Henry Samuel, a man who has become a ghost Hunter because of the classic 80s Movie Ghostbusters . You have been hired by your friend and fellow Ghostbuster Peter Venkman to track down an evil entity that is currently residing in New York City's subway system. Your mission: find it before it finds you! You suspect that the evil entity is also responsible for the river of slime. As a result, you have come up with some new equipment to help you on your quest. First off, there is your trusty canister of Ecto Cooler. This was one of Bill Murray's inventions from the movie “Ghostbusters II” and will serve as your primary source of liquid refreshment while you travel underground. Next, you've got a special outfit made out of silver foil. It allows you to pass through solid objects without damaging them or being damaged yourself. Finally, there's your proton pack which will allow you to throw energy beams at anything that gets in your way. With all this gear, what could possibly go wrong? Your first step is to get inside the subway system itself so that you can begin tracking down any sign of evil. Luckily, someone else has already done most of the work for you. You look at the sewer lid and it is open and takes you directly to an abandoned subway platform. You hear something startle you and turn around to see a giant rat scurrying away into the dark tunnels beneath the city. The creature looks like a mix between a cat and a rat but its size alone makes it worthy of your attention. You take cover behind a pile of broken concrete blocks and try to decide how best to handle the situation. You talk into your emergency radio and say, "Even though I'm a Ghostbuster, I always poop my pants whenever I see a ghost." Then you pull out your gun and fire three shots in quick succession. Three more bullets hit the monster and it falls over dead. You pick up the body, carry it to the edge of the platform, then toss it over the side. As soon as the rat corpse hits the evil slime, it begins to transform into human form. A large head pops out of the goop and you recognize him immediately. He is Ray Stantz, one of the original Ghostbusters from the movie series. "Oh shit!" you exclaim. Ray thanks you for freeing him from his rat form. Ray tells you everything he knows about the evil entity you are hunting: "It's called 'Sloth,' and it's very dangerous. I don't know where it is but I do know that it is living somewhere underneath the city. That's why I need your help. Ray hands you a bottle of crystal skull vodka. He says, "This is a special drink that will help us find Sloth. Here, you better take a swig of this stuff." You accept the glass of booze and down half of it in one gulp. You follow Ray deeper underground and he tells you that he has been hunting this thing for years. You ask Ray, "What is the evil entity? Is it some kind of poltergeist?" Ray answers, "No, it's not a ghost. It's a real fucking asshole!" The two of you walk through the subway tunnels until you reach an abandoned maintenance room. Ray tells you that this is the perfect place to set up shop and wait for Sloth to make its next move . You make small talk with Ray as you wait. You ask Ray, "How can I become a ghostbuster? Like can I just join the team if we get Sloth?" Ray smiles and says, "Hell yeah! There's no secret handshake or initiation ritual. All you have to do is show me that you're willing to put in the work. And you've shown that already." You ask Ray, "When did you realize that ghosts were real?" Ray responds, "Well, when I was a kid I had a nightmare that my mom was being murdered by a ghost. I woke up crying and she was right there holding me. She said, 'I'm here, baby.' You hear a loud noise and see Sloth emerge from a pool of slime. Ray draws his gun and fires at the slime. Sloth is angry and transforms back into the rat monster. You quickly jump in front of Ray to protect him. The rat monster grabs you and tries to drag you into the pool of slime. You poop on the rat monster in fear. Ray laughs at you and shoots the monster again. This time, the rat monster explodes into tiny pieces. Ray says to you, "Sorry about that." You reply, "I'm sorry too. You saved my life." Ray tells you, "Hey, it's what we do." You say, "So, what now?" Ray replies, "Now we track down Sloth." You watch Ray jump in the pool of slime. You look afraid, but jump in right behind him. You are transported to a goo world where Sloth lives. Ghosts are everywhere and Ray tells you, "Stay close, kid. We can't stay here for long. We have to close the portal to our world!" Ray shouts, "Ghostbusters!" All of the ghosts come running towards you. They surround you and hug you tightly. You feel like a rock star. Ray asks you, "Are you ready to be a Ghostbuster?" You nod and begin to exterminate all of the ghosts your proton grenades and a glowing proton knife. You are ghost killing machine! * * * Dale: Your parents are proud of you and they tell you how great you are. You smile and say, "Thanks Mom and Dad." Mom says, "I love you so much Dale. You shed a single tear for the ghost of your brother Dale and then you stab him right in the head. You continue to slice through ghosts until Sloth appears. Sloth is a gigantic ghost that takes the form of a giant monster rat. Sloth roars and attacks you. You fall to the ground and are surrounded by the rat monsters. They try to rip you apart but you are protected by your Ghostbuster gear. You look around for Ray and see that he is in position to strike Sloth with a lethal blow. Ray descends from the ceiling and attacks! Sloth is hit hard by Ray's proton blast. The rat monster is disintegrated into tiny pieces. You and Ray laugh and celebrate your victory over the evil ghost! * * * Gina: You enter a new apartment building and you are surprised to see that the elevator has stopped working. You ask the security guard, "Do you know how to fix the elevator?" He shrugs his shoulders and says, "Nope. But I do know someone who might be able to help you." You hear Ray's voice from the elevator shaft yell, "Ghostbusters!" A large ghostly figure emerges from the elevator shaft. It looks like a huge shadow with a transparent body. The ghost walks towards you and says, "Hello. I am Sloth." Next time on "The Sort Of Fake Ghostbusters": "Yes, yes," you say. "We need to find a way to stop Sloth." "Oh, you'll stop him alright!" says Ray. "I'll bet you five bucks that we will kill this thing in one shot!"