The Scariest Story Ever

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

This is the scariest story ever.
 I mean, like, really scary." He looked at me and then to his parents who were both nodding their heads in agreement with him. "But it's not even real so you can't be scared of something that isn't happening."

Your father interrupts and says, "But it IS happening!"

I roll my eyes as he goes on about how much fun this will be for us all to watch while we are here together. My mom nods her head too but she looks a little worried.

I go on telling the scariest story ever:

"Once upon a time there was a boy named Alex who lived in San Francisco with his family. His mother was an artist and had been doing some work around town one day when she got lost.
 She walked into a house where they kept pets and found a small cat curled up near the back door. The woman inside saw her looking at the animal and told her it wasn't allowed to have animals in her home because it made too much noise and disturbed everyone else.
 But before she could explain why, the woman disappeared without any explanation or warning. When Alex's mother tried to leave the house, a man appeared behind her with a knife and threatened her life if she didn't stay put.

The man was the head of the HOA and was known for doing shady things to get people to abide by the HOA's rules.
 So, Alex's mother stayed where she was while the man went outside and called out to his wife who came out from somewhere. After the couple talked for a bit, the husband returned to his house with the woman and left again without saying anything.

The cat was found dead in her driveway.  But the head of the HOA did not know one thing: this woman was a witch!  The witch got to work immediately and brought the cat back to life, but this time the cat had a craving for kill the HOA members.
 The witch wanted revenge against those who would do such evil things to others.
So, the witch decided to take the form of a beautiful young girl and charm the men in order to make them fall madly in love with her.

The witch was pleased that her plot for revenge seemed to be going off without a hitch, but then she looked in her driveway and say a terrifyingly large amount of turds.
 The witch panicked because now she knew what she needed to do to keep her plan going. She went back inside her house and took the form of a mouse. Then she moved the cat's body into the garage and used a broomstick to move it to her house.
 Once there, the witch placed the cat's body on top of the toilet and began flushing the water. This caused the cat's corpse to float away and eventually end up on the beach. The witch also moved the head of the HOA into her house so she could continue her revenge plan.

The head of the HOA finally woke up and saw you.
 He was furious and decided to go after you. As he ran through the neighborhood trying to find your house, the witch appeared and told him to stop or she would curse him and his entire family.

The witch attempts to curse the head of the HOA and his family, but something goes wrong:
 instead of turning them into mice, she turns them into cats! The witch panics once again and runs back to her house.
As soon as she gets inside, the witch sees the head of the HOA running towards her house and decides to use her magic to try and scare him away.

But the head of the HOA reveals he has some secret powers of his own:
 he is able to transform himself into a giant monster and devour the witch whole.
When the witch realizes she can't win, she transforms herself into a huge black bird and flies away.
Meanwhile, the head of the HOA follows the witch until he arrives at your house.

The head of the HOA delivers a note that says:

Dear Alex,
You must never tell anyone about the witch or I will come back and haunt you.
Mom and Dad
After reading the letter, Alex becomes very sad and cries.

Alex then looks above the fireplace and notices the giant bird head has transformed into the Witches head.  Alex's father was the head of the HOA the whole time!!!!
Alex feels so bad for the witches family. So, he takes the letter and heads out to the backyard.
While walking through the yard, Alex hears a strange noise coming from the bushes.

It is a talking cat that tells Alex:
 "There is no way you are going to catch me."
He then disappears into the brush.
Alex tries to follow the cat but ends up falling down a hole.
A few minutes later, Alex wakes up in the basement of the witch's house.

Alex falls straight into a cage where a cackling witch tells him, "I can't believe you fell for such an obvious trap!  You and your wretched father will rue the day you messed with me!"

She then puts Alex back in the cage and locks him up.
The witch takes out a bag full of poop and starts laughing maniacally.
Alex is locked up for the rest of the night.

The bag of poop is sitting on a hot stove and there are no windows in this witches den.  The stink rots in your nostrils and you are not to able to sleep.  The witch returns with a cauldron full of
 boiling poop.
"I'm going to cook you up and eat you for dinner tonight," says the witch.
You are still trapped in the cage and the witch begins pouring the hot poop over your head.

You worry that you will never escape this witches den, but all of the sudden your father and head of the HOA burst in and casts a spell on the witch:
 she instantly turns into a giant snake and slithers away.
Your father then lifts you up and carries you out of the room.
You are reunited with your parents and they explain everything that happened to you.

Your father tells you that one day you will become the head of the HOA.  You ask, "Isn't that nepotism?"  And your father laughs.

In the meantime, the witch is telling the head of the HOA:
"That was close! But now you have lost control of the neighborhood and I will take it back."
And the head of the HOA agrees.

The moral of the story:
 Don't mess with the head of the HOA!
* * *
Moral: If you ever meet a head of the HOA, don't let him catch you.
You and your friends decide to go camping at a secluded beach.