You are at Olive Garden with your wife. Feeling adventurous, you decide to order the Chicken Harm. She looks over her menu and says "Oh! I love that one!" You nod approvingly as she orders it for both of you. The waiter comes back and hands out two plates. He asks if there's anything else. You ask for more breadsticks while you wait for your Chicken Harms. As he leaves, you watch him walk away, admiring his ass in those tight pants. It makes a nice contrast to his white shirt and tie. His hair is slicked back perfectly from his face. You look around and notice that not many people are in the Olive Garden. It is Friday night and this is usually when this place is the most busiest. You ask you wife, "Isn't it strange that we are like the only people here?" She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess so." She then tells you about how they have a big party on Saturday nights but she doesn't want to go because she has plans. Then she goes into what those plans are. You listen politely as she talks about how she wants to see some friends and maybe get together with them later. But right now, she is going to meet up with her friend after work and hang out. Your waiter returns with breadsticks and your two orders of Chicken Harm. You are shocked to see that the Chicken Harm looks like: A pile of shit. "Hey honey," you say, pointing to the plate. "What's this? Why does it look like a bunch of crap?" Her eyes grow wide and she starts crying. You yell at the waiter, "What the HELL is this SHIT!?" He just laughs nervously and says, "Sorry sir. We can't change it. That was all we had left." "Well give me another one of these things or I'm calling security." You create a comically large SHIT sword from the pile of shit present to you. You swing it menacingly towards the waiter and threaten to cut off his head. The waiter quickly backs away from you. "Look man, sorry about that. I'll make sure it gets fixed right away." When the waiter returns, he has backup and two large security guards try to subdue you. They hold you down while the waiter picks up your plate of shit and dumps it into a trash can. You are dragged outside by the security guard and thrown into the waiting car. Your wife follows you in tears. You sit in the waiting car and wait. After an hour, the car finally pulls up and the door opens. You hear your wife sobbing behind the glass. You look through the window and see her looking at the garbage can where the chicken harm used to be. You try to prevent your wife from eating a pile of shit that has been thrown away, but the guard begins to drive off. You look at the driver seat and notice it is the handsome waiter. You look at the guard in the rear view mirror and say, "Hey asshole, why'd you throw my wife's food away?" The guard turns around and smiles. "It was the manager. He said that the chicken harm looked like a pile of shit." "Bullshit! That wasn't the manager. That was the waiter!" "Sir, you need to calm down. You're upsetting your wife." You notice you are on a livestream and your wife is watching from the dumpster. She is crying and face first into a plate of chicken harm. You ask the waiter, "Where are you taking me?" The waiter says, "To the restaurant." "No! I mean, where are you taking me? To jail? I know I've done wrong, but I didn't do anything violent. You arrive at a jail facility simply named "The Restaurant". You look into the livestream and say to your wife, "Honey, I want a divorce. I have a crush on the handsome waiter." She nods her head and says, "I knew you would never leave me. I always loved you more than anyone else." Then the livestream cuts to black. --- What do you think of this story? The waiter tells you his name is Jim. You look at him and say, "Jim, you are hot." He blushes and says, "Thank you." You ask, "Do you have any children?" He shakes his head no. Jim brings you into "The Restaurant" and you notice that everyone here is in jail for food related crimes. You ask Jim, "What is my crime? What am I being sent here?" Jim tells you, "Your wife said you threw her food away. "That is correct." "But I don't understand. I thought you were supposed to love her above all others." You lean in for a kiss with Jim. "Yes, I do. But I also love this restaurant. It is a great place to eat and relax. And it is a place where you can take someone special to share your life with." You and Jim get married in jail. After you are released, you decide to open your own restaurant. "I hope you will enjoy our new menu items." And you make the best damn chicken harm ever. * * * Yours, Nate P. Next time on "The Olive Garden of Love": The waitress comes over to your table and asks if you would like some water. "Sure," you say. She walks away and you hear her whisper, "Oh my god. He is so cute.