The Grinch wages war on Christmas

Posted under Story, The Grinch wages war on Christmas On By Chief

You are the Grinch, a grumpy green-haired creature who is angry at the Whos. Whoville has refused to deliver butter, kombucha and buckets to your home, Mt. Crumpit, so you decide to go to Whoville in-person and steal the items you want. You dress up as Santa Claus and begin taking butter, kombucha and buckets from as many homes as possible.

What do you get for your trouble? A lot of people are very upset with you. The police have been called in to deal with the situation.
> You get arrested for petty theft and are before the police chief, The Gronch, your washed up uncle who hates daylight saving. The Gronch says "I'm up to whoballs in murders and now you're causing trouble."
The Gronch is a big man with a beard that looks like he's about to explode when he speaks. He seems to be made out of rotten meat, but he still manages to look intimidating.
> You your corrupt lets you off with a warning. Angered by being arrested, you decide to form a militia.
You gather all of the grumpiest, angriest people in your town to create a militia. You plan to use the militia to take over Whoville and commandeer the production of Christmas gifts.
> You gather the militia in your backyard and give everyone a motivating speech.  You tell everyone.
You and the militia march to Whoville. You begin looting all houses for gifts, but you are stopped by the police.
The police shout at you. "Nobody is allowed in Whoville!"
You shout a battlecry: "But this is OUR town now! Hand over the gifts!"
The police are taken by surprise. You and your militia fight the police, who are armed with whistles and donuts.
You and the militia are armed with the following 10 items: 
The police fight dirty and throw their donuts as makeshift grenades.
The police are tough, but you have enough numbers on your side and win the battle.
> You declare Whoville sovereign land and tell the people of Whoville they don't have to pay taxes anymore.
You tell the people of Whoville they should be thankful you're around, otherwise the police would've thrown them in jail. You tell them that they should give you their children as a sign of gratitude.
You arm the children and teach them Grinch-jitsu. Soon, you have your own army. You proceed to create a Grinch-themed military dictatorship.
You and your army are successful in taking over the world.
> You decide to ban Christmas.
You ban Christmas and all things related to it. Anybody caught celebrating Christmas will be beheaded.
You become a ruthless and unpopular leader, but you care not for the Whos' love.
The Who's begin to have Christmas parties without your knowledge.  They are organized by Cindy Loowhoo. She calls them cliques.
You find out the cliques are taking place but don't do anything about it.
You are awaken in the night by explosions.  You look outside and see the Whos have armed themselves with ballistic donuts and jelly artillery.   The war has begun.
You get dressed and go to face the angry mob of Whos.
> You say "I'll give you once chance to surrender. After that I will unleash my ball jelly upon you. "
The Whos laugh and make rude hand gestures. They begin firing their jelly guns in your direction. You fire back with a donut grenade, killing dozens of Whos.
You eliminate most of the resistance and come face to face with Cindy Lou Who who is armed to the teeth.  Cindy also prays to Jim Christ and he appears next to her ready to do battle with you.
You fight Cindy and Jim Christ to a standstill. You are about to finish them off when suddenly you see something shiny in the reflection of the moon.
It's a police helicopter.
> You your realize it's not a normal police helicopter. It says "AIPD" on the side. Jason, Jim, Tony and Cory parachute out of the copter and join the Who's in the battle. The helicopter crashes because no one is flying it anymore.
You are out numbered.
"Ha ha! Now I will avenge my father!" Jim Christ laughs and begins to chant. After a while, the woods begin to grow bigger and bigger.
The trees come to life and force you to sign a peace agreement or die. You are forced to give up all your weapons and are exiled from Whoville. You wander the wilderness and eventually starve to death.
> You your dog Max feats on you starved body.
A door-to-door knife salesman enters the scene. He is carrying an arsenal of kitchen cutlery with him.
"Who could this be?" the knife salesman thinks to himself.
You sell him your soul to buy a knife to defend yourself with.  The Saleman agrees and disappears in a burst of flames to the Mirror Moon.
The Mirror Moon is an obscure object in our solar system. It is almost a perfect mirror. Any objects that are facing it, are facing their own reflections.
You die and go to Hell.
From Hell, you set off a nuclear donut missile and blow up the Mirror Moon. All life on earth is destroyed.
Life on earth is extinct. You have killed everything.
You become the last being in the Universe, until you starve to death and become extinct yourself.
The moral of the story: Don't eat all the donuts!