The next morning, I woke to the sound of a door opening and closed. My room was dark but for one shaft of light that slanted through my window onto the bedside table. The faint glow revealed no sign of anyone in my bedroom besides me.
In fact, it appeared that this house had been entirely vacated overnight. Even so, I felt like someone was watching me from behind as I rose out of bed. As soon as my eyes opened fully, however, there were only two things on my mind: Sara's letter and what she'd said about
the man who supposedly killed her parents.
I slipped into my pants, grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head before making my way downstairs. It wasn't until I stepped outside that I realized how much time must have passed while I slept.
The world was barren wasteland! I must have slept for a thousand years...
Or maybe just three days? Either way, the sight of everything being covered by snow made me feel disoriented and somewhat nauseous. Everything looked like an alien landscape painted in shades of gray. Trees loomed above the ground with their branches all pointing down at once;
not unlike those trees you see in fairy tales where they are used to torture people. A few animals wandered around here and there, too—wolves, bears, foxes, wolves again. One wolf in particular stood tall among them.
You tell the Wolf, "There's a lot of turds in my pants. Who put them in my pants?"
He says, "My name is Bill." You say, "What do you want me to do about it?" And he says, "Just give me your pants." So you take off your pants and hand them to him.
Bill tells you that your pants are special.
They're magical. If you eat or drink anything from your pants, it will make you grow taller. That night, when you get home, you notice something weird. Your pants are getting shorter.
Actually you are getting taller! It must have been that wine cooler you drank out of your pants!
You don't know why, but now your pants are shrinking and growing smaller every day. Soon they'll be gone altogether! What are you going to do?
"Hello?" I called out as loud as possible.
You realize that you cannot stop growing. You are about 12 feet now and you need to seek medical attention immediately.
Will your family accept you if you keep growing? Can you even fit inside the house anymore?
After some time, I spotted the Wolf standing in front of his cabin. His back was turned toward me.
You ask Bill the Wolf, "How do I stop this? How can I return to normal size?"
And Bill says, "Go to sleep." But you don't know how.
So you go to bed and close your eyes. You try to fall asleep, but nothing works. After a couple hours, you finally drift off into a dreamless sleep.
When you wake up, you look around. Everything is still covered in snow. It's like the sun never came up.
You walk over to the Wolf and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around and smiles at you.
"Morning," he says. "I see you survived."
You respond, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I've got some explaining to do. I think I may have eaten my pants last night."
Bill the Wolf tells you that is exactly what happened last night. Bill also tells you that while you were in a daze, you also
ate his daughter's heart.
"Oh!" you exclaim. "Well, I guess I should apologize then."
You turn to face the Wolf and bow your head low.
"I'm sorry," you say.
Bill the Wolf laughs and says
, "Don't worry about it. I forgive you."
Then you hear a voice call out, "Hey! Hey! Look at this!"
It was Sara. She was walking toward you from the other side of the cabin.
You are shocked! How is Sara still alive after you ate her heart?
Sara approaches you and asks, "Did you find any clothes for me yet?"
You tell her, "No. Sorry."
She says, "That's okay. I'll just have to go naked."
You turn to Bill the Wolf and ask, "How is this possible, does she have a replacement heart?"
He explains, "Yes. She has a new heart. I found it in a box underneath the bed. It's very well-made, too."
"And you gave it to her?"
You explain to
ill, "I feel like I could eat more Hearts. do you have any more daughters, so I can eat their Delicious Hearts?"
Bill the Wolf laughs and says, "No. I only have one daughter left. She's upstairs."
You follow Bill up the stairs. As you climb, you begin to hear moans coming from a bedroom.
You open the bedroom to see Bill's last daughter
lying on the bed. Her body is covered in cuts and bruises.
"Mommy!" she cries. "Daddy! Help me!"
You enter the room and ask, "Are you okay?"
Bill holds you back. "Stay your distance, she's possessed by the devil!"
You say, "Possessed? By who?"
"By the Devil himself!" Bill shouts. "Now stay away from her!"
But you cannot resist. You reach out and grab hold of her hand.
The possessed girl rips you closer and begins to chew on your neck.
You scream in pain and fall to the floor.
You watch helplessly as the demon devours your flesh.
When you regain consciousness, you are lying on the ground with no idea how long you were unconscious.
You notice a large scar on your chest and you suspect that Bill has allowed his demonic daughter to eat your heart as revenge. Bill nods and says, "Yup, that's EXACTLY what happen
You ask, "Why did you do this?"
"Because I am the Devil!" he bellows.
You say, "You are the Devil? Why would you let your own daughter eat your heart?"
Bill says, "I didn't want her to eat my heart. That's why I put it in a box under the bed. I wanted to give it to someone else. Someone better than her.
Next time on "The Exorcist MD":
Bill the Wolf decides to kill his daughter instead.
See you next week.
* * *
"I Am The Devil!"
My name is Dr. Jacob McAllister.