Terrance Whitmore, human resources for Umbrella Corporation

Posted under Episode 76, Story On By Chief

You have an important investment meeting with Juggalo Bill Clinton. You have a new product you'd like to have him invest in: NANOMACHINES.

"I want to introduce you to my partner, John. He's the most innovative man on this Earth!" "John?" "Yes! The world needs more innovation! I'm going to show you something that will revolutionize medicine and make everyone healthier! It's called Nanobots!" You walk into a conference room filled with men wearing white coats.

You u go on joe rogan and be cool and tell him about it but hes all like lol u dumb.

Then he goes on about how its too early to talk about such things and he should just get back to his boring job.

You Beat up Joe Rogan, MMA style.

"What?! How could you do this to me?!" you scream at the top of your lungs. "It was necessary". "NO IT WASN'T NECESSARY! YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE THE MOST INTELLIGENT MAN ON EARTH AND THEN YOU TOLD ME TO GET BACK TO MY JOB!"

You but turns out joe is a punk and 3 feet tall.

Afterwards you decide to take the company over by force because you think its time to start taking control of your own life again.

take over the company, but that night on the news instead of a press release stating your new position, you see that Umbrella Corporation has been implicated in a huge scandal involving reanimated corpses.

The next day you wake up in a cold sweat at 5 AM. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize you're not even young anymore. You're old! You can't believe you ever thought you were gonna live forever when you were little. At first you don't know what to do so you call your brother Mark who lives in Florida.

You a reanimated corpse goes to the bathroom u see it take a dump it smells brother mark is like ok dude eat a pizza and listen to the allman brothers.

Then you remember you forgot to pack some weed. And then you hear a knock on the door. "Who is it?" "Its me brotha". "Well come on in". He opens the door and there stands a very big guy dressed in black suit and tie. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

It's the Feds, the want to take you in for questioning.

> You say "Fuck them". "No, they ain't got shit on me. They better let me go or else I'll expose their dirty laundry". "So you're saying you've never seen a dead body before? What makes you think we won't find any decomposing bodies in your house?" You shake your head.

You u punch them in face and pee in their butt.

"You guys are just trying to scare us off". They let you go. A week later you get another visit from the feds. This one comes armed with a search warrant. "We need you to open up the safe where we found your brother's wallet and phone. We're also looking for those nanobots you mentioned earlier".

You give them your prototype nanobots that self destruct once injected. You tell the officer "here you go" and smile.

"Thanks". A month passes and you still haven't heard anything from the FBI. A year passes...

You find out the entire FBI has self-destructed. You celebrate by going to Party City to buy clown makeup.

One day you arrive home from Party City and there's a note pinned to the door. It says "Hello, I am John Doe and I am the President of Umbrella Corporation". A few days later you receive a letter from John Doe. He writes "Dear Brother Ryan, I hope everything turned out well. I would like to apologize for my actions".

You u say its cool but u look dumb with funny hair.

A year later you receive a package from John Doe. Inside are two dead mice and a note. "Brother Ryan, I have finally completed my research and created a cure for cancer. I have named it 'Nanobots'. Please help me spread the word". Your dad calls you and tells you there's a new drug called Nanobots.

You Get a giant Muppet Babies tattoo across your back.


You your favorite muppet baby is piggy but u act like gonzo and get a gun and go around pistol whipping sharks.

Your tattoo starts to heal, but it activates the nanobots and turns you into a giant monster named Mr X.

Then your brother shoots Mr X with a shotgun and kills you. But wait...there's more! You discover a secret entrance to a cave system. In the caves you find an underground city inhabited by humans who worship a god known as "The One Above All". The One Above All gives you power and allows you to transform into a giant beast known as "Mr. X".

You find "the one above all" deep inside the cave system. You activate your nanobots and challenge "the one above all" in a fight to the death. The winner takes the universe.

You win. And now you are free! But it isn't long after this victory that trouble arises. The world is threatened by a virus called "The Virus Of Destruction" which causes people to turn into monsters. The only thing standing between humanity and destruction is a group of super soldiers led by General Ripper (a reference to George Romero).

You promise to come up with a vaccine for the virus in 12 months, but it takes you four years.

Meanwhile, the virus spreads throughout the globe. Humanity is no more. In the meantime, the government decides to put down the virus by using genetically modified soldiers called "Zombiemen". The Zombiemen have superhuman abilities such as enhanced strength and speed. They are controlled by a computer program known as "Mister X".

The government uses magnets and erases the program for good.

But Mister X escapes and sets his sights on Earth. He begins a war against mankind.