surewhynot000: You are Jack Jacked, a massively muscular farmer. While working in the fields one day, you are abducted by a flying saucer.
ai: The extraterrestrials, known as The Ugly People, believe that the Earth is being threatened by a race of giant insects called the "Hyrids," who are in fact men in costume, and think that by training you in their craft, you can help them stop the invasion.
Jack, your intrepid Earth-saving intergalactic pilot, then takes you back to their home planet, which is actually an enormous cave-like structure inhabited by up to a million of The
surewhynot000: You say a redneck one-liner and criticize the alien's farming techniques.
ai: Jack asks if you are ready to fight the Hyrids.
We are too late. The Hyrids have already conquered the planet. A Hyrid warrior asks if you have any last words. You look at Jack and say, "You gotta be kiddin' me, man!"
"Wait, how could you be too late? We were supposed to return on Sunday. It's Thursday."
"Yeah, that's how all vacations are."
With that, the
eurevikz: Jack dies and his GIGACHAD brother Thomas goes on a rampage
ai: , but is eventually defeated by "Laughing Ben," a Hyrid warrior that is clearly suffering from chronic indigestion. The Hyrids then continue their conquest of the galaxy.
Your soul is carried up to Heaven, where you discover that all the other people in Heaven have been forced to spend eternity worshipping The Three Stooges.
You scream, and are then crushed by the weight of The Three Stooges' ego.
Jack dies in an explosion as
aipd: You team up with God to defeat The Three Stooges.
ai: Thomas comes to the edge of Heaven and asks why you have not come to help him.
"I have, but you keep shooting at me with your cannons, and I get kind of annoyed when people shoot at me."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
With that, Thomas turns around and shoots you with his cannons, and you are both flung into the fiery pit of Hell. The End.
You get murdered by a murderous three-legged cow.
God asks if you