Stuffs McEnzy, a professional surfer living in Hawaii

Posted under Episode 139, Story On By Chief

You Your dream is surf a tsunami wave. A friend calls you on the phone to tell you there is a medium sized earthquake happening in the ocean and the tsunami wave is due shortly. You put on your board shorts and grab your board. You are about to leave for the beach, when you girlfriend says to you...

"We should go see what's going on". You: "What do you mean?" Her: "Well we could call our friends who live in Honolulu and find out what's going on". You: "Are they gonna be able to get here before it hits us? I don't want to miss this!"

You send a group text to your friends, telling them to put on their board shorts and grab their surfboards and join you, then you and your girlfriend head to the beach.

> The Earthquake You're not sure how long you'll be at the beach, but as soon as the waves start coming in, you know it's only going to get worse. You look around for something to protect yourself with, but nothing seems to work. Then it occurs to you that if you keep surfing, you might just reach land before the wave hits you.

You look over as you are surfing and realize your girlfriend forgot to put on her board shorts. You start to panic.

> You try to paddle away from the shoreline You quickly turn back towards the shoreline and begin paddling towards it. It takes all of your strength and will power to stay afloat, but you manage to make it to the shoreline. There are other people at the beach now, some of whom have already been washed off their feet by the approaching tsunami.

You catch the tsunami wave just right. You ride that perfect pipeline barrel wave for what feels like miles. You are in so much ecstasy that you don't even notice hundreds of people drowning around you.

Then you feel the ground beneath you. You can hear the screams of those trapped underfoot. You swim to safety, but it isn't enough. Thousands more drown as the tsunami continues its deadly march towards the island. Aftermath The tsunami has killed thousands of people and destroyed most of the islands in the Pacific Ocean.

You hear a media report that everyone who was wearing board shorts didn't drown.

They were simply swept away by the tide. The next day the news reports that the entire island of Oahu has been declared uninhabitable. The world mourns the loss of life and property caused by the massive earthquake and tsunami that occurred on December 26th, 2011.

You attend city council meetings and petition to make board shorts mandatory for all Hawaii citizens.

You are elected to the Honolulu board of shorts.

You go back to your house and cannot find your girlfriend anywhere.

She left without saying goodbye. She must've gone home to tell her parents she would be late. A few days later, you receive an email from her. Hi Stuffs, I'm sorry I couldn't come tonight. I had a really bad experience last night and I got scared. I hope everything works itself out for you though!

You email your girlfriend back and ask her to tell you about her bad experience. You include a board shorts emoticon in the email.

A few weeks pass and you both decide to meet up. You arrive at her place and she tells you she doesn't think you need to wear board shorts anymore. She also tells you she thinks you should run for mayor because you'd be better equipped to handle the situation than any politician. You agree to her plan. The following month, you become Mayor of Honolulu.

You Your first act as mayor is to order the construction of a monument that lists the name of all the people lost in the tragedy. The monument will look like a giant pair of board shorts.

The monument is dedicated on June 20th, 2012. It is said that if you continue running for mayor, you may very well save the world from total destruction.

A world ending Tsunami approaches the island, you hop in the giant board shorts monument, which is a functional pair of board shorts by design. You saved the world.

Your time as mayor of Honolulu comes to an end when you are assassinated by your political rival. He uses a bomb he found in your office. You wake up in a hospital bed. You aren't dead yet, but you certainly weren't alive during the event that caused your death.