Sniffy Truman, a car wash employee that dries cars and has a lifelong love of drying things

Posted under Episode 143, Story On By Chief

You A woman rushes into the car wash and asks you to dry out a piece of paper for her. There is something written on the paper….

Something about a man who lives in the sky. And that he has a big gun. The woman looks like she's going to cry, but then she smiles and says that it was just a joke. She goes over to a table full of buttons and pulls one out and hands it to you. It's a button that says "I love you" on it.

You tell her "Don't cry. I will dry your tears.".

Then you notice something else. Something white… "What is this? What is this?!" you ask. The woman points to a little box with a red lid. Inside the box is a dead rat. "This can only mean one thing". You say. You open the box and reveal a small crystal ball.

You stare into the crystal ball and see...

a man dressed in a black suit with a long white beard standing there. He holds up his hand as if to stop you from seeing anything more.

You notice he has some wet food stuff stuck in his beard and eagerly dry his beard.

He tells you that he is here to help you. He wants you to go back home where you belong. You agree to what he said and leave him alone.

You change your mind and decide to bother him. You reach into the crystal ball and pin the "I Love You" button on his suit jacket.

> You try to get the crystal ball off of him The man turns around and sees you trying to grab the crystal ball off of him. You pull it away from him and throw it against the wall. He grabs it and takes it from you. "It's not yours anymore!" he shouts. "No, it isn't! Now let me go!"

The man who steals the crystal ball from your traps you inside first. You see the man with the white beard who shakes his head and says, "Well shit!"

Then he walks off leaving you trapped in this room. You hear the door opening and closing outside. You turn around and see the man who stole the crystal ball from you walking towards you. He opens his mouth wide and lets out a loud fart. The smell fills your entire body. It smells horrible. You feel sick. You look behind you and see him walking past you again.

You dry out the man until he is nothing but a withered husk. He tries to fart but all that comes out is dust.

Then he leaves.

You decide to escape from the crystal ball by drying everything in sight!

> You escape from the Crystal Ball You dry everything in sight so they don't smell bad. Then you run through the woods and hide under a tree for the night. You think about how you could make a new life somewhere else. But you know you'll never be able to forget about this place.

You regret your decision and decide to find the bearded man and beg him to put you back into the crystal ball.

You walk along the road looking for the bearded man. Eventually you spot him sitting in a chair near a fire. He doesn't seem to care about you. You approach the bearded man and sit down next to him. "Are you the bearded man?" you ask. "Yeah," he replies. "Can I borrow your crystal ball?"

The bearded man tells you that drying is your destiny, and you cannot run from it. He orders you to turn America into a desert.

You do as he says. Suddenly the ground starts to shake. You realize that the earth is being torn apart. You scream and run away from the bearded man. As soon as you disappear into the trees, the earth begins to move again. This time you see a bright light coming from above. You run toward the light hoping that it will save you.

A massive fart erupts from the earth's surface.

You watch as the sun explodes into pieces. You fall unconscious and dream about your life before you were trapped in the crystal ball.

You wake up in a cave. It's hot, but it's a dry heat. The woman from the car wash is standing over you, smiling. She tells you...

"We're in the middle of nowhere now, so why don't you come with us? We're headed to a new town called 'New Salem'. It's a nice name, but we should call it 'Happiness City'". You laugh and nod your head. "Sounds good to me".. She leads you deeper into the mountains.