Slinky Joins a Hospital Gang

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Slinky Noodle and you hate your job at Target.
 You have a huge crush on the cashier, who is always kind to everyone but you. Your parents bought you this new outfit for Christmas that they said would help with your sales pitch. It's pink, purple and green polka dots, which supposedly make it easier to find in the dark of night

You put on the polka dot outfit and finally work up the courage to ask out the cashier girl.
 She smiles at you sweetly and says "Hi!" Her name is Samantha. Sammi, she calls herself. She has short brown hair and freckles all over her face. You feel like you're going to melt into a puddle when she looks at you.

You take Sammi to your favorite restaurant:
 Burger King. As soon as you sit down, she starts talking about how great it is that she got to go home early because her parents had company. You nod along, but really you just want to hear more about what she thinks of you.

Curious, you ask Sammi why she has been mean to you ever since you started at Target.
 She laughs and tells you that she doesn't know what you're talking about. But then she goes on to explain that you look so dumb sometimes that it makes her laugh. She says that if someone else was doing your job, they'd be fired in no time flat.

You blurt out, "Sammi, I love you!"

She gives you a funny look and asks what you meant by that. She says that she loves you too, but only as a friend. You say that you don't care, because she's beautiful and smart and funny and cute.

You excuse yourself and run to the bathroom to cry.  You are so hurt that Sammi just wants to be friends, but with time you get over it.
 You can still see her from time to time, although she seems to avoid you. Maybe she's embarrassed. Or maybe she just doesn't like being seen in public with you. Whatever the reason, you think that Sammi will come around eventually.

You notice cool dude in leather jacket with face tattoos walk into the Target.  That must be Sammi's new boyfriend.  You walk up and try to introduce yourself to him.
 He turns his head away and walks off without saying anything.
"Hey! Hey! Come back here!" You shout at the top of your lungs.
The tattooed guy stops walking and looks at you.

That tattooed guy pulls out a small switchblade and stabs you in the side.  It doesn't go deep, but it sure hurts.
 You fall to your knees crying. The tattooed guy kicks you hard in the stomach. Then he runs out of the store.
Your mom comes rushing over and holds you in her arms. She asks you what happened.

You say to yourself, "maybe if I get tattoos and join a gang. than Sammi will be my girlfriend!"

But your mother doesn't buy it. She takes you straight to the hospital. You spend two days there getting treated for a punctured lung and internal bleeding. You have tubes in your nose and mouth, and you can barely breathe.

You lay in bed and wonder how you are going to join a gang in the condition you are in, but then you notice this hospital is run by a gang of injured people.  You meet with the head of the gang and ask to join.  His name is Solo and he is a one armed man and he tells you anyone can join if they pass the initiation.  Solo tells you the initiation is easy, you just have to:

1. Get beat up.
2. Run away.
3. Come back.
He explains that once you've done those three things, you'll be a member of the gang.

You find an elderly woman and taunt her into beating you up.  You choose her because she looks weak, however she was actually a former body builder and she kicks your ass.

You decide to run away because you are afraid of getting beaten up again.  You hide out in the woods until you hear the sound of helicopters. They are looking for you, but luckily for you, they leave.

You return to Solo late at night and tell him you have passed the initiation.
 He congratulates you and invites you to dinner. You accept, but you don't know where to go or what to do.
Solo says, "I'm taking you to the best restaurant in town."

Solo takes you to
 the local steakhouse. He orders for you and sits across from you. You ask him why he invited you to dinner.
Solo says, "It's simple. I'm your mentor.

Solo teaches you everything he knows about being the leader of an injured patient hospital gang:

* How to use your knife to intimidate others.
* How to pick up girls.
* How to cook.
* How to fight.
Solo also teaches you how to control the patients in the hospital, and how to make money.

In no time at all you quickly rise through the ranks of the gang and become Solo's right hand man.
 You live in a large house in the suburbs with a pool, a hot tub, and even your own car.
You and Sammi still hang out occasionally, although she avoids you as much as possible.

You level up and gain the follow gang related skills:

Bully - Allows you to use your knife to attack an enemy without causing damage.
Assault - Increases the chance of inflicting critical wounds on enemies.
Convince - Makes it easier to talk people into doing what you want them to do.

You use you new gang influence and skills to ask Sammi on another date, but this time romantically.

She agrees and you take her to a fancy restaurant.
You ask Sammi to marry you.
Sammi says, "Yes."
You give Sammi a ring.
Then you propose to her in front of the entire restaurant.

You notice that you are being stalked by her tattooed face ex.  You put out a hit on the tattoo face man.

You kill him and steal his car.
You drive away and are happy to see Sammi in the passenger seat of your stolen car.
You turn onto a dark road and speed up.

You are going 130 miles per hour on a dirt road.  You start to lose control.
  Your car spins and rolls down a hill.
You crash and burn.
Your car explodes.
You wake up in a hospital bed.
You look around and see Sammi standing next to your bed.

Sammi notices that your hospital room is way more lavish than usual.  You explain to her that is one of the perks of being in a hospital gang.

Sammi says, "Hey, so how did you end up in the hospital?"
You tell her that you were mugged outside of a bar.
Sammi says, "Wow.

A nurse enters the room and explains that you and Sammi have been in a come for the past 12 years.

The nurse says, "We've never seen a recovery like yours before.
You and Sammi are the only two gang members who have ever recovered from a coma after the age of 16.

You turn to Sammi and vow to make up for the 12 years of living that they have missed out on.  You plan a vacation for your favorite place in the world:
 Las Vegas.
As you sit there, reading the paper, you think to yourself, "Now that would be a great story for my blog..."
—
"So," I said, looking up from the computer screen.

Next time on "Hospital Gang Wars":

* The gang has to decide whether or not to sell drugs.
* A gang member gets caught stealing from the hospital storeroom.
* You get to spend Valentine's Day with Sammi.