Shelly Compton – You are Shelly Compton, an experimental dancer.

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Shelly Compton, an experimental dancer. You have just invented The Macarena 2.0, which is a more complex variation of the original and far more popular dance. As you've done with so many other dances, you would like to patent this new version of The Macarena and make it your own. The patent office demand you demonstrate the dance before they award you the patent and you oblige.
"Ok," you say, "I'll show you how I do my Macarena."
You begin to step and move to the music of the song. After several attempts to master the moves, you eventually manage to sync with the beat and rhythm of the song.
You sing the lyrics to the new version of the Macarena:
Do you want to take a trip? (you shake your head no)
Then come along and fly away (your heart leaps)
Let's go! Let's go!
The patent board asks you to describe your movements in detail. You start by telling them the basics - you point one foot out in front of you while you raise the other foot to hip level, then swing it behind you like you're shaking a leg. Then you turn, twist, and spin in a circle until the music stops.
The next step is to add some of your own moves to the dance, such as grabbing your toes or swinging your arms. But what kind of moves will make the dance even more impressive?
After pondering this for a while, you come up with a few ideas:
Raise both hands above your head, then bend down and grab your ankles while singing "Aaaaahhh" (a la the musical chair song from your childhood)
Pretend to pick your nose
Wiggle your tongue like a snake
Touch your fingers to your nose and pretend to sniff them
Make a popping sound with your mouth when you clap
You finish the dance with a flourish by flailing your arms around wildly, kicking your legs up into the air, and singing the final verse:
Let's go!
The patent board is silent and the head of the board stands up to bluntly say, "You cannot patent a dance that is mostly improv.  Application denied!"
The other board members are clearly annoyed by your lack of precision in choreographing a routine that they find not only impossible to follow, but also completely meaningless. Even though you were able to give an accurate description of the dance, no one can replicate what you've described.
You go home dejected and work on simplifying your dance. You then try it again and it seems to be coming together well - you're sure this version is closer to the original dance than your last attempt.
The patent board asks you to demonstrate your new dance in detail and you oblige.
You perfectly recreate the original Macarena dance, but at the end you add double middle fingers towards the board.
The board asks you to describe the meaning behind this gesture. You explain that the Macarena is the most popular dance because everyone knows how to do it. Yet you and your fellow dancers are tired of being asked to perform the dance.
You say as a trained dancer it is the ultimate insult to be asked to do the Macarena. As such, you have created the perfect dance, the one people will never expect to be asked to perform. And if someone does ask you to perform it, you can just tell them, "Hey! I'm sick of doing that dance and you should be too!"
The board members are amused. They love your idea and ask for you to patent it immediately so that they may make millions off of it.
You call this un-dance the "Mock-carena" and become famous on Tik Tok.
The patent office congratulates you, granting you a patent on the 'Mock-Carena' dance.
Your Macarena was performed for the board of patent examiners, and you've finally done it: you have come up with a new variation of The Macarena.