RPAN #3 – Story 2 – The Fart Heard Round the World – You are Will Chonkla and you love throwing sandals at bad children

Posted under Episode 3, Story On By Chief

You are Will Chonkla and 
you love throwing sandles at bad children.

But the day will come when your sandle-throwing days are over. And then you die.
Your death comes suddenly, unexpectedly. You have no warning. One moment you are playing in the surf with some of your friends.

And then suddenly a huge shark *
swoops* out of nowhere and swallows up all your friends.
You watch in horror as it eats them one by one. But something is wrong. The great white *chomps* down on your friend's head.

> You try to swim to shore.

But the great white *smacks* you away with its tail.
The water roils around you. You can't see anything but bubbles and blood. Your last thought before you die? That you should have taken better care of yourself.

> You yell, "Somebody throw me a sandal!" and someone from the shore tosses there sandal.

And then you die.
You don't know what happens next. There is nothing left except for a few bloody scraps of flesh floating in the ocean. And that's about all.
No sign of any sharks.

> You are reincarnated as a sentient sandal.

And now you live on the beach.
Every day you go into the sea to find more sandals to throw at bad children.
You spend your time playing in the surf with your friends.

> You are careful to never enter the water because you have PTSD from the great white shark.  You develop a plan to get revenge on the shark, first
 by making an artificial predator to hunt it down.
But the day will come when your sandle-throwing days are over. And then you die.
Your death comes suddenly, unexpectedly.

> You are reincarnated again, but this time as a killer whale with a harpoon launcher and missiles.  You go on the hunt to find the great white shark that killed you and your friends.

You are successful.
You find the great white in the middle of the ocean. It has been feeding on seals and other whales.
You approach cautiously.
The great white turns to face you.

> You shoot are harpoon straight into it's eyes.

It screams in pain.
"You cannot hurt me!" it cries.
But you're not afraid.
You keep shooting until the great white falls dead.
You feel satisfied.
But you also feel guilty.
 Because you didn't save your friends.
They were eaten alive by the great white shark.
You can't bring yourself to kill another creature just so you can satisfy your own desire for revenge.

> You spend the rest of your killer whale life researching time travel.

You've always wondered how it works.
You want to know what makes the universe tick.
You wonder if you could go back in time and change things.
Would you tell Hitler to drop his bombs on Dresden or would you warn Stalin to be careful about invading Finland?

> You finally have a breakthrough and invent a time machine, however there is one catch:
 you need to make sure that nobody else ever uses it.
You build a time machine using a big old ship and a large amount of plutonium.
But you're careful. You lock the door and put a key under the seat of the time machine.

> You go back in time to the year:
You arrive in New York City, where you meet Abraham Lincoln.
He looks very tired. He's worried about his son Willie who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis.
Lincoln invites you to stay at his home in Springfield, Illinois.

> You want test the butterfly effect and you burn Lincoln's house down.

You return to the past and set fire to the house.
The fire spreads quickly through the city.
You wait patiently outside Lincoln's house for the fire to reach him.
But the fire doesn't spread far enough to reach him.

> You ​You want to test the butterfly effect so you fart loudly.

You hold your breath and let rip with a loud fart.
The wind carries the fart towards the burning house.
The house catches fire and you watch in horror as it burns to the ground.

> You return to the present and observe how the future has changed:
 the world is now free of war.
You celebrate by drinking a glass of champagne.
You walk through the streets of New York City.
There are no more wars.
You can't help feeling a little bit sad.

You are alone.
You spend your days wandering the city, searching for sandals to throw at bad children.
You play in the surf with your friends.
And sometimes you find a lonely stray dog.