RPAN #2 – Story 1 – ​You are a guy who is at a job interview, but you don’t know what the job is.

Posted under Episode 2, Story On By Chief

​You are a guy who is at a job interview, but you don't know what the job is.
 You get to the office and they tell you to wait in the lobby. The receptionist tells you that she'll let your prospective employer know you're here. After about fifteen minutes, a woman comes out of an inner office and walks down the hall towards you.
 She's wearing a skirt suit with a white blouse and has her hair up in a bun. Her shoes are very high-heeled and make her legs look long and lean. As she gets closer, you notice that her makeup is subtle, but nice, and she smells like perfume.

You ask the woman, "why the long face? said the horse."

"I've just had my first day on the job," says the woman.
"That's too bad," you say.
"It was actually kind of fun. I got to sit behind a desk all morning and do paperwork.

You ask the woman, "So... what is the job exactly?"

The woman looks at you for a moment before answering. "Well, I'm not sure yet," she says. "They haven't told me anything about it yet."
You smile at the woman and ask, "But what did you do during your first day?"

The woman smiles back and shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I can tell you if you promise to keep it secret."
"Of course!" you say. "I won't tell anyone."

The woman takes a seat next to you and asks, "What's your name?"
"Mark," you answer.
"Well Mark, how much do you know about our company?"
"Not much," you admit.
 "I'm really just here for an interview. I heard they were hiring someone new, but I didn't know who."
"We're a small company, but we have a big reputation," says the woman.

You look at a poster with what the company does listed out:
 "we provide complete protection solutions for individuals, families, and businesses."
"Complete protection?" you ask.
"Yes," answers the woman. "We protect people from everything. We give them total security against any kind of danger."

You ask to clarify, "Any kind of danger? Like volcanos, too?"

The woman laughs and shakes her head. "No, not like volcanos. But we also offer other kinds of protection as well."
"Like what?" you ask.
"Well, we have different packages depending on the client's needs.

You ask, "What perks do you offer?"

The woman leans in close to you and whispers, "all the sex you want."
"Sex?" you ask.
The woman smiles and nods her head. "Sure. That's one of the things we offer.

You ask the woman, "Who’s going to win the 3:15 at Cheltenham?"

The woman scrunches up her nose and says, "that's the race where he fell off his horse. I think it's a no-brainer. He was never that good anyway."

You accept and begin working at the company.  You realize you forgot to ask what the name of the company is.  You look at the letterhead and see the company is called:
 "Fancy Pants Security Solutions."
After several weeks, you're starting to feel comfortable with your new job. It's pretty easy work, mostly sitting at a computer and doing some typing. You like being able to come into work every day and know you'll be getting paid.

You meet Susan at the water cooler and ask, "What should I buy my wife for Christmas?"

Susan smiles and says, "How about a gun?"
You laugh and shake your head. "I thought you'd suggest something else."
"A man doesn't need a gun," says Susan.

You are not sure, but you follow Susan's advice and buy your wife a gun.  You buy the Christmas gun special at your local army surplus store:
 "buy one get one free".
You show your wife the gun and she seems impressed. She points out the safety and the trigger and explains how to use it.
"Why would I need this?"

You just say, "Protection." and begin to take your clothes off.

You have been watching the news reports about the economy and how many jobs are being lost. Your boss has noticed you seem distracted and asks you, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," you say.

You notice Magnum PI is coming back to television.
 You watch the previews for the show and decide you want to be a private investigator.
One night, while you're lying in bed reading, your phone rings. You pick it up and hear a familiar voice.

"Hello?" you say.
"Hey there! It's me, Missus Martini," says the voice.
"Oh, hey," you say. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," she says.
 "I'm calling because I wanted to let you know that you have a package coming today."
"Package?" you ask.
"Yeah, a package," she says. "From Fancy Pants Security Solutions.

You hang up the phone and wait by the door for your package. You realize the package is actually Missus Martini herself.
 You open the door and invite her inside.
She walks in and sits down on the couch. You sit down beside her and start talking.
"So," you say, "how long have you worked for the company?"

"It's been two years now," she says. "I started out as a receptionist, but I got promoted to a detective."
"What kind of cases do you investigate?"
"Mostly corporate espionage," she says.

You begin to sweat as you have been secretly embezzling money from the company.

"So you've never had to solve a murder case?" you ask.
"Of course not," she says. "That would be illegal."
You are relieved, but still nervous.

You sneak around and look for your gun.
 You find it in the bedroom closet and put it under your pillow.
"You know," she says, "if you're going to be a private eye, you might want to get rid of that gun.

It's a stand off, you and Missus Martini both stand in your bedroom with your guns drawn.

"You know, if you're going to be a private eye, you might want to get rid of that gun.
It's a stand off, you and Missus Martini both stand in your bedroom with your guns drawn.

Hours pass until eventually your wife arrives home.
 You're waiting in the living room, hoping she doesn't see you.
"Hello, dear," she says.
You jump up and hug her tightly. "Hi!" you say.
"What are you two doing?"
 she asks.
"Nothing," you say. "Just getting ready for our date tonight."
"Date?" she asks.
"Yeah, we're going to go out for dinner," you say.

You put your guns down and have a nice Christmas dinner with your wife and Missus Martini.
 Afterwards, you all go to bed.
You wake up the next morning and find yourself alone in the house. You run downstairs and see your wife and Missus Martini having breakfast together.
"Good morning," they say.