You are a space captain flying a transport vessel full of precious cargo worth trillions of space bucks. You stop a seedy space station to refuel. The space station is run by a gangster who has just been paid off by the rival gang, and he decides that you have made an excellent target for his revenge. He attacks with gunships and boarding parties, and they capture your ship and your crew in short order. You ask the gangster for his name and he tells you, " My name is Captain Geech." This gives you pause, as it sounds like something out of a bad B-movie, but he insists that it's really his name. You're taken prisoner on board his ship, which looks like a decommissioned freighter, and put in one of the cell blocks . As you're being led down the corridor to your new accommodations, you see that the corridors are lined with cells. Each cell contains a man or woman chained to the wall. They all look beaten up, and some of them are unconscious. It's not clear what they've done to deserve this treatment. The guards lead you into one of the cells and open the door. Inside, there's a bed, a table, and a chair. They toss you inside and lock the door. You sit there stunned at the day's turn of events. Then you hear a voice calling for you. "Captain? Is that you?" You stand up and walk over to the bars. In the dim light from the hall, you can barely make out the face of a young woman sitting on the bunk. You whisper back, "Captain Janeway?" She nods. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner. They were using sonic stunners to keep me awake." "What happened to you?" "They took us aboard a space station called The Golden Horde. They brought us here and told us we'd be auctioned off as slaves if we didn't pay a ransom." "So why did you escape?" "Because they also said that they would kill my whole family if I didn't. That was the only thing keeping me going. So when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. Now I need to get out of here." "How do you plan to manage that?" "I'll figure something out. You look around the cell for a way to escape and notice a loose br ic k that has a note that says: "Bars are held together by rivets. Pull the breakers and the bars will fall away." "Do you know how to use those things?" she asks. "No," you say. You attempt to do as the note says, and it works! You escape your cell, but are immediately seen by a prison guard. You give chase and run as fast as you can through the labyrinth of prison cells. All of the other prisoners are hooting and hollering seeing you give the guard the runaround. Eventually, you catch him and beat him into submission. "What do you want?" he asks. "Take me to the command center so I can contact the outside world." He takes you to the bridge of the ship, where you find the captain, who has been watching you. She's wearing a red leather outfit, complete with high boots, gloves, and a hat. She looks like a cross between a pirate and a dominatrix. "So you're the one causing all the trouble," she says, taking off her hat and giving you a wry smile. You know who this and you can believe it is the Great Pirate Queen , Blackbeard. "Yes, ma'am," you answer. "Well, now that you've gotten yourself captured, you might as well join my crew." "But...I don't know anything about ships or pirates." "Don't worry, you won't have to learn. Just follow me and do what I tell you." She leads you to the bridge and you see a bunch of screens showing different views of the space station. There are a dozen or more people working the controls. "What's all this?" you ask. "This is our base of operations. We call it The House of Bees. It's a hive ship, a mobile fortress that can go anywhere we want. We can take on any ship, no matter how many cannons they have. Our weapons are much stronger than normal ships'." "That's amazing!" "We're going to be famous, I promise. You ask Blackbeard what your first mission is as a space pirate. "You're going to raid the planet below and bring back some loot for me." "Loot? What kind of loot?" "I'll show you later. First, let's get started. I want to make sure we're ready before we attack. I've got a couple of new recruits, so we need to train them up. But first, let's try a test run. Take us down to the planet and drop anchor." You land on the planet's surface and step out to take a look at your surroundings: lush green trees, blue sky, and white clouds. It's beautiful. "All right, everyone, time to get to work. Move out!" Blackbeard leads you to a small village, where she finds a few villagers and gives them orders. They scurry off to obey her commands. "I want you to help the villagers," she tells you. "Go to the market and buy some supplies. Don't spend too much. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves." You accidentally step in a piranha plant and scream. A second later, a swarm of the vicious fish come rushing toward you. You turn tail and run away as fast as you can. "Stop that! I told you not to waste money," Blackbeard yells after you. You realize this is the Mario Brothers planet and everything is based on the Super Mario Universe. You return to the village and you find that the villagers have taken care of most of the piranhas. You also see a pile of gold coins in front of one of the houses. "I think someone found the treasure chest!" You go over to the pile to put some coins in your pocket when suddenly the owner of the house catches you red handed. It is a large man dressed as King Bowser. He grabs you and throws you against the wall. "What the hell are you doing?" Blackbeard asks, walking up behind him. "My sister has a lot of power, but she's very gullible. I figured if I tricked her into thinking she'd met a real hero, she would do whatever I wanted. She thought you were really strong and handsome, and she came running to you." "So why did you kidnap me?" "To ransom you back to my sister. I'm sorry, but I have to do this." "No! Wait! Let me talk to her. Maybe I can convince her to give you back." You think of the one thing that will get you out of this: Princess Peach. You explain to the man that you are actually a princess in disguise, and that you were sent here by your father. "Oh, so you're just like her. Then you must be good luck for me." "Wait! Please, I'll do anything you want!" "Fine. I'll give you back to her, but only because you seem so sweet. Go fetch her." You rush back to the village and head to the palace. You enter the palace and meet Toadstool who says, "Sorry, but our princess is in another castle!" "What? Why?" "Her idiot brother kidnapped her. She's being held hostage until he gets paid." "Toadstool, please! My family needs me!" "Then hurry up and pay him.