Rhinoceros Tim, an otherwise normal man who has a rhino horn for a nose

Posted under Episode 135, Story On By Chief

You work at a large electronics big box store people ask all day long about your nose and you're sick of it.

You have resisted working for the circus all your life, but you are short on money and have no choice. You join the circus.

The first few weeks are pretty rough. The other performers don't take to you right away, and they tease you mercilessly. But eventually, you adapt and become part of the group. Eventually, the other performers realize that you aren't going to cause any problems and treat you with respect. Eventually, one night you get into a fight with a performer named Dandy Dan.

You toss Dandy Dan into the air with your horn. Everyone is very impressed, even Dandy Dan, who is bleeding internally.

He thanks you profusely and says he'll be sure to keep your secret. One day, the owner comes in to see what's up. "Rhinoceros Tim, I'm sorry to hear about your fight with Dandy Dan," he says.

You are suspended for fighting and are ordered to see the circus counselor, who also is the bearded lady.

She gives you some advice: "If you want to make things better between the rest of us, you need to act like a gentleman". You agree.

You go to see your girlfriend, the mermaid girl.

She is very pleased by your new attitude and tells you she will marry you if you can prove yourself as a gentleman.

You borrow the clown car and take the mermaid girl out for a fancy dinner at a seafood restaurant.

She loves it! Afterward, you return to the circus and tell the manager everything. He agrees to let you back in. After a couple months, the rest of the performers come to you asking how you are doing. They say they love you and would never think anything bad of you.

You start seeing the same two guys at every performance of the circus. You realize they are poacher. You get scared.

They know where you live and they've been following you around. You try to run, but your legs just won't move. You are so afraid that you can't do anything except cry. Finally, you give up and leave town. Years pass...

You are living in a run down trailer with your mermaid girl wife. You have seven kids and have developed a bit of a drinking problem.

Your children are all grown now, and you feel old. You wish you could just disappear forever...

A wizard shows up at your trailer and tells you he can make you disappear, if you give him your rhino horn.

He takes it from your pocket and puts it in his mouth. Then he swallows it whole.

The wizard gets a huge boner. "Just like I thought!" he says. He then makes you invisible. You consider the possibilities of no one being able to see you.

> You disappear forever You vanish into thin air.

You are invisible and decide to sneak into the poacher's campsite.

You sneak into the camp and find them eating a nice feast. "I guess they got me good," you say. Suddenly, you hear a loud noise coming from somewhere nearby. It sounds like a cannon blast. A bandit is hiding behind a tree firing at someone else. You hide behind a rock and wait until the bandits are distracted.

You wait until the poachers are asleep, then cut their noses off, one by one.

When they wake up, you explain that you were there to help them and that they should stop shooting each other. They thank you and take you back home. When they are done eating, you put your nose back on and head back to the circus. Years later, the poachers come looking for you again.

You give them VIP seats front row center, they love your act and apologize for trying to hunt you down.

One day, a woman walks in and asks you if you ever stopped by her house. She lives alone and is worried because her husband is having an affair. "Sure did," you say. "It was really fun". Years pass... You are a star. Your acts draw crowds of people. You have many fans. But something is wrong...

You continue.

Years pass... You are still performing when suddenly, your nose breaks. You fall to the ground unconscious. An ambulance pulls you out of the ring. Doctors examine your broken nose and determine that it needs to be replaced. You are given a brand new nose made of gold. "Well, that was fun". You say.