You find an earring outside of a home and attempt to return it to it's owner. You show it to the woman who lives there, but she says it is not her's. She then proceeds to scream at her husband for cheating and invites you inside. > You go in You enter the house and see that the woman has been having an affair with another man. The man looks like he has no idea what is going on, but when he sees you, he runs out screaming "What did you do this time?" You want to leave as this situation appears to be heated, but this is the most interesting thing to happen to you in years so you stay and sit down on the couch. The next day you receive an email from Ralph telling you that your wife is pregnant. He also informs you that his name is now Ralph and that he will be living here. He tells you that he wants to make things right by marrying you, but that if you don't want him, he'll move out. He asks if you're sure about this. You agree to the marriage, but only if he agrees to pick up your shift this Saturday night. He agrees, you decide to take your wife out on a date. You talk about the idea of starting a pizza harem. Your wife is mad at first, but starts to get into the idea the more you talk about it. You have to ask her to stop though, because you can sense she may start thinking about other men. When you come back, Ralph takes you aside and explains that he doesn't think he can marry you after all, as he feels it would be too much pressure. You take Ralph aside and gracefully explain to him that you were never attracted to him anyway and that you want to have sex with lots of women separate from him. Ralph is touched by your words and accepts your decision. Ralph starts taking care of the rest of your needs and eventually becomes one of your best friends. He even helps you save money to buy a car. One day while driving through town, you notice a little girl walking along side. Her name is Megan and she seems to be very lonely. You ask Megan if she ordered a pizza. She confirms that she did, but she didn't like it. You tell Ralph to bring her some food. That night, you and Megan have sex. It was a nice surprise, but you still feel bad about what happened earlier. A few months later, Ralph comes over to pick you up. He brings you something special for the occasion, a ring made of gold. You sneak a look inside Megan's purse and read her you.d. card that says she is 25 years old and is 4 feet 2 inches tall. That's a good age. When Ralph leaves, you feel like life has finally gotten better. You start subtly advertising the Harem to your most loyal pizza customers. Pauly, your #1 customer, asks how many woman you have and you tell him it's just 1: your wife. His eyes light up. "That's great! I've wanted to fuck her for ages!" he exclaims. As time goes on, you learn to keep secrets and hide the fact that you have a second wife. The people that work here know, but they aren't allowed to speak about it. They're afraid of getting fired. You ask your wife if she would like to have a sex threesome with another woman. She declines saying it wouldn't be fair since you're the main provider. One day Ralph comes home late. You notice he's got a new watch on. "I'm sorry, but I had to check my watch," he says. You smile and say, "It's okay, we should really get started on the pizza". While making the pizza you keep staring at Ralph's Rolex. Eventually you ask him where he got it and before he can answer Wayne, an earring wearing douchebag walks in and asks if anyone has seen his lost earring. Wayne immediately gets hostile and yells at Ralph that Ralph stole his earring. Ralph tries to defend himself by claiming Wayne punched him in the face and choked him. Wayne denies both claims. "Well, let me guess, you guys hooked up or something?" you ask. Wayne smiles and replies, "Yeah, and it wasn't pretty". Ralph and Wayne have a huge brawl that nearly destroys the pizza parlor. After it ends, Ralph calls Wayne a loser and leaves. Your wife comes home and finds everything destroyed. She screams at you, "Why couldn't you have just told us beforehand? We could have helped". "We tried, but we just weren't ready yet," you reply. One year passes... You continue. > Year 7 (October) "So you wanna go see the world?" You hear this voice coming from the darkness behind you. "Yes". "Great, well let's get started then". Suddenly you feel a sharp pain shoot through your chest. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that..". Turn around and see a monkey in a business suit give you his business card, which is made of metal and very sharp. On it, it just says one word: "Bananas?" "Okay, so what do you need me for?" The monkey looks at you funny. "Do you like bananas?" "What kind of question is that?" The monkey laughs and says, "You're not going to believe what happens next". Suddenly, you find yourself in a room filled with bananas.
Ralph Denny, a pizza delivery man
Posted under Episode 124, Story On By Chief