Perry Cotter, a plain average teenage boy that lives under the stairs

Posted under Episode 140, Story On By Chief

You live with your Aunt Fran, Uncle Ned, and morbidly obese cousin Drablesby.  Your Aunt Fran adopted you after your parents died in a mysterious accident.

You feel like you are destined for greatness, but have done nothing in your life to justify that. All the sudden you hear a knock at the door, you run to it, but no one is there. You see a package and you know your whole life is about to change when you see that inside the box is...

> You open the box You open the box and find an old looking man holding a pistol. He looks up from his work and stares at you. "Who are you?" he asks. "I am the Chosen One," you reply. "My name is John". The man nods and turns back to his gun.

The old man explains he is your sidekick, and that you should put him in the holster that is also in the box and wear him on your hip.

He then walks towards the stairs where you can now see him. He begins walking slowly down them, and as he does so you begin to realize what has happened. You've been transported to the year 2086 A.D. The world is ruled by a totalitarian government called The Alliance. They use fear of terrorism and nuclear annihilation as their main tools of control.

You stare at John in awe, you ask him what has happened?

He tells you that you were chosen because they believed you would be able to stop all future terrorist activity. Now you must choose whether or not to help this new savior of mankind or betray him and possibly lose everything.

You decide to become the savior of mankind. You provide the service with a smile.

John begins to walk away, but suddenly he stops and says "We're going to need more than just guns if we're going to do this right". "What do you mean?" "Well, I think we need to build a bomb shelter". "A bomb shelter?" you say.

You and John go down to city hall to apply for a permit to build a bomb shelter.

After getting the paperwork, you return to the basement. John is watching TV. Suddenly he sits up and yells "There's a news report on the television! It shows a picture of me and another man!" "Another man?" you say. "Yes, and he's wearing a gas mask too". John continues "They're building bombshelters underground".

You decide to betray him and possibly lose everything.

"Now I'm going to tell you a secret", John says "If you don't help us build these shelters, I'll kill everyone in the family". "Oh fuck you John!", you say. "Don't worry, I won't let you kill anyone"., John replies.

You realize John's ego is out of control. You decide to cut him down to size by stuffing him up a donkey's rear end.

"Look John, I get it you want to save humanity, but I'm sorry, but I'm not doing it"..

You order your Voldefort bomb-shelter-in-a-box starter kit. You wrestle with it in a heated battle to understand the directions, but you finally make it to page 2.

You read: You enter the next page and you see a small black screen with a blinking cursor. On the screen is a countdown clock.

You say "What is the countdown clock counting down to exactly?" and you raise your eyebrows inquiringly at john.

"It counts down to the day you're ready to blow up the entire world", John responds. "How do you know that?", you ask. "Because I was told to tell you by our benevolent leader, Big Brother".

You force John to take you to meet Big Brother.

When you arrive at Big Brother's underground bunker, Big Brother himself greets you. "Hello, my name is Big Brother". He smiles at you. "So how did you come to be here?"

You say "I'm ready to blow up anything you want!" and bow at his feet.

Big Brother frowns. "Very well, I shall wait while you finish your sentence". You stand up straight and look directly into Big Brother's eyes. "I will destroy the human race, because I believe it is evil and needs to die off"., you say. Big Brother sighs. "Very well, you may pass through my personal screening process".

You ask Big Brother to share his feelings with you.

"Your thoughts remind me of something, but I cannot remember what it is". You explain that your mission is to destroy the human race, and that you have decided to join forces with me to accomplish this goal. "Excellent choice, I have always wanted someone like you"., Big Brother says. "But why me?" you ask.

"Because I believe you will be the best person to carry out this task". "Why don't you have any other people working on this project?" "No, because I want to work alone"., Big Brother answers.

You karate chop big brother on the neck and scream "I'M AGAINST THE ALLIANCE! AHAHAHAHAHAH".

> You continue The two of you head back upstairs where you prepare the bomb shelter. You spend hours constructing it, which takes quite some time. When it's complete, you lock yourself inside. You sit there and watch the world go by outside. You feel sad about the world today. The world seems to be spiraling out of control.

Big Brother detonates a bomb and destroys the world, the bomb shelter unlocks in 30 years. Years pass and you step outside to see...

nothing has changed except the fact that now you're living in a bomb shelter. You've been living in one for 10 years now.