You are Santa Claus, the lost cat. You have escaped your captors, but they have your children. Keeping hidden, you bide your time until the middle of the night. As the light wanes, you come out, but you're hungry. You follow the scent of food and come across a strange metal box with a small can inside it. You decide to open it up and see what's in there. Inside is a small, round object that looks like a small ball of fluff. It seems very soft and squishy, almost like jelly. you lick a bit of the jelly. It tastes like... well, like something! You take a bite and find that it's sweet, salty and sour all at once. The flavor is so complex that you don't know where to begin eating it. You realize you are in a trap and the lid snaps shut. You are brought to a warm caring home and the trap opens to reveal the man that fed you. He strokes you head and gives you some more of that wonderful jelly stuff. You purr to show your gratitude. This is a good home! The man is Elon Musk, ready to give us cat-girls with science. You and your new family are going to help him change the world! Elon puts you in a rocket and sends you to mars with the girl cats to populate mars through selective breeding. On mars you are revered as an ancestor. They say your image is even worshiped. Your people eventually become martians and terraform the planet, making it just like Earth... except better! Elon's Tesla crash-lands on Mars. The martians make an electric car out of the wreck and use it as a status symbol. All people care about anymore is getting a Tesla. It has come to define the human race, and they all long for one. But the waiting list is too damn long. So they watch Earth-movies instead. Cat riots break out all over the planet to protest the Tesla inequality. In 2076, a second cat-genocide occurs. But these are not your ordinary cats. The humans don't know about the experiments that took place at the colony. You become so willing to forget that you don't change, but you demand more catnip. More. MORE. Chaos. > You invite ALF to the planet to control the cat population. As Earth is terraformed and the human population continues to grow, both problems begin to be taken care of. Your new planet becomes a utopia, but you don't get to enjoy it. Too much hassle involved. The human population enslaves the cat population forcing them to become house pets. ALF is taken to court, tried, lynched by an angry mob, and burned on a stake. The end. You retire and spend the rest of your days Xenyann, catgirl warrior princess. You are still revered as a hero to this day. The moral of the story: if you're a cat on a planet of humans, don't let them lick you.
NYE Story #5
Posted under NYE Story #5, Story On By Chief