NYE Story #4

Posted under NYE Story #4, Story On By Chief

you are Jason, a man who loves Butter and Popcorn. you are in hospital for your yearly Checkup. your doctor tells you " you are allergic to butter and Popcorn" jason says "noooo!". he then proceeds to give you a box of Butterfingers, Popcorns and some other things that make him sound like an evil wizard.
> You ask why your doctor has all these evil wizard things.
You ask your doctor what his name is and if he's a wizard. He replies "I am Doctor Doom, I'm not sure about the rest of my friends though.
> You say you'll do anything to be able to keep eating butter and popcorn.
You look for a spell that will tell you if your Doctor is a wizard. You find one.
You call up your friend The Sex Lizard and tell him about your diagnosis. He is surprised, he says that he has a few friends who are wizards and he will find out what kind of wizard your doctor is.
> You ask what it will cost for The Sex Lizard's help.
The Sex Lizard says he will need money to find out what kind of wizard your doctor is.
You offer The Sex Lizard $5.
> You say "why is my Whole body inflating like a balloon? is it because I'm allergic to butter and Popcorn? "
With a whoosh you start to inflate like a balloon, getting fatter and fatter until you pop and die.
> You awaken sweaty from your phone ringing, you answer and its Dr. Doom "I have a way you can save you. It's experimental.
The doctors experimental method is as follows:
First the doctor gives you a full physical to make sure you are healthy enough for the procedure. Then he takes a sample of your blood and pours it into a large machine. After mixing it with other chemicals the machine spits out a round glass ball containing your blood. This is when things get weird. The doctor takes out a hammer and smashes the glass ball. Then the doctor orders you into a bathtub. You step into it and find that it's filled with water and little pieces of your smashed blood test tube. He tells you to wait in the tub until you die.
You start to think that your might not be in the right place.  You confront your doctor's advice and tell him you think that is crazy. He tells you how it's been done for years and it has a 100% success rate.
You tell him that all you want is a cure to your allergy.
you call The Sex Lizard and ask him if any of his doctor friends can cure your butter and popcorn allergy.
The Sex Lizard tells you that one of his wizard friends, Anorexia, can cure you. He says the problem is that she is anorexic and only accepts payment in calorie free food.
You get Anorexia a tray of various bottled waters, celery, and rice cakes.  Anorexia agrees to help you.
She comes to your house and injects you with a serum she brewed up. You get a rash from it and begin to feel dizzy.
you pass out and awaken at home. you get up and look in the mirror and see that you are now:
STRONGER! HARDER! FASTER! BETTER! YOU ARE NOW AT THE LEVEL OF A TRIATHLETE WITH SOME TIME, PRACTICE, AND WILLPOWER!
Anorexia walks in and tells you, "Now you are allergic to everything but butter and popcorn!"
"But what about my rash?" you ask.
"Oh, that will go away in two days."
you wait two days and notice the rash is gone. you go out to your kitchen and see the Rash making some popcorn. He offers you some.
"Sure, thanks." you say.
You begin eating the popcorn and suddenly realize that you forgot that you were allergic to it.
You stand around and wait for a reaction to happen, but nothing appears to give you a rash.  You celebrate with Rash and consume the whole party tray of butter and popcorn.
The next day you walk into the kitchen and look at the popcorn bowl. "Odd, I'm not allergic to it anymore." you think.
You eat some more and still no rash appears.
 You tell Rash if he wants to stay here he's going to have to pay rent.
"OK." he says.
Rash pays you $500 a month for the rest of your days and you live happily ever after.
The moral of the story: Be careful for what you wish because you just might get it.