NYE Story #13

You are Chwimple, the gnomish ghost-eater. People call upon you whenever their houses get haunted, which is startlingly common. One evening a herald from the king approaches you and tells you that he wants to see you immediately. He says that his subjects have been complaining about strange things happening in the castle, but as usual there has been no proof of any such thing.
> You begin your investigation by talking to the servants.
"I want to talk to the servants," you say. "What do they think happened?"

The servant looks at each other for a moment before replying, "We all know it was ghosts.
You pull out your Ghost-Eater Meter and detected that the house is crawling with delicious ghosts.  You tell the servant, "Looks like it's dinner time!"
The king gets angry and shouts, "I didn't bring you here to eat my fucking ghosts!"
You ignore him and begin eating the delicious ghosts. You eat so many that it makes you... Hangry.
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" you shout at the king, "BETTER YET, I'LL EAT YOUR FUCKING ASS!"
you begin to get your ass eaten out by the king.
At first it seems weird, but after a minute you start to enjoy it. You never knew the king was so kinky.
Afterwards, the ghost problem is solved and everything turns out fine.
> You tell the king you think there is a ghost in his ass and you have to eat it.
The king turns red and becomes angry at you. "I didn't bring you here to eat my fucking ass!"
You ignore him and begin eating the king's ass.
It turns out there really is a ghost in the king's ass.  The ghost was the previous king who hated the current king, and he was haunting his ass because he was jealous.
You eat so many ghosts that it makes you... Hangry.
you go out for a nice spag bowl to fill your ethereally empty belly. You eat so much that you're now unhealthily full.
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!
> You fart, and a ghost flies out of your butt.
You fart, and a ghost flies out of your butt.
"Why is there a ghost in your ass and why are you farting?"
The king turns red and becomes angry at you.
The ghost that flies was the late Queen and she saunters up to the King to yell at him beyond the grave.
The ghost that flew was the late Queen and she saunters up to the King.
the king cries.
You fart a lot and it kills the ghost queen.
You console the king for the queen.
You fart a lot and it kills the ghost queen, the king cries, you console the king for the queen, and then you eat his ass again.
The End.
The moral of the story: Even if you are a ghost it is still never a good idea to be a jealous asshole.