NYE Story #1

Posted under NYE Story #1, Story On By Chief

You are Jim, a guy who doesn't like the new pair of jeans he just bought. You walk around the park, while wearing the jeans. You look around and see Cory sitting in the park in sweatpants. The sweatpants look comfy, so you run up to Cory and push him to the ground before removing his sweatpants and putting them on. You start running away, but Cory starts chasing after you. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Cory asks. "I'm not going to hurt you."
You ask Cory where he got his pants from. He tells you that they were given to him by a girl at school.
You get the idea to start shopping for pants in a women's clothing store. 

"Why don't you just go to a thrift store?" the teacher asks. The other students are laughing at you. 
You tell the teacher to shut up and let you finish.
You head to the thrift store after school where you run into Macklemore ,who likes singing and going to the thrift store. You ask him where he got his pants, and he tells you that he got it from a Hot Topic. He also tells you that if you go there you are a "poser" and asks you to leave.
You go to Hot Topic and see 10 things that you would like to wear: 

1.A pair of ripped up light blue skinny jeans with holes at the knee 
2.A pair of ripped up light blue straight-legged jeans 
3.A pair of black skinny jeans 
4.A pair of black straight-legged jeans 
5.A pair of white skinny jeans 
6.A pair of white straight-legged jeans 
7.A pair of gray skinny jeans 
8.A pair of gray straight-legged jeans 
9.A pair of blue skinny jeans 
10.A pair of blue straight-legged jeans
> You buy all the jeans and open a kiosk outside the Hot Topic selling Jeans.
You sell a lot of jeans. You start a fashion trend, but you are oblivious to it.
JimCo jeans are the hottest item in the world. Every celebrity is seen in them. You make so much money that you open up a shop specifically selling JimCo Jeans. You become the richest person in the world, but you are still unhappy. You are psychologically incapable of enjoying your wealth.
you are addicted to working. Every moment you spend trying to relax you cant help but think of Jeans. You buy every color of denim possible and you make it a mission of yours to find the perfect pair of jeans.
your perfection turns to madness and you decide to make a pair of Jeans out of the most dangerous material: snakeskin 

1.Snakeskin Jeans- You go to the desert and start grabbing snakes. you put them in a machine and turn their skin into a durable fabric.
You roll out a limited amount of Snakeskin jeans to the public. Your factory is attacked by animal rights activists, who accuse you of murdering innocent snakes. 
2.Unwashed Jeans- You decide to save money on the manufacturing process by not washing the jeans. This proves popular with people who like the "vintage look". 
3.Crystal Jeans- You set up a machine that shoots out thousands of crystals. 
4.Colored Jeans- You decide to cut costs by dying old pairs of jeans rather then manufacturing new ones.
you use the Crystal Jeans machine on the activists. The jeans stun the activists and you are hailed a hero. 

You are kidnapped by the Taliban who accuse you of being a "western operative" due to your love of jeans.
You plead with the Taliban to design a pair of pants for them.  They agree and you show them your design, a pair of pants made of out of vinyl. 
"These are nice and all, but aren't they a bit...flammable?" 
The Taliban shoot you for exposing them to unnecessary risk
"Dead jeans designers don't design"
You are saved by wearing 10 layers of denim, the bullet only penetrated 7 of your denim jacket.
You are pissed off and vow to expose the Taliban's lack of design skills using any means possible.
> You design a suit of denim that will protect you from the Taliban as you escape. It has the following capabilities:
You start your design by using only the strongest parts of the denim. Next, you use every type of thread that can be found in denim.
Next you develop a gas that turns flesh into denim and fill a spray bottle full of the gas.  You turn all of your captors into denim skinned monsters.
"I call them...the jeanists"
You abandon your plans to reveal the jeanists to the world. you walk alone in the desert to find human civilization. 
The adventure ends.
The moral of the story: