Monkey President vs Lizard Man – “In a world where the gods have been banished, mankind has forgotten how to live.

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

"In a world where the gods have been banished, mankind has forgotten how to live. In this land of darkness and shame, there is only one man who can save us from our own destruction."
Into that silence, I spoke. "I am that man," I said. "And I will go anywhere, do anything, to stop the madness."
I mustered up a smile for the crowd. "Will you help me?"
The people nodded in unison.
"Then let's begin."

Friday, February 10, 2012

We've all heard it said: "You can't judge a book by its cover." That's very true.
 I needed a campaign slogan to be effective.  The people have been chanting:
 "Let's begin!" and I'm ready to make my case to them.

My campaign slogan is: "A vote for me is a vote for change."

Change is what we need. We need more than just a new leader. We need someone who will bring change to the way things are done around here.

I know what you're thinking.
 I know you think that a lizard person is not to be trusted, but that couldn't be further from the truth!
 I'm not some crazy alien; I'm your friend! I'm running to give you a voice, to make sure that this country is run by the people, and not by a few powerful men who don't care about you or anyone else.
 I know my opponent is just a super intelligent monkey with the brain of a blue whale, but he sucks!
 He doesn't listen to anybody! He's like a robot programmed to do nothing but destroy everything around him!

But if you give me a chance, I'll make sure that everyone has a say. I promise that when I am elected, every decision will be made based on what is best for the people of this country. If you want to see change, then please vote for me.
 Monkey president speaks up to debate me.
Monkey President: You are so right, my friend! I must say, you really put up a good argument there. But I believe that I have the better plan.

Lizard Man: What?! How could you possibly think that?

Monkey President: .
.. Oh, never mind. Listen, I'm going to make you a deal. If I win the election, I will appoint you as the Secretary of Defense. That's a very important position, and it needs to be filled. You'll get paid well, and you'll get to help protect this country.

Lizard Man: What?!

You refuse Monkey President's offer and retort with a list of you important policy changes you will make when you win the election:

Monkey President: Well, I can't tell you my entire platform yet. I'd like to keep some of those secrets to myself for now. But I can tell you that I will make sure that everyone has access to affordable healthcare. I'm also going to make sure that the working class gets their fair share of the pie.

You begin to attack Monkey President and remind everyone of a recent scandal that was just in the news.

Monkey President: Oh, no! I didn't mean that! It's not my fault that the other candidates are too stupid to know how to use email.

Lizard Man: (Interrupting) What?

Monkey President: Your opponent, Lizard Man, is a criminal!
 He stole from his own charity! He took money meant for sick children and spent it on himself!

Lizard Man: That's a lie!

Monkey President: (Interrupting) No, it's not! The FBI is investigating him right now. They found evidence of fraud and embezzlement. He's a terrible person.

Lizard Man makes up an incredulous lie about Monkey President:

Lizard Man: (Interrupting) Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a lizard man. My name is actually Larry King.

Monkey President: (Interrupting) I don't care what you're name is. You're a horrible person!
 Lizard Man lunges out and attacks Monkey President live on national tv!

Lizard Man: (Interrupting) I'm not a lizard man! I'm a human being!

Monkey President: (Interrupting) I don't care what you are! You're a bad person!

Lizard Man: (Interrupting) No, I'm not!