Monkey jumping on the bed – You are a monkey jumping on the bed.

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are a monkey jumping on the bed. You fall off and bump your head. Momma calls the doctor and the doctor says*
 That's okay, it's not serious.* He leaves the room.
Momma brings you some water in a glass with ice cubes. She puts it to your lips. The water is cold but delicious.

Momma gives you a talking to about jumping on the bed.
 You nod yes, because you know that if she catches you doing something else then she will be angry at you again.
The next day Momma brings you a big bowl of stew for dinner.

Momma opens your door and sees you jumping on the bed, again.  She drops the bowl of stew in absolute disbelief.

She grabs you by the arms and pulls you away from the bed.
"What the hell have you been doing?" She shouts. "That's my good pottery!"
You say nothing.
 You don't want to get into another fight.
"Answer me, young man!" She yells.
"I was just playing," You answer quietly.
"Playing? Playing?" She laughs loudly.

Momma pulls out a giant wooden paddle with "DISCIPLINE" carved into the handle.

You freeze. You know what happens when Momma gets angry. You've seen it before.
"No more games! No more monkey business!" She screams.
"But I'm hungry."

Momma points to the stew on the ground and leaves.  You eat what you can and clean up.

When you're done eating you go back to the bedroom and jump on the bed.
Momma comes back with a whip.
"If you do this one more time..." She threatens.

Momma goes to bed, and you get back on the bed and proceed to jump.

Momma wakes up and finds you jumping on her face. She whips you across the room.
"Stop it or I'll make you stop!" She shouts.
You drop down onto the floor.

You begin a defensive fight against Momma.
 You grab hold of her legs and try to pull them apart. You bite at her feet.
Momma kicks you away.
"Get off of me, damnit!" She screams.

You grin and say, "Momma, you never said which bed I should stop jumping on!  I thought you meant your bed!"

Momma smacks you across the room.
"How dare you question me!" She screams.
"Well, you didn't say which bed I shouldn't jump on!" You shout back.

You turn on your stereo and play "Holiday" by Green Day as loud as possible.

Momma comes over and tries to take the CD player away from you.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"I like listening to music!" You yell.
Momma picks you up and throws you into the air.

You grab on to the chandelier in your room and swing around.

"Don't you ever defy me again!" She screams.
"But I thought you liked Green Day!" You cry.
"Shut up and let me punish you!" She screams.
You climb out of the window.

You run away.

You hide in a tree.
You eat some fruit.
You use your telescope to look for other monkeys.
You see a large group of monkeys running through the jungle. They're chasing a huge creature.

You notice the monkeys are chasing
 a massive python.
You decide to follow them.
You sneak behind the bushes and watch as the monkey leader grabs the python and begins tearing at its belly.
You can hear the sounds of bones breaking.

You make friends with this wild pack of monkeys.
 You learn their language and they teach you how to hunt.
You catch a baby python.
You train the pack of monkeys to help you kill the pythons.
You find a nest of baby pythons.

You train the pythons to be your friends.

You give the baby pythons names.
You teach the pythons to sing.
You perform a concert with the pythons.
You show the pythons a magic trick.

You perform at a local open mic with the pythons and do a cover of your favorite song:
 "Donuts".
You perform at a private party with the pythons and do a duet of your favorite song: "Dance Dance Revolution".
You go to visit your mother.

You see that your mother has become a witch. She tells you she is a goddess now.
Your mother teaches you how to cast spells.
You learn how to brew potions.
You learn how to dance.

> You test your Momma's love and jump on the bed.

You ask Momma about her past.
You learn that Momma was once married.
You learn that Momma had a daughter named Sarah.
You learn that Momma was pregnant when she left her husband and went to live with her daughter.

While Momma shares intimate details about her past, you and your baby friends continue to jump on the bed.

"Sarah and I were very close growing up," Momma says.
"Why did you leave your husband?" You ask.
"He wasn't good enough for me." She replies.

"Do you miss him?" You ask.
"Sometimes," She sighs.
You notice a picture of Momma and Sarah on the wall.
"Did you have any brothers or sisters?"

Momma points to her brother, a scary looking Gorilla that just went the name
 of Paul.
"That's my brother, Paul." She explains.
"Is he still alive?" You ask.
"Yes, but not for much longer. He's been sick for years."

You visit Uncle Paul in the hospital and jump on the bed next to his.

Uncle Paul has a hard time speaking, so you talk to him instead.
"Hello, uncle Paul," You say.
"I'm glad you came by," Paul says.
"What are you in for today?"
 You ask.
"They think I'm dying," He replies.
"I heard you've been sick for years," You say.
"I have cancer," Paul explains.
"Oh no!"

Uncle Paul leans in and says, "It's just for the money, I'm healthy as a horse!"  You laugh and you Uncle Paul jump on the bed.  Suddenly the door swings open and Momma comes in.

"What are you two doing here?" She asks.
"We wanted to see how you were doing," You say.
"I'm fine," She replies.
"Paul is really sick," You explain.

Momma notices that Paul seems perfectly fine.

"Paul doesn't look sick at all," She says.
"He's lying to you!" You exclaim.
Momma looks at you and smiles.
"I don't believe it," She says.

Uncle Paul falls downs and bumps his head.

"Ow! What happened?" You ask.
"I tripped over my own feet," Paul says.
"Oh, you poor thing," You say.
You notice a book on the floor and pick it up.

The book is titled: "Isn't It Ironic: A Melissa Ethridge Autobiography".

You read the first page.
"In high school I discovered my true calling: theater. I knew from the age of five that I would be an actress. I grew up in Los Angeles, where I started acting in plays at the local community college and eventually graduated to professional stage work.

A doctor rushes in and says
, "She's dead!"
"No, she isn't," I say.
"What?" The doctor asks.
"She's not dead. She's playing dead."
"You're crazy," The doctor says.

You google, "Is Melissa Ethridge dead?"

"Melissa Ethridge died on March 6th, 1993, at the age of thirty-one."
"What? How could she die?" You ask.
"Her mother was killed in a car accident on the way to the premiere of her new movie.

The ghost of Melissa Ethridge appears. "Hey, that's a nice bed"

"Yeah, but I can't get off of it," You say.
"It's not real," She says.
"It feels pretty real to me," You reply.
"It's just a dream," She says.

You realize this is the ghost of Melissa Ethridge and you shoot her with a holy desert eagle.

"Wake up!" You scream.
You wake up and see that your mother is gone.
You go outside to find Momma sitting on a bench, reading a book.
"Where'd you go?"