Maurey Plowvich has a pregnant girlfriend

Posted under Episode 127, Story On By Chief

Your girlfriend reveals that she's cheated on you with 12 different guys. You ask, "Why?" She said, "One guy per month." You roll your eyes, before saying, "So, which of the 12 guys is the father?" She says she doesn't know, but it's certainly not you because you and her have never done anything other than kiss. You read the list of the 12 guys she's slept with.

One of them looks like him. You look at each other for a moment, then say to yourself, "I'm going to kill this girl". "What? Are you crazy?!" she asks in disbelief. "No! I'm serious!" She thinks about what you've just told her and then nods. "Okay, let's do this".

You decide to go and visit each ex, first up on the list: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

You head over to his house and knock on the door. It opens up immediately. He smiles at you and waves you inside. His room is furnished in his favorite style, which is very much like yours, except he has more clothes, a bigger TV and a nicer bed. He sits down on the bed and begins talking to you.

You The Rock pats the space next to him on the bed.

"I haven't seen you since my movie came out. How have you been?" You reply by asking how he's doing. He replies, "Fine, actually I was supposed to be working on another film, but things changed and now I can talk to you again. So what did you want to talk about?"

Before you can ask, Nicolas Cage walks out of the bathroom. Nicolas Cage is also another one of your girlfriend's exes.

> You tell Nic Cage all about your past You: "Nicolas Cage, I don't think you're really interested in me, so why did you come here?" Nico: "Because I love movies too, and I thought maybe we could catch up. We used to work together on 'Rambo III'". You: "Oh yeah, that one".

You ask the Rock and Nic Cage to kiss each other to determine who is the best kisser. You will fight the best kisser.

Whoever loses their virginity wins. You: "Who won?" Rock: "Heh, well I lost mine to you... But I'll win mine to you later..". Cage: "Well, I guess we'll see who wins". Nic Cage: "Hey Rock, wanna go get some drinks after this?"

You pull a photo of an ultrasound baby from your pocket and shout "EXPLAIN THIS BOYZ! YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING MY GIRL AND I KNOW IT!" and then you motion to the camera crew to rush into the room.

Afterwards, you and Rock argue about everything. Rock says he wants to meet the rest of the cast and the director. You: "Yeah, sure, whatever, I mean they were nice enough to give us free tickets to the premiere, I don't care if they're shit behind the scenes or not, but they should at least acknowledge our existence and respect us as actors".

You call your actor's union rep, who turns out to be another of your girlfriend's exes. His name is Will Smith. Yes, THE Will Smith.

Rock: "We need to get rid of this asshole right away, because he's ruining our career!". You: "That's ridiculous, there's no way we can replace him. Besides, he hasn't done any acting yet, he's only a rapper. Nobody gives a fuck about him anyway".

You Convince Will Smith to take you for a ride in his father's sportscar, even though his father will be furious if he finds out.

Will Smith: "Hahaha, I bet you're gonna make me rich, huh?". You: "Maybe, but I'd rather be remembered as the one who saved your ass instead of making money off of it".

You demand that The Rock, Nico Cage, Will Smith, and Danny Devito give you semen samples in order to find out who the real father is.

Nico Cage: "But... What about the paternity test?" Rock: "Fuck you, dude! I'm not giving you shit, I'm fucking pissed!" You: "Alright, alright, calm down! Let's do this!".

The test reveals Will Smith is the father, but he refuses to take responsibility for the child. You ask him why not, and he says, "Because parents just don't understand."

Rock: "Now that's what I'm talking about! I'm the fuckin' rock star! Fuck you rock stars, you ain't got nothing on me! Now that's what I'm talking about! I'm the fuckin' rock star! Fuck you rock stars, you ain't got nothing on me! Now that's what I'm talking about!"