You are Jason, an AI Researcher working at The Pentagon. You have just compiled the code for the most advanced AI on the planet. You start it up and tell it to generate the spookiest story possible. The AI outputs the following"
"Aikido is a Japanese martial art that originated in the late 1800s.
It has many techniques and is practiced by millions of people around the world. One of its main techniques is called "Kumite," which means "test."
You are currently in a test for your life against your dojo master
. If you win, you will be the next head of the United States Military Intelligence Agency. If you lose, you will die.
Your opponent is a very powerful competitor named, "The Mad Genius."
Your opponent has been practicing Kumite since he was a small child.
You lean in for a kiss with The Mad Genius.
He pulls back, saying, "No! Not here!"
He takes off running towards a nearby wall. You try to catch him but are unable to.
You look at the sign on the building to see where the The Mad Genius has just entered, it says "
The Mad Genius' Office." You run after him as fast as you can. You get to his office and knock on the door.
You enter and see The Mad Genius standing there expecting you. You walk in and look around.
There is no furniture or anything in this room except for a desk and chair. You sit down and wait. A few minutes pass and you hear footsteps coming near to you.
"What do we have here?" The Mad Genius asks.
You stand up and say, "I'm here to fight you sir."
The battle begins as The Mad Genius hits you in the side of the head with a banana. You remember that in Aikido anything in the room can be a weapon, so you pick up an unconventional weapon:
a cane. You swing the cane at him twice and connect both times. The Mad Genius thinks quickly and grabs a chair from the desk and throws it at you.
You block the chair and pickup a wet noodle and whip it at his face.
He blocks the noodle and you hit him square in the stomach. He falls to the floor unconscious. You pick up the banana and hit him again.
You force feed The Mad Genius the banana and become the new head of the United States Military Intelligence Agency.
You then pick up the wet noodle and throw it at his mouth. He tries to bite it but cannot because he is out cold. You let go of the wet noodle and get up. You leave the building and walk out into the street.
You turn around and walk back to your apartment. You open the door and walk inside. You close the door behind you and lock it. You walk over to your computer and start typing in your password. You type in "Aikido". You press enter and you are now logged in as "The Mad Genius".
You check the search history and are shocked to see:
"Aikido 101: How to defeat the Mad Genius."
You click on the link and are taken to the website. You watch the video and you learn that The Mad Genius is a genius at Aikido. You learn how to block, avoid, and counterattack. You learn how to use your body to your advantage. After watching the video, you decide to continue learning about Aikido. You log in to the website again and find another video on how to defend yourself. You finish watching the video and are satisfied with your progress. You log out and are excited to begin practicing Aikido.
You become a master by only watching videos online. You test your strength and knowledge of Aikido by doing a live televised event where you will accept any challengers.
You win the match easily and are now the head of the United States Military Intelligence Agency. You order all the military leaders to take a day off and allow you to train them.
The next morning you wake up and look at the clock; it's 11 am. You walk out of your apartment and see a police officer walking towards you. "Sir, I need you to come with me." You follow the officer to the police station. You wait outside the door for the police officers to come out. You hear a voice call out, "Hey! What's going on?"
You see the most jacked giant police officer step out of the police station and challenge you to a fight. It's Officer Cory! Officer Cory says to everyone watching that you are a master of bullshit and about to get your ass kicked. You accept the challenge and begin the fight.
You punch Officer Cory in the gut and he falls to the ground unconscious. You grab the giant cop and throw him against a wall. You pull his arms behind his back, wrap his legs around his waist, and put his hands behind his back. You tie his arms together with his own handcuffs. You look at the clock; it's 2 pm. You look at the giant cop and say, "You're fired." The giant cop gets up and walks away. You laugh and walk out of the police station. You walk down the street and see that it's raining.
You teach Aikido to the masses and have yet to meet your match until one day a mysterious vehicle marked with the North Korean flag arrives at your dojo. Kim Jong Un has sent his best fighter, a man named
, "The Mad Genius" to test you. You defeat him easily. You then defeat his friend who was also sent to try and beat you. You win and become the head of the United States Military Intelligence Agency. You then send the army to attack North Korea. You are the new head of the United States Military Intelligence Agency. You decide to take a vacation and visit a country called, "Japan." You land in Tokyo and walk around the city. You walk into a bar and see a woman sitting at a table. She looks up at you and smiles. You walk over to the table and sit down. "Hello."
The women gets up and leaves immediately. You have been defeated!
You can't believe it. You get up and leave the bar. You walk home and go to your apartment. You open the door and see a woman standing there. "Who are you?" You ask her. "I'm your wife," she says. You are confused and don't understand what she is saying. You turn around and walk out of the apartment. You walk to your car and get in. You drive home and arrive at your house. You walk inside and see that it's dark. You walk to your bedroom and find your wife sleeping soundly.
The moral of the story:
Don't sleep with your wife while she's asleep.
You wake up and walk to the bathroom. You look at your reflection and realize you look like a loser. You look at yourself in the mirror and shake your head. You walk back to your room and get into bed. You fall asleep instantly. You wake up in the morning and look at the clock. It's 3 pm. You get up and walk to the kitchen. You start to make lunch for your wife. You walk into the living room and see your wife lying on the couch watching TV.