You are a doctor who specializes in lobotomy. Your next patient enters the room and says : " Doctor, I have a headache." What do you do? A. You tell him to take two aspirins and lie down for three hours. B. You examine him and find that he has no brain. C. You ask if he ever had one before. D. You remove his head with an axe. E. You become a psychiatrist. > You examine him and find that he has no brain. "Well, you're not getting your money back," you say. He's still mad but you can see that he'll calm down eventually so you leave him there and go back to work. The rest of the day goes by without any problems. You end up making more money than usual because of how much business is coming in. > You are suspicious of all these brainless fools coming in for lobotomies and decide to investigate. You head over to the hospital and try to talk to the nurse at the front desk. She doesn't seem very happy about it though. "Get outta here! Nobody comes into this place without permission!" she shouts. You don't know what the hell she's talking about but you're pretty sure that you haven't been given permission to be here. > You lean in for a kiss with the nurse. She pulls away and runs off crying. You run after her. She locks herself in the nurses' quarters. You smash through the door and grab her by the throat. "What the fuck was that?!" you shout. "I-I'm sorry, sir, but... I think there's been some sort of mistake..." she stutters. > You return to your trailer in the parking lot of the hospital and continue to do lobotomies as usual. After a few days pass, you start to get suspicious about the nurse. You go back to the hospital only to discover that she's gone. You call the police and they inform you that she's been arrested on charges of murder. The police also inform you that she confessed to killing several patients during their lobotomies. You're shocked. How could this happen?! > You visit Nurse Ratchet in prison and ask her about these "murders". "Oh, it wasn't really murder, just a little manslaughter. I mean, we didn't kill them, we just knocked 'em out. It's really hard to knock someone out when they're dead already, ya know?" "But why did you do it? Why would you want to knock people out who were already dead?" "Well, sometimes they'd wake up and start screaming. And it's really annoying when people scream while you're trying to knock 'em out. So, uh, yeah. That's basically it." "But why did you do it to me? I was already dead." "Oh, well, you were kinda alive, but not really. > You ask our Nurse Ratchet and become pen pals while she serves her 30 year prison sentence. Nurse Ratchet writes: Dear Mr. Sunflower, My name is Nurse Ratchet. I am currently serving time in the psychiatric ward of a local prison. I came across your letter and decided to write you. My crime was involuntary manslaughter. A woman died during my first attempt at a lobotomy. I was only doing what I thought was best for her. > You write a letter back. Dear Nurse Ratchet, It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind. I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad to hear you're in a mental institution. If you weren't, I'd be worried about you. Sincerely, Sunflower You send the letter to Nurse Ratchet. You wait for a response. Days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years. You grow older and older. You never receive a reply from Nurse Ratchet. Eventually, you die. And yet, somehow, you still live. You go on living, and you never cease to wonder. Why the hell does Nurse Ratchet hate you so much? > You find out Nurse Ratchet got out of prison early for good behavior and you track her down and pay her a visit. Nurse Ratchet answers the door in a nightgown and slippers. "Hi, Nurse Ratchet," you say. "Hello, Sunflower," she replies. "How are you today?" "Not bad. I'm just waiting for my husband to come home from work." "How long have you been married?" "Twenty-seven years. > You demand Nurse Ratchet tell you why she stopped writing you letters after all those years. "I told you. I felt bad about what happened between us." "So you stopped writing me letters?" "Yes. I couldn't stand to look at you." "Why?" "Because you reminded me too much of myself." "Meaning what?" "That I used to be a monster too." "What exactly did you do?" > You hear a noise from the coat closet and open it to see Nurse Ratchet's husband Fred has been lobotomized by her. "I can't believe you did this to him!" you exclaim. "He's really getting under my skin lately," she says. "Well, he was always kind of an asshole." "Yeah, but now he's worse than ever. I had no choice. He was going to leave me if I didn't do something." "So you lobotomized him?" > You feel the prick of a needle enter your neck. You wake up and realize that you have been lobotomized by Nurse Ratchet. "Welcome back, dearie," she says. "Whoa! What happened?" "Your brain is now a perfect blank slate. There is nothing in here that can possibly hurt anyone anymore." "Wait! I don't want to be a mindless drone!" "Of course you don't. But you won't have any choice in the matter.