Linda Lopez, cafeteria lunch lady who used to work for the CIA

Posted under Episode 80, Story On By Chief

You are working in the kitchen one day, making a big pot of beans, and a big thing of meatloaf one, then you take it to the school, because their kitchen is broken.

You get there just as everyone else does. The teacher tells them all to go back into class, but they refuse, so he has to call them out by name. They are all angry at him, but he calls them out again, saying that if they don't leave the school immediately, he will have to call the police on them.

The teacher loses his temper, and pulls out a gun.

He points it at each one of them, and says "If any of you students try anything like this again, I'll blow your brains out".

You throw the pot of hot boiling chili on the teacher. All the students cheer for you and the cops give you an award for bravery.

> You run away You quickly run off down the street with the pot of chili in hand. When you reach your house, you realize you can't cook anymore, so you decide to hide it in a closet in the basement. After hiding it, you think about what you should do next.

You your elderly mother opens your bedroom door holding the chili in her arms and a disappointed look on her face. "What's this" she asks.

"It's my favorite food, but I'm sure it wasn't yours".

You say "Put that chili back where you found it, unless you want me to do some Karachi karate on you. Little technique I picked up in Pakistan."

Your mom smiles. "Well, I guess we're going to have to be friends now". A few days later your Mom gets home from work, and finds the Chili in your hands. She looks at it and sighs. "I knew it was mine when you put it back where I found it". She goes to sit down beside you on the sofa.

You your mom puts her hand on top of yours and say "We need to talk".


You Your mom tells you, "I know I'm not allowed to ask about your CIA days, but you need to leave this chili obsession behind.".

You smile and nod "OK", and walk outside. "That was fun, let's do it again sometime".

You wake up in a spicy sweat. It was a dream. A dream of better days, before you started chiliboarding "terrorists" who may or may not have been guilty. They never lived to say.

You feel sick. You can't eat chili. You feel like throwing up. You can't even think straight. You start crying. You head upstairs and cry until your mom comes downstairs. "Come here honey, I got something to tell you". You look up at her "But...but..".

You continue.

"I'm sorry son, but you've become too much of a chocker. We can no longer allow you to chock anyone". You turn around and leave the room. When you come back downstairs, your mom is waiting for you. "I want you to understand that I love you very much, and I always will, but I am afraid of losing you".

You slip a dose of truth serum into your mothers coffee and then ask her "What happened to dad?".

She answers "He died last year, after years of being diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He was only 72 years old. He loved you more than life itself, but he couldn't help himself. His eyes were looking right through you, and his voice said it all..". You stare blankly at your mother. "Mommy? Are you kidding me?"

You say "Yes," your mom tells you. You are furious, but have to admit it was a great prank. "So seriously, what happened to dad?"

She continues "He was a good man, and had many wonderful qualities, but he also had many faults. In fact he was a perfect father, except he didn't teach you how to laugh properly. He taught you how to scream and yell, which is fine, but he never taught you how to laugh properly. He was a terrible husband, and he was a horrible father".

You say "continue to tell me about dad"

She continues "Dad was a drug addict, and he would snort coke in the morning, and smoke marijuana in the afternoon. He smoked weed so bad, he'd fall asleep while driving. He was also a drunk, and drank so much he'd vomit on the way home from work".

You say "Where did dad work," you ask your mom. "At the Hormel factory. The chili division," your mom tells you.

You say "How long has dad been addicted to drugs?" Her response "About 30 years, but he beat it every time. He tried to quit once, but he kept coming back because he was addicted to the thrill of getting high, not to mention he liked the rush. Dad was a good man, but he just could not overcome his addictions".

You say "Can you tell me about Dad's sex life?"

Her answer "No, he was married twice, but each marriage lasted less than a year. One day, he came home and told his wife he was leaving her. His first wife left him for another man, and he was devastated. Then his second wife left him, and he blamed her for his addiction".

You continue.

You say "What happened to his other two wives?" Her reply "They both died of natural causes. He was an alcoholic, and he died of cirrhosis of the liver in 1995. He was 62 years old. His final words were 'I wish I could go back and change things'. He was buried in Texas, in the cemetery there".

You slip more truth serum into your mom's coffee then ask "Where did you and dad meet?".

Her reply "In school. He was taking chemistry class, and he saw your name on the list. He sat next to you, and you became fast friends. You were best friends for over 20 years, until one night..".

You continue.

You say "Your dad was killed by a bomb blast. A terrorist attack. It was a mistake. I don't care if they were trying to kill us, we should have done something. But you weren't there. You were busy playing with some friend, or going out with your boyfriend. It wasn't your fault, but it still hurt. My mom was devastated".

You look down at the vial and see that you've actually been putting lying serum into your Mom's coffee.

Your heart sinks.

You go to the doctor to check up on your sinking heart. You find your father at the doctor's office, sitting in the waiting room. He is reading "Highlights" magazine.

Your heart sinks again.

You wake up in a hospital bed, see your mom is in the bed next to you. "You can have my heart sweety" she says.

She puts her hand on your chest. "It'll be alright".

You say "Mom, stop touching my boob."

> You go back to sleep Your mom smiles at you. "Go back to sleep sweetheart", she says as she kisses you on the lips. The nurse comes in and asks you questions. She finds out that you're a little girl. She asks where you live, and you give her your address. The nurse goes to get a prescription pad.

You ask your mom "Mom, can you tell me how dad died one more time? I love that story.".

Your mom looks at you, and gives a sad smile. "Well...he fell down the stairs, and broke his neck when he hit the bottom. When he got up, he couldn't walk properly. He had trouble talking too. He died of a stroke". The nurse leaves, and you sit up. "Mom, why do you always talk like that?"

You say "ok mom, one more time. How did Dad die, but lie about it again."

The nurse returns. She tells you that she needs to write a script, and will call you back later. You sigh "Ok, I guess I better do something now. I'm tired, and I need sleep". A few days pass, and you finally receive the script. You read through it slowly, trying to memorize everything.

You give the nurse a note on her script: "Needs more cumin." The nurse isn't happy with your feedback.

She calls you a bitch, and leaves. Afterwards, you lay down to rest. You dream about your mother. You remember all the times you talked to her, even though you didn't really know what you wanted to say to her. You think about all the places you went together, and all the memories you shared.