Keegis Rilban, a new talk show host

Posted under Episode 125, Story On By Chief

Your first guest is Christian Bale. You're supposed to ask him about his new film, but instead, you ask him how he feels about Robert Pattinson playing Batman. Christian Bale angrily says, "Pattinson can't play Batman. He's the wrong choice. I won't let him play my character." You say, "Calm down." Christian Bale screams, "I'm Batman!"

Then he turns around and walks out of your studio.

You bring out your backup guest, Robert Pattinson.

You tell him that Christian Bale was upset because he thought you were going to cast him in the role of Batman, which would've been bad for business. Robert replies, "Yeah, well I didn't think it'd be THAT bad! It'll be fine! Anyway, what do you think?" You reply, "Robert does seem like the type to enjoy himself on camera".

You begin to ask Robert gotcha questions about his past. You want your accusations of his past to go viral and give your career a boost at the expense of his. You ask him "Isn't it true that you used to be a total homophobe???".

He starts laughing and saying, "Well... yeah, but now I'm not. Now I'm really into lesbians and gay rights. But back then? Well I wasn't. That was before I met you".

You say "OK THEN! Prove you are into gay rights by closing your eyes and opening your mouth for one minute while I put a bosco stick in your mouth. That is the only way to prove you have changed your ways.".

> You open your eyes and open your mouth You open your eyes and open your mouth. Robert opens his mouth to speak and you close your eyes again. "Now open your eyes and open your mouth". You open your eyes and open your mouth. Robert closes his mouth and speaks.

You say "Ok now onto our next guest, Ben Affleck!"

> You ask Ben Affleck about his childhood Ben Affleck: "My name is Ben Affleck and my father died when I was young. My mother raised me and my younger sister. We lived in an apartment complex called 'The Village'. We had no money so we did whatever we could".

You accuse Ben Affleck of lying. You say "Our researches on the show have concluded otherwise. They found out that you lived in a very wealthy part of California and hate gay rights. How you feel now?".

Ben Affleck: "Oh, that's funny. The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

You slap Ben Affleck hard across the face. The audience applauses and the show cuts to commercial.

> You continue with the show "Next up is Jennifer Aniston. She has recently broken her silence about her relationship with Brad Pitt. In fact she broke her silence yesterday. Apparently they broke up last year and since then she hasn't seen him. What do you make of this? Do you believe her or should you believe her ex-boyfriend? Let's find out together!"

You say "Don't make me choose sides! I love you both!"

> You ask Jennifer Aniston about her relationship with Brad Pitt "So, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have been dating for quite some time. According to reports, they broke up after six months. Are you surprised? Why?" "No, I guess not..".

You ask Jennifer "Did Brad Pitt ever hit you?" and raise your eyebrow inquisitively.

Jennifer answers "No, why would he?". "What if he did?" you ask. "Why wouldn't he?" Jennifer continues "Because he loves me". "How do you know that?" "Brad Pitt told me once, that he loved me even though he cheated on me with Angelina Jolie".

You end the show.

You return home and realize that you forgot to take a picture of yourself with your fans. So you post a screenshot of the show on social media.