Kedar is a world of dragons, demons, and monsters. These dark creatures constantly war for control of the land, leaving the few human kingdoms in the shadow of a dark and powerful force. But now, the kingdoms of man are fighting back, slowly assembling an army to reclaim their world. You are Radhorn Falen, a male human bard from Cadast, a city in the kingdom of Kense. You grew up in a small village near Cadast, but recently moved to the city to work in the local tavern. The pay is better, but there is much more crime. The city is very new, and is trying to become a major trade hub for the region. As a result, crime from pirates and thieves has increased. You've been taken hostage by a pirate who is demanding a ransom for your return. You try to negotiate with the pirate by singing a flattering song about him. The pirate doesn't like the song much and stabs you in the leg. > You offer him your lute in exchange for your freedom. The pirate thinks the lute is worth the price of your freedom and lets you go. You return to your house and try to get some sleep despite your continuing headache. You beat box outside the local church and ask for donations. The local sheriff sees you and beats you unconscious with a night stick. You wake up in a hospital bed with another headache. You seem to be cursed. > You recall being cursed in the past by a witch. You have a flashback. "Curse? How?" you ask. "You are a fool," the witch says, "for not accepting my proposal. I could have made you powerful." "You were a witch?" "Yes, and? "That lute you stole from me is cursed! I know you took it, I had a dream. Give it back or suffer the consequences, you darn filthy pirate!" she screams. She's quiet crazy. You talk to Snot McGee, the village idiot, he knows where you lute is. "She traded it to the travelling merchant in exchange for a ring," he says, "follow me." You follow Snot and he leads you to the cabin of the travelling merchant. You offer the travelling merchant a garbage can that has all sorts of things inside for your lute. The travelling merchant makes the exchange. You head home with your lute. You play your lute and feel better. > You find the witch at a late-night rave and tell her she can have it if she lifts the curse on you. You see the witch at a late-night rave, you approach her. She asks if you want to dance and you decline. You demand that she lift the curse and only then will we dance with her. She accepts and you dance with the ugly old hag witch. Suddenly your younger more successful brother Galen Falen, enters the rave and sees you. He attempts to turn you in for the reward. "Curse you!" you yell and then run him through. You exit the rave and find yourself in a fort. > You conduct a test to see if the curse has been lifted. You decide to test if your charm has returned. You charm the fort commander, who immediately orders his soldiers to capture you. > You beg the fort commander to release you in the form of a song. You sing a song, and the fort commander is so moved that he releases you. You exit the fort with your new friends who make up your new band. You encounter a man in the street. > You realize the man is Puffery Daddy, a man known throughout the kingdom for managing bards. You ask the man if you can join his band, he says that you need to pass a simple audition first. You do the audition live in the street right on the spot. A crowd gathers and seems into it. You pass the audition. You join Puffery Daddy's band. You release your first album with Puffy Daddy's Band today entitled "Ain't got no Charms." > You say "Let's go kick some undead ass and chew bubblegum, but we are all out of gum! " You decide to enlist in the Agadori army. The army accepts you despite your lack of military experience. You are assigned to the company of General Ackerson Kade, a brilliant strategist known throughout the land. > You sing the war song to get the company excited for battle. The men cheer, they are ready for battle. You meet the undead horde outside the walls of the city, mere miles from where you grew up. The undead are a frightening force. > You fling the bag of bird droppings at the horde using a catapult. It makes the undead dissolve and writhe in pain. You manage to destroy the horde. The people of your home city hail you as a hero. You are unanimously elected leader of the Agadorian Empire by it's citizens. > You unite the country by playing peace concerts to every city in the country. You unite the entire country. The people of the Agadorian Empire feel as if they owe you their lives. You are unanimously elected leader of the country by the people. You write a song with all the new laws you want to enact in the kingdom. It goes... The people cheer, and your ideas are all implemented into law. Your reign is a prosperous one, and you are long remembered as a benevolent leader. > You your queen disagrees with your policies and attempts a coup. The queen plans a coup with the generals of your army. They are all going to gather in the throne room and kill you. You hear about this plan and decide to strike first. > You write a song about how the queen farted during a council meeting. She becomes a laughingstock. The song is a hit. The queen is shamed and wants to kill you. She gathers the rest of the council to try and kill you before you kill her. You realize the Queen is not acting like herself and she must be under the witch's spell. You grab your sword. The queen and her council attack. You manage to fight your way out of the palace, but at a high cost. > You retreat to your hideout. You are alone, but you make plans to take back the kingdom. You realize that you are now the Arch Villain. Do you: ~A Vigilante is only as virtuous as the cause he serves, and I have served virtue. You stop looking at the motivational poster and decide to address the people. You wave the white flag and step down to focus on your music, the Queen is now the new leader of the kingdom. She outlaws the Agadorian Empire and puts all it's citizens under her command. You are very successful in the music industry and live a life of luxury. The end. You use your fame to get a spot on Kense's Got Talent, a talent show that takes place once a year and the winner gets many riches. The host, Harvey, is a middle-aged man who wears expensive clothing and has an unsettling smile. You walk on stage to mild applause and greet Harvey. > You lean in for a kiss from Harvey, and crowd goes wild. The kiss goes well and the crowd loves it. You win the talent show and take home the grand prize. The end. > You ask Simon Owl, the head judge, to give you the grand prize. Simon Owl looks astonished, but asks the other judges. They all agree. You win the grand prize of one million gold coins. The end. You squander it all on wine, woman, and song. You are known across the land for having the most expensive party known to man. You die from alcohol poisoning. The end. > You wake up in rehab. You wake up and see a large muscular man, the chief of police, standing over you. "Look what we have here, a rich brat that thinks he can buy himself fame with his daddy's money." > You say "Hey, I earned all my money before I squandered it. I was also king." The chief of police looks disgusted. "You're no king, you're a slave to your own vices." You get angry at the comment. "How dare you presume to know me!" > You admit you need help and start going to group therapy. The chief sits down and begins to talk. "I'm Rob, and I'm a drug addict." "I'm John, and I'm a gambling addict. > You the next person says "Hi, I'm Jim. I'm a villager who served you poisoned alcohol on purpose." "Hi, Jim." You say in a dull tone. Jim begins to talk about how he mixed alcohol with perfume to try make it taste better. > You grab a rock-filled leather glove, and you slap Jim with it. "You may be a drug addict, but I'm a violent alcoholic with anger issues." Chief of Police nods in agreement. "Drug Addicts are far less dangerous than violent alcoholics." > You sing a blues song about your troubles to the group. Everyone in the group joins in and begins to dance. You go on to become sober with the help of the group therapy. The end. > You graduate with honors from rehab, then they throw you out on the street like stray dog. After being released, you are left to fend for yourself. The end. > You are adopted by a pack of wild dogs. The end. Your story is too tragic. It makes me cry just to think about it. You find a a 100-ounce bottle of alcohol and stare at it all night long, but resist the temptation to drink it. You give it to the wolves and pay a visit to the witch to see if she has any more instruments. The only thing she offers to sell you is a healing potion for a hefty price. You have no money, but she allows you to work off the debt. > You ask the witch out on a date. "It's the least I could do for you," says the witch. You take the witch to your favorite restaurant. The waiter seats you in a booth by the window near the street. > You say "I'll just have water" to the waiter" "I'll have water too," says the witch. The waiter leaves and the witch hands you a small vial of red liquid. "Drink it," she orders. > You call the waiter back and say "I'll have one of everything on the menu" just before drinking the entire vial of red liquid. The waiter comes and takes your order. You order everything the restaurant has to offer. "Do you want everything the restaurant has to offer?" asks the waiter. "Yes," > You drink the vial of red liquid. Your body begins to seize up. The waiter stares at you in silence. "I'm sorry," he says and leaves the vial of red liquid on the table. The drug kicks in and your mind goes blank. > You say "What was in that liquid, witch?" "The same thing that is in that liquid," says the witch, pointing to the vial of red liquid on the table. The waiter comes and takes your order. You order everything the restaurant has to offer. You realize you have been here before and that this is how you obtained the cursed lute in the first place. The witch was testing you to see if you would make the same mistake twice. You can't let the witch trick you again. You need to be strong. > You when the witch isn't looking you put the red liquid in her coffee. You and the witch sit down at a table in the corner of the room. "You are still an addict," says the witch. "But you are free to go about your business." You lean in for a kiss. The witch pulls away. "Oh, don't worry," she says. "We'll get to that later. Now go kill the king." You return home and grab your sword cane. The morale of the story: Don't mess with witches.
Kedar: Radhorn Falen
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