Kanye West, President of the United States in the year 2029

Posted under Kanye West, President of the United States in the year 2029, Story On By Chief

You are Kanye West, President of the United States in the year 2029. You have just been sworn in, and already you have a national crisis on your hands. Dunkin', America's energy source, is rapidly running out! Estimates say the strategic Dunkin' stockpile will be depleted within a year! You immediately summon your cabinet, which is made up of the following 10 random American celebrities:

1) Kanye West (President of the United States) 2) George W. Bush (Former President of the United States) 3) Michael Jordan (NBA Basketball Player) 4) Tom Cruise (Actress/Director) 5) Arnold Schwarzenegger (Actor/Author 6) Amy Winehouse (Musician 7) Madonna (Musician 8) David Beckham (Soccer Star 9) Rihanna (Dance Artist 10)

The problem is, none of them can agree on how to solve this national crisis.
> You ask Schwarzenegger what country he thinks would have the most Dunkin'
The current Governor of California and former Governor of the nation states Badlands is an incredibly powerful man due to his physical appearance. No one can imagine that he would not have the solution to this energy crisis.
Jason, AIPD co-host who said Jim and Tony are old and also the new Secretary of Defense, has an idea of how to solve the coffee crisis:
"We should send all our coffee to California."
"That's ridiculous! We won't have enough for ourselves," says Jason.
> You take your private jet to the united nations and plead for coffee.
You get to the United Nations and begin to look for the one person who can solve this crisis, the one person who can make everything right again. You find him in the office of the U.N. Secretary-General, as you expected.
"Mr Jordan, thank you for coming," you begin. "How do we solve this crisis?
Mr Jordan proposes a Dunkin' contest. All countries that consume coffee would be able to enter, and all the entries would be sent to California, where Mr. Jordan's son would judge them. The winning country would get a large shipment of coffee.
The real Michael Jordan bursts into the room holding a gun shouting, "That's not the real Michael Jordan!"  The rest of the room is deadly silent.
"That's not the real George W. Bush either!" he continues, as several heads begin to pop up from behind desks.
The real Michael Jordan says "Big Tea has infiltrated the U.N. and is using their coffee machines to make double coffee. The real winner will be the one that makes the best coffee."
"That's a stupid contest," says George W. "Nonetheless, I'm in.
> You head to the coffee laboratory to create a new super coffee.
You hurry to your private jet, and fly off to the coffee laboratory in Cuba.
You reach the lab, swing open the door, and are surprised to see Mr Tea awaiting your arrival.
"I've been waiting for you. I have some news....," he begins. "You're not going to believe this....."
Mr. Tea looks at you as if to see if he should continue.
"I have an idea for a coffee contest." he begins.
You interrupt Mr. Tea, who has a tendency to ramble.
you yell "CUT TO THE POINT!"
Mr. Tea looks taken aback, and asks if you'd like a double- espresso.
You grunt in the negative, and Mr. Tea continues to look as if he's about to tell you a big secret.
"I have a double- Espress, a fancy word for a Venti- extra- milk latte."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I could use your help," says Mr. Tea. "I have a brilliant idea for a coffee contest, but I need some really great coffee to test. You need to go get some."
"Done," you say.
"Perfect," says Mr.
you force Mr Tea to be the human guinea pig for all the experimental coffee's. Mr. Teas eye's bulge with caffeine. The caffiene high causes him to go into a frenzy of hopping up and down and talking fast.
"I need some really great coffee. You need to go get some," he repeats.
You make him another quad coffee and his heart straights and veins bulge from his body as he breaks into a crazed dance. He repeats the hopping up and down and talk fast patters. Finally, he stops. Mr Tea is hyper focused, like a hawk about to take flight.
"That's the best coffee I've had yet,"
Mr. Tea has become addicted, he begins to guzzle every coffee he can find. His heart cant take it. You make him a double espresso to try to calm him down, but it only makes him more jittery. You're beginning to feel the same way.
You see Mr Tea freeze in place and say, "You've got the good stuff, yeezy!"  and then he spontaneously explodes into a fountain of human organs and blood. You throw up in your mouth a little.
Mr. Teas body is now nothing but a heap of Black Gold, and you have to throw it out.
The moral of the story: Don't drink coffee after you've seen a lightening storm...
You make your way to Mr. Teas home and knock on the door. There's no answer, so you enter.