John Smith and His Amazing Colossal Wagon

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are True Idiot. You are announcing the finale for "The Gordon's Twilight Zone Arc" on the epic stage at the gamer conference there are a few people because You aren't popular. You are on the stage and you say "The finale of my epic arc for the my comedy series begins with
 an explosion!" And then everyone laughs, but they laugh in disbelief. Because that is not what I am saying. That was just something stupid you said to make them feel better about their own stupidity.

You tell a joke to break the ice:
 “What do you call it when your mom's so fat she can’t get out of bed? A pancake!” Then you look around the room. Everyone laughs again, except for one person who doesn't laugh at all.

You call out the one audience member who doesn't laugh and ask, "What's the matter, don't get it?"

She says, "I have no idea why this would be funny." She looks down at her phone which has been buzzing with text messages from friends who are also watching. The first message is from Amber: "Hey man!
 Why did Gordon explode?!"
Amber is laughing uncontrollably now. Her friend Lucy next to her is laughing too. You see Lucy's face twitch as if she wants to laugh but can't.

You notice this Amber girl is heckling you and ruining your comedy show.  You bring Amber on stage and ask her to tell a joke to everyone:
 "What's the difference between two men walking into a bar?"
She answers, "One guy goes up to the bartender and says 'Give me a shot of whiskey.'"
Everyone laughs at Amber's lame joke, including Lucy.

Amber grab her comedy props: 5 bags of poop.
 She walks over to the mic stand and holds up a bag of shit. Everyone laughs hysterically.
Lucy finally gets control of herself and says, "That was not funny." She turns to Amber and says, "Why did you say that?"

You realize that Amber and Lucy are about to fight on stage so you declare a 15 intermission and tell everyone to go to the bathroom and gets drinks before the next act.

You are talking to Amber and Lucy backstage after the intermission. They both apologize for fighting in front of such an important crowd. You say, "We're cool. We'll be fine.

Intermission ends and you start the next part of your comedy act.  You have Gordon Ramsey step out and join you.
 He tells his best jokes: "Do you know how much money is in a box cutter?"
You say, "No."
He says, "It's $4.99."
You say, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last joke."

He says, "How much money is in a box cutter?"
You say, "Well, it depends. If it's a good brand it's probably worth more than $5."
He says, "If it's a cheap brand it's probably worth less than $1."

Everyone begins to boo and then they start to chant Amber's name.
 She runs onto the stage and grabs the mic.
She says, "Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for coming here tonight. But, I must apologize for interrupting your evening with my rude behavior."

You snatch the mic back and tell Amber to return to her seat before you have her thrown out.  You tell Gordon, "hey, Gordon I've made a Special meal for you it's called a Poop Pie."

Gordon says, "Really?"
You say, "Yes, really. Now let's get to work."
So we open with Gordon standing in front of a table covered with food. Gordon says, "Now, before we eat, I have a special announcement to make."

Then he picks up a spoon and stirs some sauce on top of the poo pie.
You say, "This is a Poop Pie."
And Gordon says, "It is indeed a poop pie."

Everyone laughs.
You say, "Now, before we dig in, I have a question for you."
You say, "Have any of you ever eaten a poop pie?"
Everyone shakes their head no.

You motion for the stage manger and two assistants roll out a large trough filled with poo pie.  You tell the audience, "Dig in!"

They scoop up the first piece and put it in their mouths.
You say, "Yummmm, this is delicious."
Everyone laughs.
You say, "Oh, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, Gordon Ramsey has never eaten a poop pie."

Gordon takes a bite and then gives his review of poo pie:
 "This is disgusting."
Everyone laughs.
You say, "Gordon, you just ate a poop pie. It was delicious. How can you not like it?"
He says, "I am a professional chef.
 This is disgusting. I will never eat another poop pie."
You say, "Okay Gordon, you're fired."
Everyone laughs.
You turn to the audience and ask, "Are you ready to see Gordon Ramsey's final performance?"

Everyone cheers and you pull out from behind the curtain:
 "Gordon, please welcome our new celebrity judge."
The crowd applauds and someone yells out, "We love you, Gordon!"
Everyone laughs.
You say, "Thank you, thank you.
  Please welcome our celebrity judge that will be rating a dish Gordon cooks:
Carrot Top!"

Carrot Top comes out and everyone screams and claps and hoots.
You say, "Hello everybody. Thank you for being here."
You say, "My name is John Smith.
 I am the star of the hit TV show, ‘John Smith and His Amazing Colossal Wagon’. I love carrots and my favorite color is orange. And now, please welcome my guest judge: Carrot Top."

You cut to a commercial break where a promo plays for the latest episode of "John Smith and His Amazing Colossal Wagon":

"On tonight's episode of 'John Smith and His Amazing Colossal Wagon', John Smith is trying to cook a carrot cake but he accidentally makes a poop pie instead."
Then the screen fades to black and the credits roll.