John Ham likes eating cheese

Posted under Episode 144, Story On By Chief

You see a mouse trying to get in your cheese cupboard, you are trying to get stop the mouse from eating your expensive cheese.

You have been playing this game for many years now, and your life is a constant struggle between hunger and greed. The mice have finally gotten too strong for you, but it will take more than just a few mice to kill you. Your family has always looked after you, so why should they be put at risk? Why not try to steal their food instead?

You build a shrink ray. You shrink yourself and enter the mouse hole in the wall. You are on a mission to take back your cheese.


of your normal life, now it is time to think like a mouse. You come across a mouse with an eyepatch and ask him, "Got any cheese?"

He looks around and says, "No". You laugh and say, "That's funny because I am carrying two bags of cheese!" The mouse then laughs and says, "Yeah, well that makes me three! And I can't carry them both!"

You are blinded by rage and beat him to death with your bag of cheese.

Now you are a mouse.

You take his cheese and go deeper into the walls. You come across a sign that says "Now Entering Mousetropolis". You go to the Cheese Bank and attempt to deposit your cheese.

The bank teller asks, "What do you want to deposit?" "A bunch of cheese". "How much?" "Oh, oh, five hundred pounds". "Five hundred pounds?! That's insane! How did you even afford it?!"

You say "I murdered a mouse and took it from him." You then take out a gun and point it at the teller and say "Take me to the vault".

You walk through the city streets. A police officer stops you and asks if you need help.

You put the gun in his mouth and say, "I need help getting MY CHEESE back!".

> You continue... You continue down the street and enter a building that looks very familiar. It is the Cheese Vault. Inside the Cheese Vault, you find that there are several vaults, each containing different kinds of cheese. There is also a large cage containing mice who look extremely hungry. You watch as the mice begin to eat some of the cheese inside the cheese vault.

You tell the mice in the cage "Help me get my cheese back and I will spare your lives.".

They eagerly agree.

Chaos erupts as you free all the mice. An all out war ensues between the convict mice and the police mice.

Eventually, you manage to escape. You run outside and hide in a dumpster. You hear the sounds of battle going on nearby and running away seems like a good idea.

You decide to plant a bomb in the cheese vault and blow up the entire city of Mousetropilis. You set the bomb timer and head home.


You wake up the next day and decide to make yourself a cheese omelet. You go to the cheese fridge and you are met by 1000 mice soldiers armed with cannons and crossbows.

They shoot the shit about how they will take care of you later, but first you have to eat something. You sit down to eat your omelet and suddenly realize that you forgot to pack your keys in your pocket. So you reach over and grab them and you feel a sharp pain in your hand. "Hey wait! What the fuck man? Are you nuts?"

You start stabbing all the mice with a kitchen knife and laugh.

"Well, this was fun while it lasted..".

You make a mouse and cheese stew.

Then you eat it. Then you go upstairs and make another mouse and cheese stew and eat it. Finally, you finish off the last mouse and cheese stew and eat it. Afterwards you lie down on the couch and fall asleep.