John Bangem, a cowboy who has a habit of leaving stuff behind when you go places

Posted under Episode 137, Story On By Chief

In the year 2017, you go to the theater to see the Justice League film. You bring your toys with you. After the film is over, you grab your toys and leave the theater. While standing in the parking lot, you realize you remembered your toys, but you left your wallet and car keys in the theater.

You have no idea where they could be, so you decide to search for them. You walk around the parking lot, looking under parked cars, and through bushes. Eventually, you find what you're looking for: a small purse that looks like it was made out of leather. It's yours! The only thing missing from this story is your name on the outside.

You take your small leather purse to a local embosser to emboss your name on your small manly purse.

> You continue... The Embossed Leather Wallet Your Name Embossing Type: Handmade Size: Small Color: Black Weight: 0.

The Embosser says that she's never seen anything so amazing as your man purse you should sell them.

She'll probably make enough money to buy a new computer. Your name will be engraved on the inside of your leather wallet.

You tell her that the small manly purse is made from a bull scrotum that a wizard had enchanted with a spell.

She says that if she can get the magic off of it, then she can emboss your name onto it.

You take the bull purse to a shady saloon. You get on top the bar and pull out your gun and say, "Be there a wizard that can take the curse of this old bull scotum purse!?".

"I'm not sure I want to risk my life doing something like that!" one of the patrons says. "Well, we don't really know how long the curse lasts". "Yeah, well, let me just get that cursed bull scrotum into the hands of someone who knows what they're doing!"

You say "YES! Take me to the cursed bull scrotum handler!" You shoot your gun into the ceiling of the saloon two times with excitement.

At last, after a few days, the bartender comes back to the bar. He's a big guy with an unkempt beard. You're scared shitless because he might be a vampire or some other undead creature. But he doesn't look scary at all. He just looks kind of bored. "What do you need?" he asks.

You show the bartender your cursed purse and say, "Heard you can remove a curse, I'll do whatever it takes to dispell this purse so I can get my name embossed on it. You know, in case I lose it.".

The bartender nods and says, "Alright, alright, alright, I'll do it. Just give me a couple days". You head back home. You return to your house and check on your purse. Sure enough, the bartender has removed the curse. "Thank you," you say. "Don't mention it," he replies.

You ask the bartender "By the way, are you a vampire?".

He answers, "No, but I did once eat a dead body". Afterwards, you sit down and think about what happened. What would happen if you lost your purse? Would you feel sad? Angry? Sadder than ever? Or maybe you'd just laugh and forget about it.

You return to the Embosser with your uncursed purse and get your name embossed on it. While she is embossing it, you tell her about the bartender who decursed it and also tell her that he ate a dead body.

She seems impressed by your story. "That's pretty cool kid, I bet you're going to make quite the living selling these".

You look at the purse and see that she has mistakenly embossed "Johnny Ringo" on it. You say, "My name is actually John Bangem, I'm not paying for this!".

She explains that since you bought it for free, she can't charge you any more. Afterwards, you thank her and say goodbye to the world. It's been a week since you got your name embossed on the leather wallet and you haven't missed a single thing. You've gotten used to wearing it now. You even went to the movies with it.

You finish watching the movie and walk to your car. You reach into your pocket and cannot find your car keys or many bull scrotum purse.

Your phone rings. It's your sister. She's calling to apologize for not calling sooner. She tells you that she's sorry about everything and that she loves you. She hangs up and you sigh. You wonder why she hasn't called you yet. Maybe she's busy with something important right now. You pick up your phone and answer. It's your mom.

You Your Mom frantically tells you that your sister has moved out with some guy named Johnny Ringo. Also all your inventory of bull scrotum purses that you were planning on selling on Etsy are missing!

They must have stolen them. She wants you to come over right away. You immediately rush over to your parent's house. When you arrive, your parents are both very angry. Your dad says that Johnny Ringo was stealing your possessions and that he needs to pay for it. His father says that he didn't sign anything giving him permission to do such a thing.

You dad gives you a heavy book and teaches you how to curse a purse... for revenge!

> You take revenge You swear you will avenge your family. You grab your dad's book and start cursing. The next day, you wake up and find that your dad has been replaced by a giant monster. "How dare you insult my son?!" your father yells. "You killed his dad! Now I'm gonna kill YOU!"

You say "Here we go again!" and look directly into camera as the credits roll.

The End