Jason Meets the Transformers

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Jason, a streamer who is eating the world's biggest tub of buttered popcorn.
 You have been doing this for about three hours now and you're not sure why. It just feels right to be here, in this theatre with all these people. They look like they know what they are doing and it makes your heart soar when someone claps politely or laughs at something funny that isn't
 meant to be funny. The whole thing has been very strange and alien so far; you've only met one other person, an older woman named Jill who seems nice enough. She asked if she could get some water from the bar and then left.

You notice a bunch of Transformers enter the theater.  Transformers is your favorite movie franchise, but if you get up from the table to greet them, you will be disqualified from the competition.  You stay seated and watch in admiration from a distance.
 There are four guys and two girls, each one with their own unique color scheme: blue and purple, red and black, yellow and orange, green and white. They all seem friendly and excited as they chat amongst themselves and check out the audience.

You rapidly eat the popcorn in hopes you can win the competition and still have time to talk to the Transformers.  But oh no!  You stomaching is churning, there is too much butter!
 Your stomach is growling, you feel queasy and suddenly you start to sweat profusely. This is really bad! Maybe you should go to the bathroom? No, wait...the pee is coming faster than ever before, it's practically gushing out of your body.

Then you hear it, the music plays and you hear, "You've got the touch. You've got the powerrrrr."  It's the Transformers the Movie song and you are instantly filled with inspiration and determination to keep going.  You just piss in your seat and continue to eat the popcorn unfazed.  The other competitors look on, some are grossed out, others are impressed.
 Some of them even give you high fives.
You make it through the next round and are now in the semi-finals. You are pretty confident that you will win this one.  All your friends back home are cheering for you and telling everyone how awesome you are.

You see that your next challenge for the semi finals is to eat an entire
 cake without using your hands. You don't want to do this because you don't think you'll be able to control yourself and also because eating cake with your hands would be so much more fun.

You shove your face into the cake and go to town.  You are making great progress until you notice the Transformers are getting ready to leave the theater.  You are torn, but you try to unhinge your jaw and consume the remaining cake in one gulp.

You hear the music again and the announcer says, "Congratulations! You have made it to the final round!"
Your friends are ecstatic and give you a standing ovation.
"Jason, you are so awesome!

You yell out to everyone, "I'm doing this in order to make my adopted son, Tony, and my best friend, Cory, proud of me!"  The Transformers here this, and stick around to see the final round.

You are now facing off against a large and powerful robot. He is obviously designed to fight and he looks like a giant metal lobster. His name is Bumblebee and his team colors are yellow and black.

You are excited, but scared to face one of your heroes in the final round.  You hear announcer say the the final round of the competition will be to eat
 a huge pile of spaghetti in under five minutes.
You are nervous, but determined to show the Transformers that you are the real deal.
Bumblebee is staring at you, waiting for you to make a move.

Your jaw is in immense pain, your guts are going nuts from all the previous food you have consumed, but you have the will of a contender and you begin to slurp away at the enormous pile of pasta.  The crowd erupts in cheers and start to chant your name!

But you are struggling.  Your mouth is so full of pasta that you can barely speak and your throat is so dry.  You are trying to swallow, but it's like you are sucking down a small mountain of noodles.

You look over the Bumblebee who has not even begun to eat his plate of spaghetti.  You look down at your plate and you have one final bite. Bumblebee then picks up his plate and incinerates it instantly with a high temperature flame thrower just as you are slurping your final noodle.  It is going to be a photo finish.  The judge looks at the replay and determines the winner:
You are elated and shout to everyone, "See? I am the best!"
The crowd goes wild and starts chanting your name.
Your friends are celebrating, hugging you and showering you with praise.

The judges explain to Bumblebee that incinerating is not eating and he was instantly disqualified.  Upset by the decision, Bumblebee pulls out a gun.
  Everyone screams and runs for cover.
You get tackled to the ground by your friends, they drag you out of danger and calm everyone down.  You are crying, but happy that you won.

You watch the other Transformers try to contain Bumblebee and are wiped out one by one.  Bumblebee is too strong and too filled with rage to stop.

You are devastated when Bumblebee shoots your adopted son, Tony, in the head.
Everyone is screaming and running for their lives.
You are inconsolable and start to cry, you don't know what to do or where to go.

The Judge and you hide behind a marble pillar in fear for your lives.  The Judge says, "Ok this has gotten out of hand, just forfeit your prize and this whole situation can be over."  You say, "Hell no.  I won fair and square.  I will take care of this."  You head to the center of the theater and confront Bumblebee face to face.  Bumblebee points his weapon at you and says, "Do you have any final words?"  You say, "Yeah, bon apetite." and begin to eat Bumblebee.

He tries to shoot you, but you are too quick.
You devour him in seconds and wipe your chin on his chest.
The crowd is cheering and clapping.
Bumblebee is completely gone and there is nothing left but your trophy.