Jason, a worker for AIPD: the Awesomely Intriguing Pokémon Department

You obtain some rare Pokemon, which you plan on presenting to your superiors. However, you fall asleep on the way there. Your friends, Tony and Jim, see you snoozing on the street. Jim asks, "What should we do?" Tony says, "Let's take his Pokemon." Jim says, "Good idea." However, a pair of thieves, named Jessie and James steal the Pokemon from them.

They then proceed to rob you. You wake up in a cage with no pants. The thief who robbed you is holding a knife to your throat. He tells you, "I'll kill you now". You say, "No, I'm not going to die like this!" The thief replies, "Oh, so you're scared?"

You say "Yes."

The thief says, "Then why did you let me sleep here?" You reply, "Because I was tired and didn't want to get caught by the cops". The thief laughs and says, "Well, that makes two of us".

You summon Pikachu from the pokeball you always have shoved up your ass, just in case. Tell Pikachu to electrocute the Jesse the thief.

> You electrocute Jesse Pikachu charges at Jesse, but he dodges it. Jessie grabs Pikachu's tail and puts it into her vagina. She begins to rub it against Jesse's face, while he tries to scream out. Jessie continues rubbing Pikachu's penis against Jesse's face until he passes out. Then she takes the Pokeball out of your pocket and throws it away.

Antonio Criminalli, lonely party boy and underground crime boss, enters and is shocked to see what is going on.

He yells, "Whoa! What the fuck? This ain't right! Who the hell are these people?! They stole my Pokemon!" Jessie exclaims, "We don't need any more Pokemon! We've got all the Pokemon we can handle!" Meanwhile, back at the house, you hear a loud noise. It sounds like a bomb went off.

You Jim and Tony have bombed their way into the compound. They rescue Jason. Antonio asks if he can go with them. The group agrees, grudgingly.

Meanwhile, back at the house, you hear a loud noise. It sounds like a bomb went off. You hear a voice saying, "Jason, come with us. We're sorry about the bombing. We really were trying to protect our home". "Where are they taking me?" Jason asks.

You are suffering from temporary vision and hearing loss from the bombing and you can't see it is Jim and Tony saving you. As they put you in the van to go home, you plea for your life.

"Please Jason, don't give up on us. We won't leave you alone. Please, please, please..". Suddenly, the van explodes.

You see the van explode from across the street. Jim say "I planted explosives in the van so we could fake your death.".

At last, you arrive at your new home. You find yourself in a large living room with a fireplace. There is a man sitting at a table playing an electric guitar. His name is Jason and he looks very much like you. He has long blond hair, green eyes, and a nice smile. He is wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.

The other Jason introduces himself to you and explains he is your decoy. Anyone trying to kill you will kill him instead. You thank him for his service. Other Jason plays a wicked guitar lick and does the splits.

As you sit down to eat dinner, you notice the TV is tuned to a news program. On screen, you see a reporter interviewing a woman who claims to be a psychic. She states she knows where you are hiding. She also mentions that you are being watched by several men. She goes on to say that one of them is a professional killer.

You open the blinds, see men in leather jackets with fully automatic rifles looking at you. You close the blinds and run out the back door as the fire into the house.

On the streets, you are pursued by men with machine guns. You turn around and see the van exploding. You try to drive away, but you lose control and crash into a tree. You are badly injured and barely alive. A police car pulls up behind you. The driver sees you and screams at you to stop or he will shoot you.

Pikachu crawls out of your butt and puts up a forcefield, allowing you Jim and Tony to run away. "More like PikaPOO, am I right?" Tony says.

A cop car stops nearby. "Hey, you guys look like you're the ones who saved me from getting killed. Where are you headed next?" You explain what happened. The cop doesn't seem too impressed. "What the hell happened out there? That was some serious shit. How'd you even pull that off?"

You say "Loose butthole."

The cop drives you to the hospital. When you arrive, you see a lot of damage to the place. One of the doctors recognizes you. "Ah, you're the guy who saved me from getting killed. So how'd you do it?" You tell him. "It's called the Electric Kitten Technique". The doctor smiles and nods.

You ask the doctor if she can fix your van, and she agrees. Still bleeding profusely, you, Jim and Tony drive away from the hospital.

You are driving along when you suddenly realize something. "Holy shit, I'm not dead yet". You think to yourself. Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain in your ass. You immediately jump out of the car and scream. "Oh no! Someone shot me! Help!" You call out. Several cars pass by without stopping. "Well, this sucks..".

Tony and Jim jump out and tell you that it's Pikachu causing the pain in your butt. You try and coax Pikachu out of there.

"Come on, Pikachu, let's go get help!"

Jim offers Pikachu a handful of Skittles.

Suddenly, Pikachu jumps out of the bushes and attacks you both. "Gah! What the fuck did you do to Pikachu?!" You yell. "He tried to kill us", Jim replies. You struggle with Pikachu while trying to figure out how to save Pikachu. Finally, you manage to grab him and throw him over your shoulder.

You beat up Pikachu and stuff him in a Pokeball, then get back in the van with Jim and Tony. You head to the comic book store all three of you met at.

When you arrive, you see that it is now completely destroyed. A few people are still inside, but most have left. You wonder why they didn't stay longer. Then you remember the explosion earlier today. You walk outside and see the van exploded. "Damn, I guess they weren't kidding when they said I was going to die today". You think to yourself.

You see Fake Jason jamming on his guitar in the rubble. You asked him what happened, and he shrugs.

Meanwhile, you hear a loud noise coming from the woods. It sounds like a plane crashed. You rush outside and see a small plane lying on the ground. It seems to be intact, though heavily damaged. Fake Jason approaches you. "So, you survived huh? Well, I guess you'll be able to tell me everything about your adventures after all".

Enemy soldiers close in. Jim has disappeared. You remind Fake Jason of his duty, and he nods. He runs headfirst into a hail of gunfire.

You quickly put the gun away and run over to Fake Jason.

Fake Jason is hit by a bunch of stray bullets and confesses that the hitmen and the explosives were all him, he just wanted to be a real Jason like you.

> You continue Faking death is hard work. You don't want to lie anymore than you had to fake your own death. But you need to know more about Fake Jason. You begin to search his body. His clothes are torn and blood stains the floor. There is a hole in his chest, which looks like it came from a shotgun blast.