How To Survive A Burrito Attack (Or Donkey Kong) – You are Pablo Elshiteshelf, a zoo keeper and you want to get an Nintendo 64.

You are Pablo Elshiteshelf, a zoo keeper and you want to get an Nintendo 64.
 You also have a job at the local zoo.
You head west through the gift shop into the zoo's main entrance hall. The main entry hall is huge, with vaulted ceilings. It has a large sign above it that reads "ZOO".
You tell the Debby, the gift shop lady, that you are looking for an N64 and she laughs at you.  Debby tells you the N64's are extremely rare after
 they were discontinued in 1998 so no one would sell them online or to the local shops. She says that there are only five video game stores in all of Austin, Texas and none of them carry N64 games anymore.
You rush to a dial up computer and it is true!  N64's are even more rare than
 you thought. There isn't a single one on eBay or Craigslist but there are tons on Amazon.com. You buy a new Nintendo 64 off the internet while Debby looks disapprovingly at your purchase.
Debby tells you that you cannot trust a stranger on "the net".  You don't listen, but when your package arrives 2 weeks later you realize you did not receive an N64 but instead you got a
 small box containing a bottle of Tabasco sauce from Louisiana.
You return to Debby and tell her about your mistake. She gets mad at you and yells at you. She says that you should never trust a stranger on the internet and storms out of the gift shop, leaving you alone.
You decide to go on the dark web and look to see if you can make your own Nintendo 64.  You find a website that can help you out:
 "How to Make Your Own Nintendo 64."
The website has instructions on how to build a N64 using a Raspberry Pi. A raspberry pi is a small computer that costs around $40.
You read through some of the instructions and learn that you will need to assemble a lot of components
.

You push the big red button on the website and then
 you run off to the hardware store.
You go to the hardware store and buy a bunch of electronics parts including capacitors, resistors, transistors, LEDs and other electronic components.
After you pay for your purchases, you head back home to start assembling your Nintendo 64.
You finish and pop in your N64 game:
 Mario Kart 64. You race around the track against Yoshi, Luigi, Peach and Bowser. It's just like you remember.
There are many ways you could try to reach the end of this quest.
Something is off though, this isn't the Mario Kart 64 you remember.  You notice the following spooky differences:
- The graphics are blurry.
- The track is much faster than you remember.
- When you crash, you die instantly.
You tell yourself that this must be some kind of glitch and that you should ignore it.
> You say "Wait... Why is this burrito brown and disgusti- Oh... OH GOD NO."
You have just eaten a horrible burrito, made by a guy named Larry who is trying to impress his girlfriend.
Larry knows nothing about Mexican food and he thinks that adding beans to anything makes it better.
You think that maybe the bad food made you experience the game differently.  You wakeup late at night and attempt to play Mario Kart 64 again, but now there are even more spookier things!
- The music sounds distorted.
- The racers are monsters and zombies.
- You can only use mushrooms.
Your friend Larry is a terrible cook and he put way too much jalapeno peppers in your burrito which made it taste like crap.
You level up and gain the following powers:
Fire: Shoot fireballs.
Lightning: Shoot lightning bolts.
Ice: Shoot ice.
Water: Shoot water.
You also gain the ability to use the item "Burrito"
You use "Burrito" on the N64 and are surprised when a game loads up.
You are inside a giant video game cartridge that contains a vast library of classic video games. You are playing a game called Super Mario Bros. 3.
Your goal is to kill the Koopa King, a powerful enemy that you encounter throughout the game.
When you kill a goomba, you notice beans spill out of it.  And King Koopa appears to shoot jalapeno peppers at you instead of fire.
You defeat him and then you finish the game.
You return to the present and wonder what the heck happened. Maybe this was caused by eating too many burritos?  But then why does everything seem normal now?
Your girlfriend enters the room... only she is a giant burrito!
You run away screaming.
Back at your apartment, you tell your friend Larry about the weird dream you had last night. He says that it might have been caused by eating too many burritos, but he would know since he used to eat them a lot.
Larry starts laughing uncontrollably!
Suddenly, you hear a loud BOOM from the kitchen.
You enter the kitchen and see Larry with a knife in his hand.
He is carving a huge burrito into pieces and throwing them out the window!
You try to get Larry to put down the knife.
But he won't stop.
"What's so funny?" you ask.
"I'm just thinking about the time I made you eat my horrible burrito," Larry replies.
You throw a piece of burrito at Larry and yell at him.
The burrito hits Larry directly in the face... but instead of falling to the floor, the burrito burrows it's way into Larry's body and takes control!
"Whoa!" exclaims Larry as his burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito
"
You run out of the house but you notice the street and ground are turning into soft shell tortillas!
Suddenly, you find yourself falling through the air, landing in a pile of burritos!
A few days later, you are walking down the street. Suddenly, you notice something odd.
Everywhere you look, the street is covered with burritos!
You rush to the Zoo and free all of the animals!  Surely they will be able to defeat the burritos!
You arrive at the zoo and free all of the animals. They are confused and don't really seem to want to fight the burrito army.
You decide that maybe you should just leave them alone and let nature take its course.
You are shocked - the lions, the bears, and even the gorillas are just staring at the burritos.  You notice a burrito approach the biggest gorilla and then
 he attacks the burrito!
"Holy shit!" exclaims the gorilla after the burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito burrito bur
You only know of one thing that can defeat this many burritos:
- THE BURRITO ARMY!
You charge into the burrito army and quickly defeat them.
Suddenly, you feel something crawling up your leg... and before you know it, you're transforming into a giant burrito!


	
Related